Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 December 1874 — Page 3

RENSSELAER UNION. JAKES k HEALEY, Proprietor*. RENSSELAER, - INDIANA.

* WHAT THE CHIMNE T SANG. Over the chimney the night-wind sang And chanted a melody no one knew: And the Woman stopped as the babe she tossed. And thought of the one she had long since lost. And eaid, as her tear-drops back she forced, " I hate the wind in the chimney/’ Over the chimney, the night-wind sang And chanted a melody no one knew: And the Children said, as they clpser drew, •• Tis some witch that is cleaving the black night through—’Tis a fairy trumpet that just then blew. And we fear the wind in the chimney,” < Over the chimney the night-wind sang. And chanted a melody no one knew: And the Man, as he eat on his hearth below, Said to himself, “It will surely snow. And fuel is dear and wages low,' And I'll stop that leak in the chimney.” Over the chimney the night-wind sang And chanted a melody- no one knew: But the Poet listened and smiled, tor he Was Man, and Woman, and Child, all three, And he said, " It is God’s own harmony. This wind that sings in the chimney.” —Bret Harte , in Frank Leslie's Illustrated.

THREE INDIAN SPIES.

A Tragical Stpry of the hate War.A very prominent consequence of our late civil war was the disturbing and demoralizing influence exercised by the sides of the “ divided house” upon the thoughts and habits of the various communities of Pueblos, or stationary village Indians, whose homes for centuries have been scattered along the various water-courses of the Territory of New Mexico. The Arcadian simplicity of these people became greatly disturbed, not only by the difficulty of understanding the merits of the question forced upon them by the rival partisans, but by their inability to comprehend why, if the foreigners should quarrel among themselves, it became the duty of the Pueblos to enlist their feelings and interests in matters above their comprehension and outside their policy. Many and varied were the councils at which the ancients of each village discussed all the possibilities and probabilities of the coming conflict, whose advahcg- tlipy had been informedof, from above and below, by their more distant colonies; and, though the Indian mind was unable to comprehend the cause or necessity of quarrel, the one inevitable fact was forced upon them that their interests would be seriously affected, not only by the already occurring interruption of the usual annual gratuities of corn, seed, dry goods, etc., from the General Government through its Indian agents, but because strangers had begun to call upon them—envoys from either side —asking their co-operation in certain measures wherein it was assumed they could be highly serviceable. It needs no very vigorous imagination to portray the embarrassment caused by these overtures to the simple villagers. They had fought in the sixteenth century gallantly, sometimes successfully, for their rights as possessors of the soil against the invasions of the bronzed, bearded and iron-clad knights of Spain, and had wrung from the monarchs of that country and from the Viceroys in Mexico the cherished charters which many of their alcaldes still held, bearing record of their possessory rights. They had peaceably and even eagerly acquiesced in the change when Mexican officials notified them of the transfer of "their allegiance to Vos Americanos in the session of 1848. They had never, by word or deed, been faithless or unfriendly to their new rulers, never denied help to the weary stranger, nor connived at the robberies and murders committed by the Navajoes and Apaches; but had given all possible aid in their repression; in short, had been “ ever faithful,” and were, consequently dismayed and confounded that they should be thus forced into a belligerent attitude by the exigencies Of the occasion; the least they could expect being that they should not oe forced to afctual violence against either side. Yet, simple-minded as the Pueblos were, they knew that warfare is a strong current whose mere eddies often draw loiterers from the shallow waters far out and into the swiftest tides, where they perforce must go as goes the stream; and so they looked forward with certainty for calls upon their assistance to be rendered in arms, men, or provisions. But more particularly as spies and scowts would they be expected to act. Both parties were aware of their proficiency, every spot of ground in the area of possible neighboring conflict being familiar to them. So the war went on, and the Pueblos played just such a part as they had anticipated would be theirs. There was now no beneficent Government to send highly acceptable annual presents, and therefore no Indian agent to largely dilute or restrain duringh, quadrennial existence the unwise extravagance of the Government. These all vanished, and in their stead came armed men, who half asked for, half took the contents of the village store-houses, giving in return strange and unintelligible documents which the initiated only would know were promises on the part of some one in military authority to pay for the stores taken —under certain f uture contingencies. The reader will j'udge their value to the Pueblos when he knows that most of these vouchers were from the Confederate authorities. Corn, chickens, eggs and onions—all staple commodities of Pueblo communities —were rapidly and surely disappearing undue the constant requisitions of the nontenants, and the direst privations were threatening for the future; but the poor Indian,though he might think and say with justifiable fervor: ‘ A plague of both your houses;” knew his weakness, and dared not say nay to either of them. It is, perhaps, creditable to both fighting parties few attempts were made to force the Pueblos out of their position as non-combatants, and equally creditable to the Pueblos that not only did they never leave that position but that they refrained from the general and wanton spoliation indulged in by the Mexicans and wild Indians of the United States forts when these were necessarily abandoned to the large approaching forces of the Confederate service. But, as in every community there are certain restless, adventurous spirits, it is Hot surprising that many of the young men, though refraining from open combative participation in the disturbances outside their world, exhibited no great dislike tq take part therein in the more secret capacity of scouts and spies; and the Confederates, in their march up the banks of the Rio Grande in the winter of 1861-3, frequently availed themselves of these services.. ;■>

