Rensselaer Union, Volume 6, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 September 1874 — A Woman’s Wills and Won’ts. [ARTICLE]

A Woman’s Wills and Won’ts.

The two leading features in a woman's karacter are her “ wills" and her “ wonts." When she makes up her mind she will do a thing, yu mite az well undertake to dam Niagara Falls with sawdust az to stop her, and when she wont she iz az balky az a six inule team that wont budge a bit. When a woman makes up her mind that she will hav a 50 dollar bonnet, i would just like to see the husband who could head her off. I wouldn’t give him a cent a yard for his peace ov mind until she gits the bonnet. I admire this trait in the wimmin folks; it shows they mean bizness and kan’t be phoojed with. If it wan’t for this live coal in their natures they would be burnt to ashes in this overbearing world Jn._l£aa_than_Bbt weeks. Tlie “wills” and the “wonts” are just what men admire in their wives after all, and it iz just what makes the world pay them so mutch deference. I hav sed—but i don’t kno whether it iz a falshood or not—that wimmin are controlled bi their wills, and men bi their opinyuns. In conclusion, I say' to all women—dear girls, hang on tite to yure “ wills” and yure “wonts.” Yure own good sense will teach you to cover them with velvet and wreath them in flowers; but dont yu ever swop them oph for ennything else, however flattering a trade yu arc oflered.— Josh Billings, in N. Y. Weekly.

—One of the students at Davidson College, who was too lazy to do anything right, was in the habit of cleaning out his lamp chimney by running his finger down it as far as he could and twisting it around. After he had cleaned it out in this partial manner one day not long ago, a fellow-student took it up and carried it to the residence of one of the professors, with the inquiry: “Why is it UhU-Uhs chimney is .smoked just up to this point and no farther?” 'the learned gentleman entered into an elaborate scientific explanation of why it was, arguing with great lucidness and citing varisus authorities to show the correctness of his reasoning. When he had finished the student said to him: “No, sir, you are wrong.” “ Why is it, then?’’ inquired the professor. “ Because the fellow's finger wasn’t long enough to reach any farther,” replied the student.

—An exchange asks: "How long should a man sleep?” That depends ?f he has a-smart wife lie. should sleep until the fire is started' and the next door neighbor’s boy has gone to the meat market.— Courier-Journal.

Rockville, Conn., Jclaims tq have a man so crooked that, if a broad-ax should fall upon him perpendicularly, it .would cut him asunder seven times.

Tas'truth is said to be always beautiful; but some people are afraid of.it.