Rensselaer Union, Volume 6, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 September 1874 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

Noted quacks—Ducks. Debt grows bigger the more you contract it. An era unknown to women —The middle ages. Bread is the staff of life—the want of it —the starve. They have found a worm in Pennsylvania that bores through the . hardest rock. Observe with what tender reverence an undertaker gazes upon a load of watermelons. It makes a big difference when a lady faints away whether you bathe her temples with camphor or molasses. It is getting to be an interesting question how near to. no time at all a horse is going to be able to trot a mile in. A Detroit husband is in trouble for whipping his wife because the baby did not take a first-class prize at a baby show. They say that the Mississippi mosquitoes take out a man’s bones and pick them clean if he objects to ordinary bites. — Boston Globe. A Salt Lake lady being asked what ticket she was going to vote at the late election replied that she intended to vote “ for God and His people.” A girl of sixteen, in Buflalo, has fallen so intensely in love with her own brother, a youth of twenty-three years, that her parents have sent her out of the country to Germany, A Scotch minister, when asked whether he. was dying, answered: “ Really, _fri end, I .care not whether I am or notj for if I die I shall be with Übd~ah<TirT“ live God will be with me.” A Romeo (Mich.) marksman thinks that he has made the most extraordinary shot onrecord. He aimed to bring down a woodchuck and chipmunk at one shot, and brought down a spring calf. It was “darling Gweorge” when a bridal couple left Omaha; it was “dear George” at Chicago; at Detroit it was “ George,” and when they reached Niagara Falls it was “ Say, you!” A woman never looks more humiliated than when, while sitting on the deck of a steamboat, she becomes simultaneously conscious of a cinder on her nose and the absence of her pocket-handkerchief. Vermont, after all, is the best State to get drowned in. They don’t attempt to rescue you until a doctor has gone down in a diving-bell and ascertained that your vital spark has fled. — Brooklyn Argus. She can stand it pretty well once or twice, but when you spill a saucer of raspberry jam; into her lap the third time things get uncomfortable, and she works her countenance as if she wasn’t born to be an angel. A recent writer says that a lady may be known by the tones of her voice. A coarse, unrefined woman never has a smooth, pleasant utterance. The voice can be cultivated so that harshness and roughness will disappear. The trouble is that most people are careless and slovenly about speaking, and fall into bad habits..

One of the rising generation in Vermont, rising four years old, went to a blacksmith to see his father’s horse shod and was watching closely the work of shoeing until the blacksmith began paring the horse’s hoofs, when, thinking this was wrong, the little boy said earnestly: “ My pa don’t want this horse made any smaller.”

The following testimony to the virtues of a patent manure was received by ita owner: “ Dear Sir—The land composing my farm had hitherto been so poor that a Scotchman could not get a living off it, and so stony that we had to slice our potatoes and plant them edgeways; but hearing of your manure I put some on a ten-acre field, surrounded by a rail fence, and in the morning 1 found that the rocks had entirely disappeared, a neat stone wdll encircled the field, and the rails were split into firewood and piled up systematically in my back yard,” / ' The Ezcebrior Magazine, a very choice and entertaining monthly, is published at $3.50 a year. Every effort is being made, ,by securing the services of the most brilliant contributors to periodical literature and the best art critics and essayists, to furnish a highly desirable family paper. A handsomely illustrated fashion and etiquette supplement accompanies it. Subscribers are very easily obtained, and rare inducements in money or prizes arc offered to getters up of clubs. Sample copies twenty-five cents. < mice-Room 59,N0. 157 La Salle street, Chicago, 111. A £ou»rei> man named Charles Crook died a horrible death at Riverhead on Tuesday night last. He was a man oi prodigious size, and in consequence of a great accumulation of fat he had for some t iWb been hardly able to get about. For the two weeks preceding his death he was in a constant, terrible struggle for breath, the air-passage being nearly closed by the increasing fat. and he was at last literally suffocated from this cause. For days and night he was compelled to remain constantly on his hands and knees, and this was the only position in which he could breathe at all, and at the end even this resort failed him. His weight was 31)0 pounds.— New York World. No doubt our young readers would like to sec the performance of a dog in this village. In the family in which the dog lived the old cat had four kittens. The dog became greatly attached to the kittens, and put in most of his time playing with them, and sometimes was a little rough, but not intentionally so. The cat and kittens were sent to a neighbor’s so as to get them away from the dog. In a short time doggy was missing; very soon he returned with a kitten in his mouth. Then he went back for the others and brought them all home. He was very careful not to hurt the kittens, and would roll them over and aver so as to get a good hold on them.—AsAloAuZa (Ohio) Sentinel. * Yesterday forenoon a man named Carter and his wife appeared^at the Folice Court, he having been given by her to understand that she had applied for a warrant for him for refusing to support his family. The Judge began to question him, when the woman interrupted him to say that her husband was a lazy, good-for-nothing loafer. “I’m lazy, am I?” he roared in reply- " Didn’t I earn three shillings last Saturday? Didn\l bring home half a peck of potatoes Monday? Didn’t I get half a pound of butter yesterday? Lazy! Great heavens!: Judge, can you go for to believe I’m lazy? Answer me that.” His Honor said he would take the case into co»sld» ennlon.— Detroit Free Preu,