Rensselaer Union, Volume 6, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 September 1873 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

Always going to the Dogs—Bones. A Western Settler—The sun at evening. What relation is the door to a mat ? A stepfather. Croquet has been defined as “billiards gone to grass.’.’ Advice to Young Writers—Say what you have to say, and then stop. Saratoga hotels have registered 32,209 visitors during the last three months. It is sad to see many walk in the dark themselves who carry a lantern for othThe King of the Ashantees is allowed to have 3,333 wives, but not to exceed that number. The educational authorities of Zanesville, 0., refuse to admit colored children to the high school. Ouß.young ladies are never behind the fashions; but the fashions are very-' much behind the young ladies. The cable which was laid between Kingston and Aspinw-all, and been twice lost, has been again recovered, A man in Griffin, Ga., was bitten by a snake seventeen years ago, and is still drinking whisky to cure it. What is the difference between a hangman and a gambler? One ropes people in, and the other ropes people out. 'FHE-New York JWfttzcleared SBO,OOO during tlie first six months of this year, and it’s a poor year for pen and-ink profits, too.' . It was Voltaire who said: “Ideas are like beard; men only get them when they are grown up, and women never have any.”

A citizen of Champaign is now living in a house with his filth wife, seventeen children, and three mothers-in-law’, and yet he is not happy. Mr. Wallace, of Minnesota, dressed up as an Indian and skulked around a neighbor’s house. tA doctor shortly after developed a lead-mine on his person. Among the contestants for the first premium at the baby show of the New Hampshire State Fair will be a pair of colored twins, both toys. They are brothers. A fond lover who serenaded his lady the other night in a Southern city, was very wet got through—and it didn’t rain much, either. Maurice 11. Richardson, a Harvard graduate, recently swam from Falmouth to Martha’s Vineyard, a distance of seven miles and a half, in two hours and fifty-five minutes. Jack Sheppard, at the City Gardens, San Francisco, successf illy accomplished walkingone thousand miles in one thousand Consecutive hours, but he suffered extremely during the latter portion of the walk. One of the English comic papers says the presen t rate of jtaxation There” bears equallj- on all classes; it hardly presses on the rich, and presses hardly on the poor. The Mayor of Keokuk recently discharged such of the jail boys as could say t the Lord’s Prayer. Then a lawyer offered to bet him five dollars that he couldn’t say it himself. He declined on the ground that he didn’t gamble. A sharp Toledo girl said of a gentleman to whom she bad just been introduced, that he would be presentable if the Lord hadn t turned up so much of his legs to make feet of. Here is the inscription on a tombstorte in Pennsylvania: “In memory of Tabitha, beloved wife of Joseph Wright,. Thomas Andrews, Eben Halsted, Edward Murray and Charles Dean, by her devoted husband, Cyrus Morgan.’’ Tjje girl of this age is untft to be wed who don’t understand how hr make Trice, sweet bread. And the man is a dunce who a partner will take who don’t uuderstand cooking coffee and steak..... . _ The famous Libby Prison is now used as the factory of the Southern Fertilizing Company; and Castle Thunder, used during the was aS a prison for Southern deserters, has been converted into a tobacco warehouse aud manufactory. The Attorney-General of Michigan has filed an information in the Washtenaw Circuit Court for a mandamus upon the Regents of the University to show cause why they failed to appoint two professors of homoeopathy, as required by the late Legislature; ; 1

It is told of one of the “ supes” who removes chairs from the stage of a Troy theater with great effect, that on the death of Edwin Forest being announced to him, while standing on a hotel stoop, he exclaimed, with dramatic gesture: “Great God ’ another one of us gone!” A French provincial paper has been sentenced to pay 50 francs each to 17 persons whose names it published on a list of pilgrims. Tbe publication was. true and harmless, but French law forbids journals to meddle with the private affairs of individuals. ——-r —- Chang, one of the Siamese twins, was recently summoned as a juror in a case in North Carolina. Eng of course had to accompany him, and now exception is taken to the verdict on the ground that a man not a member of the jury was present in the jury-room where it w’as agreed upon. - . A mastodon skeleton has been discovered on a farm near New Paris, Ohio. About a quarter of a ton of bones were exhumed, which, according to acknowledged proportions of the animal, indicate this one to have been very large, probably 17 feet high and 38 feet long. One tusk unearthed is 12 feet long, and its weight 150 pounds. They hope to get the entire skeleton.