With the judicious use of the information they provided and for other reasons not necessary to be given in this narrative, the march <of the Confederates upthe banks of the Rio Grande to Santa Fe was little else than a success. Petty skirmishes took place at various points. The most considerable of these was al Yalverde, near Fort Craig, after which the gray-coated victors took possession of SantaFe; whence,after exacting considerable contributions from its inhabitants, they proceeded to cross the mountain ridge on the road to Fort Union. Advancing in April, 1862, to Apache Canon, twenty-five miles, from Santa Fe, they found in the pine w6ods their Philippi. In this battle the skill and bravery of Lewis, Carey and other United States infantry officers organized and directed the splendid valor of the Colorado troops —a combination of skill and courage under the gallant command of Gen. Slough, too much even for the Texans, and their rout was complete. Everything was surrendered by them, and their forces were conducted back as prisoners by the road they came, giving their parole not to fight again unless exchanged. Many of the defeated Confederates scattered over the country, preferring probably to take the chances of escape — which in that mountainous region were good—after their own fashion; but subjected themselves by so doing to the rigid espionage at once adopted in the towns and villages adjacent to SantalFe and other military stations. Among these scattered persons were three young Pueblos who, in the capacity of scouts and spies, had been induced to accompany the Confederates from Isleta, one of the lower and larger of their villages below Los Pinos. Good treatment and good wages had produced in their minds a natural spirit of industrious and zealous partisanship, and much of the success attending the forays of the Confederates was well known to have resulted from the early and correct intelligence brought in by these spies. But as the business of spying-was viewed by all Pueblos as a commercial one, and separate from all sentiment involving patriotic feeling, spies of Pueblo origin were as plentiful in the Federal as in the Confederate service; and frem those in the United States ranks continual information was obtained respecting those who, with the enemy, had by tneir distinguished personal appearance, vigilanee and daring—become- sufficiently - wall known to be designated par excellence., “The three Pueblo spies.” The frontier military post of Fort Union, distant about 100 miles northeast of Santa Fe, is, from its geographical position and other circumstances, the most important post in New Mexico, and here extensive and critical espionage was specially maintained regarding strangers who might possibly be enemies disguised or otherwise. Here, at last, the three famous spies, having in after the defeat of Apache Canon, were detected strolling ahout the garrison, not attempting any concealment of tlieir well-known persons. To summon a guard, arrest and confine them, was the work of a few minutes. No resistance was Uttered, for they seemed quite unconscious of having done anything reprehensible, and all their after conversation gave evidence that they had only looked upon their campaign as a business matter, the rendering of services to travelers for good compensation. Fort Union is, or was, in war time, a settlement of considerable pretensions, a nucleus toward which many settlements centered, independently of its military standing; and, as the national exigencies had brought most civil matters under military jurisdiction and influence, a strong and capacious guard-house had recently been erected, in which offenders' of all classes, military and civil, were confined. Here the Pueblos were taken; but as the post-commander, Maj. Plyrnpton, was, from policy, disinclined to any harsh treatment of a class of men whom he considered as possessing very little knowledge of what was right or wrong in reference to international affairs, no orders were given for more than safe holding and they were left together and in the possession of their bows and arrows; it being comtemplated to release them after a few days’ confinement and send them back to their friends. In that guard-house there wyre congregated about thirty other men,-many-of them charged with extreme crimes; criminals who, when the usual conditions of frontier life were present, would have set the timid law and justice at defiance, but who, now that the functions of military and civil law were upited, found a power above themselves—one that could grapple with and quell the boldest and strongest. Among the prisoners was a sergeant of a Colorado regiment, some companies of which were at the post. This man upon being arrested by an officer of his company for misdemeanor fired at and killed the officer. Quick trial and a sentence of death Was the result, and the sentence was ordered to be carried into effect a few days after the arrest of the Pueblo spies. In accordance with a well-known military rule the whole of the prisoners in the guard-house were at the hour of execution marched out- to witness the punishment, which seen, they were marched back again to their prison. There is no doubt that the sight of the execution very seriously impressed the spies, and there is conclusive evidence from much subsequent testimony that this impression was observed by the other prisoners, and that from a devilish spirit of mischief the Mexican portion of them affected to believe that such was to be the fate of all the prisoners; especially might the spies expect a public death in a short time. Indeed, from the preparations now going forward it was very evident they would be shot to-mor-row —spies are always shot or -hung quickly after arrest—and they had bettor do what they could by escape tor otherwise before daybreak of the . morjpoSr; The effect of this lying communication upon the simple but susceptible Pueblos was prodigious. Giving, ignorance of outside life, full credence to the statements made, it never occurred to them to doubt the veracity of the tellers, and the gloom of despair and rage settled down offer their quivering faces. Hours passed byf The Indians, standing erect and apart .from all others, watched in silence the daylight sink into darkness. Food was brought, hut no hand of theirs moved toward it; the thoughtless joke and laugh passed round, but no feature of theirs moved in sympathy; nothing there could move to pleasure the men whose thoughts weye of an approaching and unmerited death; never again should light or life from the village of their childhood visit their hearts. 8o they passed the night in silence, solitude and gloom, while those who had caused all this misery slept a sweCt sleep which no care or crime could disturb. From the one small, iron-grated win-

