Rensselaer Union, Volume 5, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 January 1873 — THE WOULD OF NUMBERS. [ARTICLE]

THE WOULD OF NUMBERS.

> If a bad bov could have been a possibility in such’a model village as Haylington,‘Tommy Spratt would have been that boy; but, as it was, overawed by the vicar, the vicar’s wife, the vicar’s_ thrce strong-minded daughters, the schoolmas-. ter, the'schoolmistress, and the six pupil teachers, the natural wickedness of his disposition only displayed itself in an intense hatred of study, especially of that division of the “three R’s” known as arithmetic. “I hate Aggers, I do; I wish they was blowed,” ’soliloquized that hardened youth of ten, as one arithmetic afternoon he set uff for school. As support for the outer man during the fatiguing journey, he carried in-his right hand a sodden piece of gingerbread, while with the other he restrained by a string a half penny air ball, colored orange, destined to beguile the tedious hours. Tommy Spratt left his home with no other intention than that of going straight to school; but Tommy Spratt was mortal, andas onehot,dusty landed to thescbool* rodm-, where a grimy slate and scrapy pencil awaited him, while the other meandered through green Aelds, he did not even hesitate, but turned at once into the shadv paths-of temptation. He rtrn ’tlUnself on the grass, and prepared to take an invigorating taste of the delicious though crumbly refreshments he had provided, having nrstcarefully secured his air ball to the leathern belt, which, fastened by a brazen buckle in the shape of an uncoiled dragon, gathered his Holland blouse into graceful folds. Now, whether Master Tommy’s dereliction from the paths of virtue rendered him no longer amenable to the laws of gravity, or the qirball was endowed with supernatural powers, it is impossL. bletosay; all that this veracious chronicle can tell is, that instead of Tommy Keeping the miniature balloon down onearth, it, like Mr. Dryden’s Timotheus, “Raised a mortal to the Okies.” “Hullo!” he cried in alarm. “I don’t like this. Let me go.” “But by degrees he grew accustomed to the sensation, and rather- enjoyed it than otherwise; it was so pleasant, it soothed him to slumber, a slumber from which he was aroused by a violent concussion of his head against a corner curbstone. - How long he lay in a state of semi-in-sensibility he never knew; but at last he struggled and sat upright, finding himself, the air ball still attached to his belt, in a crowd of odd-looking creatures. They All of them varied in size, but they were as a rule below the stature of human beings, the most remarkable thing about them being that every one, like the sandwich men of London, carried a board on which was inscribed every description of number. When they saw Tom open his eyes, there was one universal question: **Wh o divides him!” “Oh! please don’t,” said Tommy, in mortal dread. “I ain’t at all good to eat, but this here is,” tendering them.the remains of theg’ingerbread, which had been reduced to a shapeless mass during the I>«rils1 >«rils <> f his journey. No one seemed to take any notice of Master Spratt’s suggestion, but one stout old man nearing the number 441 ■ asked with dignity: , “Are you even or uneven!” Tom scratched his head, unable toreply, and a second broke in with: “What’s vour number!” “16," replied Tom, readily, that being the number in Balaclava cottages, Victoria row, where Mrs. Spratt had lately taken up her humble abode. “That you ain’t,” cried an indignant voice; and a short, fussy gentleman burst from the crowd, and pointed to the legend 16 inscribed upon his board. “Here, 2,4, 8!” In obedience to his call, three numbers bowed humbly before him. , "Chastise that fellow!” “That’smean,"blubberedTom. “Three upon one! Yer ought to be ashamed of yerselves, yer ought. Give me a hand p. one of yer.” The cry again arose: “Who divides you!” and the first stout man added, with some contempt: “1 must. Brun and fetch 1.” “Fetch him youfself," retorted 2. “I don’t divide you.” 441 cast an anxious glance around, then, catching light of 3, he began promptly: “3, depart and seek for 1,” when the. hurried entrance of a new comer rendered the dispatch of the messenger unnecessary. He was a jaded, harrassed boy, whose countenance might have been pretty, but for a certain strained look of attention. His whole body appeared worn out with fatigue, as he feebly gasped: —— “Where’s 5! I’ve been all over the town looking for you, 5," he added, reproachfully, as the other drew near. “The army want you to black their boots.” 5 immediately started off at a rapid pace. While 16 said: « , ■ “Come, look alive! help that youngster out of the, gutter." I meekly obeyed: but when he caught a better view of Tom’s figure, he answered, indignantly: “He hasn’t got a number. I don’t sec whyJ should wait on him any more than the others.” "But, my dear I," murmured 3, tone of cutting contempt, “you knbw you divide everything.” And so saying, the crowd thrived on, IQ having first ordered 2, 4 -and 8 to cut .away the air balljrom Tommy’s.walat. At any other time Master Spratt would have bewailed the loss, but that moment it passed unnoticed, as he whs intent up-

