Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 October 1874 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—“ Thou rainest in this bosom,” was the remark of a Lothario when his fair one threw a basin of water over him for “ caterwauling” under her chamber window. —“I tell you what,” said a Troy widower, as he spit out of the window, “it seems awful jyhen I think Sary’s down in the ground instead of being around fixing to dry apples.” —-A Chicago woman dipped her feet in the Mississippi River, at St. Louis, the other day, and the effect was noticed as far down as Alemphis, where the water rose several inches.— Brooklyn Argus. —“ Well, how do you get along?” inquired a country landlord, one rainy morning, of a guest whom he had put in a top-floor room under a leaky roof. “Oh, swimmingly,” was the reply —A Alaine paper is publishing a list of all the accidents by drowning during the last forty or fifty years; and the little boys are greatly impressed by it, and frequently read the sad chronicle while waiting for their hair to dry after they have come out of the river. —“ I hope, Airs. Giles,” said a lady who was canvassing for a.choir at the village church, “ you will persuade your husband to join us! lam told he has a very sonorous voice.” “A sonorous voice, maim!” said Airs. Giles. “ Ah! you should hear it coming out of his nose when he’s asleep.” —The other day a minister offered prayer at the laying of a corner-stone. A brisk young reporter bustled up and said: “Iwish you would give me the manuscript of that prayer.” “I never write out my prayers,” replied the preacher. “ Well,” said the reporter, “ I couldn’t hear a word you said.” “Z wasn't praying to you," quickly responded the parson. —A fellow rushed into an office one morning with the interrogation: “ What’s the difference between the mice that have just been eating my greenbacks and the epistles of Paul?” All present subsided, and he gasped: “They’re both scripchewers!” and then rapidly proceeded to the door. —Justice Bartholomew Lynch, of New Orleans, is one of the judicial notabilities of that city. After listening to a two-hour argument by Lawyer Hagan, the other day, Jie raised himself slowly in his chair and inquired very mildly: “ Are ye through, Alister Hagan?" “ Y’es, sir.” “Are ye sure you’re through?” “Yes, sir; quite sure.” “Well, sir,” remaiked Lynch, “ your argument has had ho more effect upon the Court than a spoonful of water on the back of a duck. There’s been judgment entered up against ye for an hour or more.” —The Detroit Free Press records the following touching incident: “Sunday night a policeman on Baker street; passing a certain house about ten o’clock, saw a man drop from a window and heard smothered cries inside. He seized the man for a burglar, but soon found that he had the owner of the house in his clutches. “Well,” said the- officer, “it looks suspicious to see you drop out of a Window that way.” “ the man, heaving a sigh, “ when tnwld woman gets her dander up I ain’t particular about what road I take to get out of the house.”

Pickled Plums.—Seven pounds sweet blue plums, four pounds brown sugar, two,ounces 1 stick cinnamon, two ounces whole cloves, one quart vinegar. Put a layer of plums and spice alternately. Scald the vinegar and the sugar together; pour it on the plums; repeat for two or three -days, the last time scalding plums and sirup together.