dow which gave light and air to theii 1 prison-room the first faint pencilings of the dawn were just visible when one of the Pueblos stepping noiselessly to the he&vy door which opened into the guardroom, where the guard off’ duty slept soundly on their bunks, gave a quiet knock, the usual signal given by prisoners when wishing to communicate with the sergeant of the guard. This door was incautiously opened by a young and thoughless corporal, who had "seen through the bars that one of the Pueblos —whom he knew were only in temporary durance—was the applicant for speech. No word was spoken, but with the force and quickness of an electric shock the three Pueblos darted into the outer room, and rushing straight for the outermost door would have succeeded in passing it but at the moment the outside sentinel hearingJTscuffle quickly closed this main entrance, and thus prevented their escape. Disappointed, they turned with the fury of tigers upon the guard, and in a few minutes had almost overpowered the large but drowsy body of men who opposed them. A hatchet lay near the guard fire; one of the Pueblos seized it and killed the sergeant at one blow; another soldier was stabbed to death with a knife, seven were wounded seriously, and all seemed demoralized. The Indians had again gained the quter door, and had it partially opened, when the relief-guard, returning from patrol, intercepted and caused them to seek the shelter of the inner guard room from which they had emerged. The entire garrison was by this time fully aroused, and in an irregular manner had surrounded the guard-house, keeping up a desultory fire, but certainly doing as much to injure friend as foe since though many score shots were fired not one struck'the Indians. In the same room with them were the rest of the prisoners previously mentioned, all of whom seemed too paralyzed by the recent events to be capable of taking any part in the combat, and they kept themselves well out of it by crouching behind obstacles. Not so the Pueblos. Nothing could exceed the courage and energy with which they exposed themselves at the moment in which they discharged their sure-aimed arrows. Springing from the ground, they would shake their buffalo robes before the window do draw a shot, and in- an instant an arrow would find a victim. With a certainty and rapidity far surpassing the possibilities Of revolver-shooting these men, cool in their desperation, emptied their quivers so effectually that thirteen of their outside assailants were carried off helpless before all the arrows were shot. But this was their last possible effort; nothing now could save them; hundreds of men surrounded the guardhouse, and their capture was sure. An officer now stepped forward and asked them if they would surrender; they made no answer. He then called out to the other prisoners, “ All you who wish to save your lives come out at once.” To this appeal all but the Pueblos responded by coming to the door and surrendering to the guard outside. Preparations having been made for a final attack of a conclusive character upon the desperate men, another appeal was made: “ Come out who choose; remain and you will die!” Then came back in loud and ringing defiance these words —the only words yet uttered by them: “ Ya veremos! entre, si quiere /” —in English, “We shall see! come in, if you wish!” Again they were asked, “Will you come out?” but there was no reply, and the preparations for their death went on. The dekperate resolution of these unfortunates to kill and be killed had rendered the mode of their death a very secondary matter. It was indispensable that they should be deprived quickly of the power to do more mischief, and that no more lives should be exposed to their skill and courage. A sergeant of ordnance was therefore sent for, with instructions to bring a twelve-pound shell to the guard-house. He soon arrived, and, mounting the roof of the building, removed some of the vegas or joists which supported the adobe roof. A sufficient hole was thus made, the fuse was lit and the shell thrown in, its explosion causing the instant death of two of the Pueblos and wounding the third. That the remaining one should be quickly dispatched the Sergeant presented a musket to shoot him, when the PueDio, firing an arrow, struck him tothefaefe tLrough lip, nose, and skin of the forehead, causing the rapid retreat of the sergeant. Another man with a musket now mounted the roof, and, raising his weapon, fired; the Pueblo hred at the same time, but it was his last effort; his previous wound had weakened him, the arrow flew wide Of the mark, and he fell to the ground, shot through the body. His fall was but momentary; quickly springing to his feet, he shook his bow in defiance of his enemies; then holding it alpft he pointed to where the last musket-shot had broken it, threw it and his last arrow to the ground, then closing his eyes and sinking his head to his breast he began in low but audible monotones a song, probably indicative of defiance and triumph. Soon, however, it ceased, borne away with his life-blood, the fitting libation to his race. Such was the tragedy of “The Three Indian Spies.”— Overland Monthly. *

