Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 September 1874 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—A little boy hearef his mother tell of eighteen head of cattle being burned the other night. “ Weren’t their ta!ls burnt also?” he inquired. —“ Did I not give you a flogging the other day?” said a schoolmaster to a trembling boy. “Yes, sir,” answered the boy. “ Well, what do the Scriptures say on the subject?” “I don’t know, sir,” said the other, “ except it is in that passage which says ‘ it is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ’’ —“Oh, no, dear Charles,” said the widow to her cousin on their return from the funeral obsequies of the lamented, “nothink—no, nothink can e’er assuage my grief. Bpt, ipr my friends’ sake, I must live on; and if you could order half a dozen of those nice softshell crabs and a porter-house beef-steak (rare) from around the corner I will try to be unselfish for love’s sake.” —Not long ago an officer of the London School Board was crossing Covent Garden at a late hour, when he found a little fellow making his bed for the night in a fruit basket. “ Would you not like to go to school and be well cared for?” asked the official. “ No,” replied the urchin. “But do you know that I am one of the people who are authorized TO take up little boys whom I find as I find you?” “I know you are, old chap, if you find them in the streets, but this here is not a street. It is private property, and if you interferes with my liberty the Duke of Bedford will be down upon you. I know the bact as well as you.”— Christian Union. —lt is said that a lawyer of this city purchased from a son of St. Crispin a pair of boots, for which he promised to pay six dollars. The boot-maker dunned him until he grew weary, and at length asked his creditor if he could sue a lawyer. “ Certainly you can,” said the lawyer. “ Then I will go and sue you at once.” “It is not worth your while,” said the disciple of Blackstone, at the same time writing out a hill and receipting it. “ Here is a hill of five dollars for legal advice, and one dollar greenback. That just square! the account. There is no use suing.” The hoot-maker thought so too, but does not press the lawyer for further orders.— Evansville Journal. —The boys of Pittsburgh have held a mass meeting, and resolved: “We will go in swimming whenever we please, and won’t come any extra shenanigan about getting our hair dry to sell the folks at home, and that we will have shirts to wear so that the big fellows won’t laugh at us when we are undressing;” that “ we are willing to do the square thing by our parents, but ain’t cut for tending to babies, and we won’t do any labor about home that does not properly come withiq boys’ sphere, and not that if it interferes with the hours of play, Which health demands hoys should have, viz.: Between seven o’clock in the a. m. and nine in the p. with necessary intermission for meals; that straps and taws nor cowhides nor slippers will have any effect in this rebellion. If they try that game, it will be good-by, John, for errands.” ✓