Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 December 1874 — Revolvers vs. Stomach Pumps. [ARTICLE]

Revolvers vs. Stomach Pumps.

Yesterday, about dinner-time, Jep Rice observed a seedy deadffieat slipping into his dining-room without registering himself at the captain’s office. On stepping into the hall he observed the hungry patron laying in a generous supply of first-class grub in the Moat approved style. Times being hard, Jep could not stand the onslaught on his bill of fare without revenge, so he sent for Mat Matson, who c %6on appeared and stationeiL himself at the door. After a long siege at the table our cadaverous D. B. requested a tooth-pick and walked carelessly* to the street door, where he was politely stopped by Mat, who asked him if he had dinner.' On replying that he had dined, he was marched in to interview Jep. “ Well,” said Jep. “ You had dinner?” “ Yes.” “ Did you have a good dinner ?” “ Yes, one of the best I ever had in my life, and the only meal I have eaten for three days.” “Well, how did you like the bill of fare?” “ Oh, first rate.” “ Have you paid for it?” “ No, but I am just going down to get a little money, and will come back and settle it.” “ Well, that don’t pay my bills, so we will just settle r.ght here,” said Jep, reaching away under the counter in a threatening manner. “ Hold on, Mr. Rice,” said D. 8., looking alarmed. “ What are you reaching for?” J " A revolver,” said Jep. “ Oh, well,”, said the dead-beat, “ that's all right. I was afraid you were reaching for a stomach-pump.” Jep caved in at this cool rejoinder, invited him to be shre to be around at 6upper time, and took the . crowd down to drink. —Leavenworth Comttwrcial.