There Is Plenty of Time.

Find time for pleasure-seeking and fun-making. Do not be in a hurry; your work, if you should drop out, would have to be done by some one else, and the world care very little for the change. You are not a slave. No man or set of men have a right to command your time oae moment beyond the point that you consent to give to them. Hence you need not worry and fret, and try and toil as if under the driver’s lash. Go slow. Take ; it easy. Have fun—work—accumulate, ! but amidst all your gains count the joy- j ous moments you have as the soundest i and the best of your investments. 80, ! | Patrons, study not how you may get more i j riches, but rather how you may take from ; : property all that in it Is worth the hav- i ing—its power of yielding comfort. If j you fail in this jou do not get your j j money’s worth, anti have but one reward | for your sacrifice, and that reward is the i happy reflection that you have tugged, | and toiled, and fretted to save money | for an ungrateful son or worthless soni in-law to squander. Shame on the man I or woman who will be so unkind to their ; poor craven selves as to forget that this world owes them what they owe to the world. Go in for fun, we say. Your Grange—a sad old place it would become but for the jovial few good souls whom nature marked for her noblemen, in this, that she gaveAbem smiles where other thoughtless men gave frowns, and kindly words where ungenerous women gave snarls. —American Patron. ‘ T

Cremation Among North American Indians.

