Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 November 1874 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—“You look as if you were beside , yourself," the wag said to a fellow who stood by the side of an ass. —This is the way the Indian magistrates of Natick used to issue their warrants: “You, you big constaole, quick you catchum Jeremiah Offscow, strong you holdam, safe you bringum afore me. Thomas Waban, justice peace ” —The eclipse was not all moonshine, but that talk about the earth’s shadow was humbug. A Chicago girl raised her foot to scratch her ankle, and the foot got between the sun and the moon. — Milwaukee Sentinel. —The typographical fiend has at last come to grief. A printer in the Lynchburg Republican office had his hand disabled the other day by the bite of a coon. He had spelt the animal’s name with ak. And now he bitterly repents it. —“ Didn’t I tell you to have my hot water at the chamber door early in the morning?” savagely exclaimed a gentle- 1 man to his servant. “ Well, didn’t I bring it up over night to make sure on it?” responded the servant, in an injured tone. —A man being interrogated on a trial, spoke several words with great impropriety; and at last, saying the word curiosty, a counselor exclaimed: “How that fellow murders the English language!” “Nay,” returned the other, “ he has only knocked an I out.” —A perplexed sclineider, who had madea garment for a youth and found himself unable to dispose of the surplus fullness which appeared when trying it on the young candidate, declared vociferously: “De coat is goot. Is no fault of de coat De poy is too tin.” —“Jabezi Jabez!” a Sixth street woman was heard shrieking to her husband a little after midnight, “ get up and come to the window; here’s the eclipse!” “All right,” murmured Jabez, sleepily, “ tell ’em to set it on the steps, ’n I’lh look at it in th’ morning. Gu-r-r-r!”— Burlington Hawk-Eye. —Two soldiers were heard conversing during the Mexican war. “ What brought you here?” said one. “To tell the truth, love of adventure. I have no family ties, and I enlisted because I wanted to see some fighting.” “ Alas!” said the other, “ I am a married man, and i came here for exactly the opposite reason—i wanted to see some peace.”