Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 November 1874 — Family Government. [ARTICLE]

Family Government.

How shall children be trained by thoughtful, careful parents at home! It is safe to say that every reader of this article would answer this question differently. There is the father who has obedient children. He boasts that he only needs to speak once to insure quiet or the performance of any task he may allot. When he comes into the room the laughter is hushed—the blast of tin trumpets ceases. Tommy and Jamie and Jack fold their arms demurely, glance at the lord of the mansion furtively, ami creep out the door at the first chance to have “ slathers” of fun in the garden or garret. His household is governed systematically, but is it not governed too much! Though anything but pleasant at times, we still delight in seeing the father set upon by the children as if he were nothing but an elder child himself. We like to see him protesting and scolding seriously at the little ones for pinching his legs, and behold his indignant w-ords smothered by the kisses of the baby, who does not fear his frowns. However disagreeable it may be to see children noisy and boisterous in the presence and in spite of the remonstrances of their parents, we may be pretty sure that their bad side is toward us, and that they do not improve the opportunity when the backs of the father and mother are turned to do worse. For ourselves, then, we would rather witness too much liberty than too much restriction; too much freedom than too much fear. Is there not a happy medium, however, which avoids unbridled license on the one hand and a craven and unhealthy submission on the other? We all know that there is. We go into some families where an air of happiness and order reigns on every hand. The parents and the visitors are not interrupted by ill-mannered children, but neither are the children frowned into silence by threatening gesture or promised punishment. It seems perfectly natural that everything should run smoothly; that the boys should come in and go out at the right time; that the girls should speak when desired, and should be silent when it is proper for them to be so. Even the baby goes to sleep at precisely the right time, or wakes up not a moment too soon to give the admiring visitor a chance to pinch its fat cheeks and depart. Now how does all this come -about? —We answer that much of it is the fruit of a daily observance of order and pr< >pr;ety. as much when the family are alone as when strangers are by. We cannot expect children to have a stock of modesty, propriety and politeness by them to use only on particular occasions. These adornments should be put on every day and worn as constantly as dress, until by and by they become so much a part of the child that he cannot do without them. We suppose there is not a mother in the country who has not told her child to say “Thank you” when offered anything by a stranger, and she is surprised and mortified when the boy or giiT neglects thisyafter such repeated adjurations. But does she herself say it to the child, todhe~servant, to all abopt the household who do her service? Not -at all if - she did, there would_ be no necessity for impressing it on the memory of her children. It would grow into their language until it would be as natural as “yes” or “no.” And as with this, so also with all the little proprieties which grace and gladden life. If they are not in use in the home they are apt to be hid on State occasions; or if brought forth at all, are apt to look so suspiciously new and awkward as to tell the story of their rare appearance, and reveal the incivility behind them. Politeness costs nothing, and American so cietv generally is lacking in it. Especially are the children of the present generation, and not only children but young men and women, lacking in that respect for aged persons so proper in the young. In this we have not advanced, but receded. There is a careless indifference, an ignoring of the presence, a contemptuous treatment of old people by younger ones, nowadays, of which we all ought to be heartily ashamed. The first lesson that children should learn is veneration for age; and let them learn this, as they learn the other graces, from the example instead of the precept of their parents.

Children should be taught to speak well of everybody. The child that always has something evil to tell of others will grow up, if left unchecked, that most contemptible of all persons—a backbiter, Usually evil speaking is learned at home, and when we hear a child confidentially slandering a playmate we may be prettv certain that this is but a repetition of something it has heard from older persons. Let the child hear you speak nothing but good of your neighbors, and so from association' he will learn to speak well of all. Finally, speaking for ourselves, we do not believe in severity to children. The father who governs by fear may control his family perfectly while they are young, but a time will come when timidity will depart, and then his power is gone. If, instead of being a stern ruler, he is the Confidential friend and. adviser of his children, his influence does not cease when they are beyond his physical government,but extends through life. Experience will show, we think, that kindness, a willingness to make allowances for youth, judicious praise when it is possible to give it, and generally a disposition on the part of the parents to g’ve children their time, confidence and ve, are better far than that cold severity which repels them and makes them eager to escape the presence and observation of the father or mother. “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” though uttered by a wise man, was in cur estimation a most erroneous conclusion. Experience does not prove it to be true, and experience is” the best guide for us.— lnter-Ocean.