Dr. John L. Le Conte read a paper at the Hartford meeting of the Americap j Association, giving an account of a cereifionial .of cremation among the Cocopa | Indians of California, of he was |an eye-witness. A shallow ditch was dug, in which logs of the inesquite, a hard, dense wood which makes a very i hot fire, with but little flame or j smoke, were laid. The body was placed Lon the logs with so toe smaller fagots piled upon it and a few of the. personal effects of the <seceased were alsd added. Fire was then applied to the pile. At this point the doctor was about to retire Vfhen one of the Indians told him to.remain as there was yet something to beseen. An old man then advanced from the assemblage with a long, pointed stick in his hand. With this lie removed the eyes, holding them successively on the point of the stick in the direction of the sun, repeating at the same time words which were represented,as being a prayer for the soul of the deceased. After this more fagots were heaped on the fire, which was kept up for three or four hours longer. When the fire has gone out it is the custom to gather the fragments of bone and put them in a terra-cotta vase, which Is kept under the care of the family. I)r. Le Conte was unable to say whether the custom of burning the dead was a general one or not among this or other California tribes of Indians, but thought it desirable to gather up and put on record whatever evidence there might be on so interesting a subject before the total disappearance of these people put the settlement of the question beyond our reach.

Eccentric Weddings.

Some three or four weeks ago the blissful serenity of the Yorkshire villslge of Horbury was "somewhat rudely interrupted by certain grotesque proceedings in connection with “Nut’s Wedding Day.” The individual popularly known as “Nut” is a Horbury man, who follows the calling of boatman, and about three weeks previous to his marriage he began courting one of his female acquaintances, the “ askings,” as the banns are locally designated, being “ put up” on the same day that the courtship began, and the wedding taking place on the asking. So far there was nothing unusual injtbe proceedings, but a boatman’s wedding, like those of more exalted personages, is not an every-day occurrence, and Nut’s friends determined that the" traditional rights and ceremonies connected with such occasions should be faithfully observed. Accordingly, at five o’clock on the morning of the wedding-day a number of musicians, accompanied by a large crowd of villagers, proceeded to the residences of the affianced couple, where they played several sacred airs. After this there was a substantial breakfast, at which “Nut,” his intended, and a large number of friends were present, the etiquette customary on such occasions being faithfu,lly observed. Breakfast over, a commodious dray made its appearance in the street, the vehicle being provided with seats for the wedding party. Among the occupants of the dray were twelve men wearing cocked hats, and profusely adorned with paper stars, roses and streamers. At the end of the dray was a large crimson banner, the horses drawing the vehicle being gayly caparisoned. In this style the wedding party proceeded to a public house near the church, where they descended from the conveyance and walked to the sacred edifice. Here the wearers of the cocked hats, together with the bearer of the crimson banner, were refused admittance, and the wedding ceremony,despite several unseemly interruptions, was performed during their absence. Of the saturnalia which succeeded the return of the wedding party from the church the less said the better; it was not a thing of which the friends of the English workingman could feel proud. Such eccentric weddings are not, however, of very unusual occurrence. There is scarcely a clergyman in any part of the United Kingdom, especially in the manufacturing districts, who cannot relate some curious incidents or observances in connection with certain weddings at which he officiated. Some few years ago a somewhat picturesque procession might have been met in one of the most densely populated parts of the metropolis. It consisted of a dozen couples, headed by a newly-married pair, who were returning from the ehurch in which the wedding ceremony had been performed. The members of the procession were profusely adorned with artificial flowers, the men wearing garlands round their hats, while in front of the bride and bridegroom marched the father of the bride triumphantly carrying something like a small May-pole*.' Upon inquiry, it appeared that both husband and wife, as well as their friends, were artificial flower makers. On another occasion the clergyman was astonished at finding an old tin coffee-pot forming a prominent object in the wedding procession, which slowly marched down one of the , aisles toward the chancel. Still more astonished was the worthy minister when, the wedding ceremony over, the whole of the party knelt down and, with the antiquated coffee-pot in their midst, sang a hymn or thanksgiving. At first he began to entertain grave doubts as to their sanitjv but a few words qf explanation speedily set his mind at-'rest. It appeared that after the death of the bridegroom’s father, a man of most eccentric habits, no traces could be discovered of some money whi h he was known to have secretly saved. Unwilling to marry his sweetheart Until lie was enabled to provide a home for her, the son determined to proceed to America to seek his fortune, and with that view began clearing out the few articles of furniture left hinj by his* father. Among these was an old coffee-pot, which he kicked contemptuously from "him. In so doing the lid fell off ani a sovereign rolled out. This led to an examination of the contents of the despised utensil, which were found to consist of bank notes and coin to the amount of nearly-£2OO. Of course there was no more talk of going to America, and asTtor the coffee-pot it became regarded as a precious-heirloom. The butcher fraternity were formerly notor iou s for the noisy manner in whi ch they celebrated the wedding of one of their number, and there are many -people who can yet remember the grotesque of a butcher’s wedding procession, headed by a score of stalwart butchers’, lads, creating a most terrific din with the aid of cleavers and marrowbones. These proce.ssions have become things of the past, but the marrowbones and cleaver concerts are still performed in front of the residences of newly-married couples, to the frantic rage, of all who re-

