Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 December 1874 — Little Letters. [ARTICLE]

Little Letters.

Matilda.— Good husbands are skarse —so are good wives—and it looks to me just now az tho they waz going to be more skarser. Yu kant ketch good husbands bi fishing too mutch for them; they are a game fish, and are very pertikerlar about the bait, and how it iz handled. There is grate skill too in reeling them in after they are fairly hooked. Menny a fine fish haz been lost by kareless reelj ing in. Morris. —l am an advokate ov Fashion, not bekauz I luv it for itself, but bekauz i kno its power, and am anxious to hav it kept az hi toned az possible. Fashion controls the acktions ov more people to-day than religion duz. Harrold.— The usual substitute for a baby in the houshold iz a lap dog, and 1 have allwuss pittyed the dog. Dogs luv to run around out doors nights, sleep in the coal box, hav a skirmish now and then with some other purp in the neighborhood, hunt for fleas, and burry and dig up Jiones on their own account.

It iz tuff on a dog to be held in the lap all the time, to be fed with a spoon and hav hiz ears put up in kurl papers, and hiz tail braided—it iz mortal tuff on the dog, I tell yu. Gertrude. —Yu tell me that yu hav been 5 years at a boarding-skool. and hav just finished yure edukashun and want to kno what yu shall do next. Listen, mi gushing Gertrude, and I will tell yu. Git up in the mornmg in good season go down into the kitchen, seize a potatoe by the throat with one hand and a knife with the other, skin the potato and a dozen more just like it, stir up the buckwheat batter, look in the oven and see how the biskitt are doing, bustle around generally, step on the cat’s tail and help yure good old mother git brekfast. After brekfast put up the yung children’s luncheon for skool, help wash up the dishes, sweep sum, put things in order and sumtime during the day nit at least two inches and a half on sum one pf yure brother’s little blue woolen stockings for next winter. In other words go to work and make yureself usefull now that yu hav becum ornamental, and if yu hav enny time left after the beds are all made and the duks hav been fed pilch into the pianna and make the old rattle box skream with musik. Do this for one year, and sum likely yung fellow in the naborhood will hear ov it, and will begin to hang around yu, and say sweeter things than yu ever heard before, and finally will give yu a chance to keep hous on yure own hook. Yu follow my advice, Gerty, and see if he dont Peck.— Mi opinyun ov the lottery bizzness iz very well developed, and i hav notissed that putting a very little money to ketch a good deal with haz allwuss been the pltm ov very cunning men, but not the plan ov very wize men. Thare iz plenty ov folks in this world who, if they buy 500 dollars’ worth ov lottery tickets and draw 375 dollars back, think they are on the sure road to auckcess, and this iz just what makes the lottery ritch, and keeps the fellow who invests in it allwuss greing poorer. The chances ov drawing a large prize in a lottery iz just about az certain az the north pole gitting struk with litening. Lotterys are legalized in sum States, but they are the very wust kind uv gambling, bekauze they are so sekret. A man better thro the money into the fire that he invests in lotterys, for he mite git sik ov that after a while and quit.

Mrs. Tccker. —Neatness iz one ov the virtews, and it ain’t one ov the least ones neither. But thare iz a certain kind ov hail Columbia! neatness that makes the possessor ov it and everyboddy else around them mizerable. I hav seen good square Christian wimmin who would sLrub sumthingfrom Jan. 1,1871, to Jan. 1,1872, and deklare all the time “ that things waz too filthy for ennything.” I hav known them to git up at four o’clock in the morning, and hunt for dirt bikandle lite, and keep hunting until bedtime, and then hav a cockroach nite mare, of dream haft the nite that the old hous kat waz in sum kind ov mischief. ■if these kind ov wimmin hav enny children they wear themself out, and the children too, trieing to keep the molasses off from their bibs and following them around to see if they brought enny mud into the hous on their shuze. Thare iz no peace and quietness in a housbold ov this kind ; every boddy iz oneasy, and the kat iz on the jump, all the time. —Joth Billing*, in N. T. Weekly. 1 The tea-dealer’s motto—Honest tea.