Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 November 1874 — The Apple. [ARTICLE]

The Apple.

The apple iz the oldest fruit on reckord, and one ov the best. The fust ackount we have ov it waz in the gardin ov Eden. Eve is sed to hav et the fust one, and pronounced it good, and induced Adam to take a bite. The eating ov the fust apple haz never been konsidered mutch ov a hit for the rest ov us. The apple will keep longer than enny other fruit, and kan be worked up into apple-sass or dumplings with grate suckcess. I look upon good apple-sass and dnmplings az the chief end ov man, az far az sass is concerned. Enny man who dont luv and hanker after theze two preparashuns iz morally wrong sum how. He should be attacked bi a inishionary at once. Sho me the kind ov sass that a man don’t luv. and duz luv, and I kan tell pretty near whether it will do to send that man to the Legislator or not. I kan tell a man’s true karakter bi what he eats the most ov, clusser than I kan to hear him deliver a temperance orashun. Talk ov all kinds iz artyfishall, but vittles and drink iz natur. Whenever yu see a man cussing and swearing at apple-sass and good light dumplings yu kan bet 10 dollars on mi ackount that he aint a good fireside companyun. Apples also, jvhen they are well squeezed, produce sider, which iz next to milk az a ferterlizer. Good sharp honest vinegar would be az unkommon az piety, or true affeckshun, if thare waz no cider laying around loose. The apple iz also very grate when it iz thrown into pi. There ain’t no pi in natral history that haz been et more, and bragged on oftner, and louder, than apple pi, scented up well with nutmeg and sugar. It iz the standard pi ov our forefathers, it iz good hot, kold, or lukewarm, and iz allwuss az ready to pitch into as a saddle rok oyster on the haff-shel. Sho me the man who don’t luv good apple pi, and who won’t offer to site the man who abuzes it, and i will sho yu a man who a fust klass missionary couldn’t make days’ wages trieing to convert. And pray tell me, all yee saints and sinners, who ever et for brekfasst, dinner, or supper enny better warm or kold sass than a baked apple, with the kore kut out ov it, and a lettle melted sugar poured over? I will give enny man ninety daze to answer this question, and sho what kind ov sweet meets kan beat it. Apples are good peeled, kut up into quarters, strung onto a string like beads, and hung up in the kitchen to dry. The apple iz the best fruit in kreashun, az fur az we hav got, and if thare want enny other kind known to man we could all ov us git thru life, az fur az sass iz concerned, without making enny fust-klass blunders.— Jotfi BiUinge, in if. Y. Weekly.