side within hearing of the unearthly noise. The London dustmen were at one period a rather numerous and powerful body, and the marriage of one of their body was celebrated in peculiar fashion, the now obsolete handbells used by them being called into active requisition. 6n one occasion a procession of dust-carts, filled with women and children attired in holiday clothing and preceded by half a dozen instrumental performers, accompanied the bridal party on their way to church. But the use of bells in connection with marriage celebrations was most frequent in Lancashire, where the campanology has long formed a popular form of amusement, and it is related of one newlywedded campanologist that he and his bride were nearly driven mad by the incessant sound of the bells rung by his friends *on his wedding-day. Bells at daybreak, bells at breakfast, bells at church, bells at dinner, bells at tea; it was beHs, bells, bells, nothing hut bells, even after the midnight hour had struck, until he must have dreamed himself the hero of Poe’s famous poem. Perhaps, however, the oddest wedding was that of a couple in the North of England, where the bride made her appearance in a dirty, tattered gown, the bridegroom having, in a fit of passion, solemnly sworn that he would marry none but a beggar woman. Of course the unseemly raiment was discarded immediately after the ceremony was performed.— London Graphic.

Rejected Curiosities.

The International Exhibition at South Kensington has this year produced very little effect upon the public mind. The novelty of such exhibitions is gone, and the panderers to the public taste for something new have introduced catshoes, donkey-shoes, and even exhibitions of bar-maids. King Koffee’s umbrella, exhiDited at the South Kensington Mu-, seum, has received the palm in popular estimation, partly because of its cumbrous, unscientific formation, but more probably on account of the novelty, and of the parade made about it in the newspapers as the greatest trophy of the Ashantee war. It has, however, been suggested that the eccentric exhibitors whose articles were rejected in the great International Exhibition of 1862 should now have an opportunity of showing to the world the Wonders of their imagination or the peculiarities of their mind; and though with no desire to further this object we give a few of the proposed contributions rejected by the commissioners of the 1862 exhibition: A lady sent a stuffed cat which she said lived to be fourteen years of age, and was known to have killed during his life 3,270 rats. It followed its mistress for miles, and would seize a rabbit now and then and place it at her feet. A man dating from Willenhall, Staffordshire, whose name we withhold, wrote as follows: “Oi don’t no if hanemals is to be showd but if they be, oi got a dog, a bull dog, has ansom has paant and he wul kill rots again ony hanimal the furrinners can bring—and there be chaps here has will fund money to back em—All oi want his a cnance at thim furrinners if they be goin to bring dogs oi must bring em rnysel and if you be ready oi am—he has kilt sixty rots in twenty mtouts and that as moor on ony furrinner can do —you be save on backing a me—send enuff munny to pay me railwa and oi will be wi you.” A number of hideous stuffed monstrosities were sent —cats with three heads, dogs with six legs, half-dogs, half cat, calves with six eyes, four eyes, and numerous other lusus naturae; but the office of the exhibition had not been open many months when an American gentleman called to make a proposition of a still more “advanced” description.’ He was the fortunate possessor of the embalmed body of Julia Pastrana—a poor creature, half-baboon, half-woman —who created a sensation in England a few years before; and he thought that arrangements might be made with the Commissioners to show this dead wonder at 6d. a head. He seemed much astounded when his offer was refused. A lady wrote to say that she could procure the identical shirt that Charles I. was executed in. It was composed of the/finest possible cambric, most elaborately worked, and had been handed down to her from early ancestors; but unfortunately it was then in the hands of the pawnbroker, who had advanced ten pounds upon it. If she could receive this sum and a further amount sufficient to buy a glass case for it this would prove one of the greatest attractions in the exhibition and show how superior was the needlework of that age to any produced at the present