Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 December 1874 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—As my wife at the window one beautiful day stood watching a man with a monkey, a cart came along with a broth of a boy, who was driving a stout little donkey. To my wife then I spoke, by way of a joke: “ There’s a relation of yours in that carriage.” To which she replied, when the donkey she spied: “Ah, veßi a relation by marriage.” —On one occasion an Irishman’s house caught fire, and his wife, running to the nearest available water, caught up a kettle from the hob and was hurrying up to the attic, where the flames were already at work, when she was met on the stairs by Pat himself. Is it a fool ye are,” he cried, “ trying to put out a fire with hot water?” —The Bishop of Wurtsburg once asked a sprightly little shepherd boy: “What are you doing here, my lad?” “ Tending swine.” “ How much do you get?" “ One florin a week.” “I am also a shepherd,” continued the Bishop, “ but I get much more pay.” “ Then I suppose you have more swine under your care,”’innocently replied the boy. —“ I wouldn’t be a cook for the whole world!” said a fashionable young lady to her betrothed husband. “Of course not,” he replied. “If you were to cook for the whole world you would never get through your work. you'll be able to manage it nicely for our little family." —My dear sir, when you remark that the good old days of innocent childhood seem to have fled you don’t know what you are talking about. You ought to haveoeen in Jersey City the other day when a school teacher sat down on a chunk of wax and had to have a quarter of a yard of cloth cut out before he could get loose from the swing-chair.— Detroit Free Frees. —-One day last week—this is the way the broker tells it, although we’re inclined to think he yarns—a man came to a Des Moines note-shaver, handed him a note duly signed by a “ good man,” and asked him if he would buy it. The note had two years to run. The man of money glanced at the signature tind notified the customer that he would purchase the document if they could agree upon terms. “ Well, what will vou give for it?” said the seller. The broker took his pencil and figured. When he-had completed the example he scratched his head and muttered, “ No. that can't be correct,” and figured again. Again the result didn't suit him and again he stirred up the capillary substance with his forefinger, and again he “ciphered.” The third result appeared to satisfy him. and ’ooking up at the customer he remarked: “At first I thought I was mistaken, but the second and third trials verify the finding of the first. According to our, rules for shaving paper you owe me just fifteen dollars, but as it’s you. I’ll take the paper and call it square.” The seller studied awhile and. concluded not to do it. — lowa State Regieter.