time. Another lady sent a large sheet of card-board, on which only black marks were visible, without any outline that could be understood. She wrote: “ This, gentlemen, is done with charcoal—charcoal. no drawing-pencil, simply charred wood. I want it exhibited to show to the world that woman’s mind is superior to circumstahces, and that I, a woman without means, am superior to Michael Angelo." The Commissioners sent it back with the curt remark: “With thanks, but no space.” A man who was evidently ahead of the time—for no one had then talked about cremation —wished to exhibit an apparatus by which 100 pounds of animal matter could be reduced to dust by six pounds of charcoal in a few hours without causing an offensive smell. “This,” he said, labeling a small packet containing a few ounces of dust, “is all that remains of a largerdog.” The Commissioners were at a loss to see the utility of his invention at that period, and, therefore, refused to allow him space. The smallest contribution which was declined was a penny loaf of the year 1801. The applicant for space to exhibit this loaf of bread said that he believed it to be the oldest piece of bread in the world.. It was purchased by the applicant’s father sixty years before, when wheat was selling at one guinea a ; bushel; and for the purpose of preserving as a specimen of very dear bread a j string net wap made, in which it had been incased ever since. A thoughtful friend of the Commissioners sent a number of small physic powders all the way from Baden-Baden. | They were carefully directed, as rhedi- | cine packets usually are, and were in- | tended to repair the exhausted eonstitu- ! tions of the overworked officials. [ A Norwegian sent a chart of the earth j to prove that it was not round, but fiat; and asked that space might be given him to lecture in, when he would show how blind all the learned men had been on this subject, and would teach the rising generation truths that it would be worthy of the exhibition to unfold. One persdn, on the other liana, asked that space should be given him to suspend a pendulum by a link 120 feet long,

and the said pendulum would show the earth’s diurnal movement. This was to some extent carried out at the Paris International Exhibition, where a pendulum weighing upward of a ton was suspended by a thick wire, with numerous swivel^ upon it; underneath, the hours for day'and night were marked, and the pendulum being set going when the sun was at his meridian it marked the time accurately, apparently changing its motion, but in reality continuing its action from north to south by means of the swivels; the presumption being that the surface had changed its position, showing the earth’s rotation. One gentleman, a Frenchman, of a poetic turn of mind, wished to pht the whole official catalogue into flowing verse and to work up all the minutes, documents, and decisions of the Commissioners into an epic poem. Of the thousands of applicants for space some professed to produce glass eyes so true' to nature that none could believe them to be artificial; others asserted that they could produce wigs superior to the natural hair, and that whiskers and mustaches could be so fixed upon the face as to give a hirsute appearance to the most barefaced individuals. There were coffins of the most indel structible character; and specimens were absolutely sent of embalmed bodies, to prove how mortal flesh can be preserved from decay. Lastly, there was an applicant for space who had the elixir of life and only wanted an opportunity of some one dying suddenly within the Exhibition building to prove the miraculous power of his mixture. As to persons who had found out the science of perpetual motion, there were at least a score; and of men who were prepared to invent a system of flying through the air, almost as many. One' gentleman was so enthusiastic on this subject that he wished to exhibit an aerial machine in action under one of the great domes, where he thought he could spring up and down like an acrobat in a gigantic baby-jumper. When his offer was politely declined he as politely thanked the Commissioners, feeling that their object in refusing him • permission to exhibit was only to save him from making a great personal sacrifice in preparing his machine. We could give other instances of would-be exhibitors, but have said sufficient to prove that it would not be difficult to get up an exhibition of their inventions all to themselves.— Chambers' Journal.

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—A little six-year-old maiden in Norwich, Conn., was reprimanded by her father for something, and, being indignant thereat, went out and tied crape on the front door, remarking: “ Now every one will wonder as they go by who is dead in our house.” —A couple of Potomac loafers were yesterday at the Detroit & Milwaukee depot to see a friend off, and he said to one of them: “ Then you won’t be down to see the dog-fight?” “ No, I guess not,” replied the man, mournfully. “ The old woman won’t live over half a day, and if I don’t kinder stop around the house folks will talk about it. I’d like to be there and bet on the yaller dog, but I’ve got to hang around here till the old lady’s laid up!”— Detroit Free Prest. —A Manchester (N. H.) lady has lately narrowly escaped having two husbands to care for. She had grown tired of being alone in the world and had accepted the proposal of a steady mechanic to become his wife. The wedding was appointed for Thanksgiving Eve, friends were invited and a clergyman secured, and the ceremony was about to begin when the door opened and in walked a former husband of the lady who years ago disappeared from the knowledge of his young wife and has since been “ sailing the wide seas over” in search of her. The wedding was postponed. —Two boys were standing before a cigar store, when one asked the other, “Have you got three cents?” “Yes.” “Well, I have got two cents; give me your three cents and I will buy a fivecenter.” “All right,” says No. 2, handing out his money. No. 1 enters the store, procures the cigar, lights it and puffs with a good deal of satisfaction. “ Come, now, give U3a pull,” says No. 2, “ I furnished more than half the money.” “ I know that,” says the smoker; “but then I’m the President, and you being only a stockholder, you can spit.” —A handsome young Englishman, making a call at a house in Washington where there resided some of the loveliest young ladies, suddenly discovered that he had come out without his purse. The prettiest of the ladies said, “ ShaH I lend you a dollar?” “ Would you?” was the reply. The dollar was produced from the most charming porte*monnaie, and the beautiful American lady said, laughingly, “ I must have interest, you know, when you return it.” The handsome Englishman called next day, repaid the dollar, and, placing a couple of exquisitely cut bottles of perfume on the table, added, “ and there is the interest, two cents.” —An old man up in Connecticut had a poor, cranky bit of a wife, who regularly once a week got up in the night and invited the family to see her die. She gave Sway her things, spoke her last words, mad,e her peace with heaven, and then about eight o’clock in the morning she got up in the usual way and disappointed everybody by going at her household duties as if nothing had happened. The old man got sick of it finally, and went out and got a coffin, a real nice Cashmere shroud, a wreath of immortelles with “Fa/ewell, Mary Ann” worked in, and a handful of silverplated screws. Laying the screw-driver beside the collection, he invited her to just holler die once more. “Do it,” said he, “and in you go, and this farewell business is over.” Mary Ann is at this moment baking buckwheat cakes for a large and admiring family while they dry apples in the coffin up in the garret. —A West Hill minister picked up a frozen wasp on the sidewalk yesterday, and with a view to advancing the interests of science be carried It in the house and held it by the tail while he its ears over a lamp-chimney. His object was to see if wasps froze to death or merely lay dormant during the winter. He is of the opinion that they merely lie dormant and the-dormantest kind at that, and when they revive he says the tail thaws out first, for while this one’s head, right over the tamp, was so stiff and cold it could no# work, its probe worked with such inconceivable rapidity that the minister couldn’t gasp fast enough to keep up with it. He threw the vicious thing down the lamp-chim-ney, and said he didn’t want to have any more trtifck with a dormant wasp, at which his wife burst into tears and asked how he, a minister of the Gospel, could use such language, right before the children, too ßurlington