on his new companion, who inquired of 8 what he was to do.with this unnumbered boy, the adjective being uttered with as much contempt as an inhabitant of this world would throw into the terth unlettered, “Take him to the king to be registered,” retorted 8, and Aew off to answer a hasty summons from 24. “Whatplace tethis!” asked Tommy, meekly. “ Multiplication lane, and that’s Rule-of-Three market,” returned his companion. “ But come, now, what is your number?” Tommy felt ashamed to confess he didn’t know; he thought he’d like to be No. 1. “Don’fr’you!” Replied the other, misanthropimlly. “ I'm 1.” “Can’t there be another 1!” “I wish there, could.” retorted his friemL Tommy ventured to ask “ Why !” “ Because it'd divide the work, but nothing can’t divide 1." “But what is all this about division?” inquired Tom, whose escape from the afternoon lesson had led hjm into a far wider field of figures. “Why, don’t you know that every figure may order about those that divide it? They’re his slaves. 2, 4 and 8 have to wait on 16, and 16 has to wait on 32, and they all have to wait on 64. Some of them may have many servants, some have but few, butthey all have me. There was a world of pathos in his tone. “ Of course,” said Tom, “ 1 divides everything.” “ Yes, everything, even 2 and 3; and they’re the hardest masters of all; they’ve a deal of waiting to do; but they shift most of it on to me. But here we are at arithmetical progression.” “ What’s that!" asked Master Spratt. “The king’s palace, of course. Stop a moment, though.” And 1 drew respectfully back, as an elderly gentleman with a large board, on which was inscribed 482964, stopped up the doorway. “ Where are you going, 1, the indivisible?” I grew red at the taunt; his weak point wa»his indivisibility. “Lam going, O many-figured 482964, to the king, and bear with me this unnumbered boy.” 482964 drew back his skirts to let them pass, and the boys hurried on through a long ling of soldiers who, Tommy observed, were all uneven multiples of 5. On his requesting an explanation of this, 1 said: “They’re the army; all the S’s diers, and all the 7’s are sailors, «nd where the two meet, as in 35 or 105, they serve as marines on alternate days.” “Oh!” said Tommy and the matter dropped. /They passed on through the outer courts into the inner chamber, where a large and merry party were assembled. In one corner a group of princeses, the very lowest of whom was at least a million, were playing at “buzz,” with such rapidity and precision that Tommy’s head swam with the effort of following them. In another portion of the room a little princess (whose number terminated in five naughts, such being the royal prerogative) was doing her sums by means of her father’s subjects, who stood on One another’s heads, and whirled in and out n a manner incomprehensible to ordinary mortals,! accustomed to the comparatively tame use of slate and pencil. The king reclined upon a couch, dictating a new novel, entitled “Conic Sections,” to four secretaries at once. “Whence comes this numberless creature? And 1, too! 1, how darest thou intrude within the groves of arithmetical progression?” “O thou of many numbers!” answered 1, prostrating himself, “I have brought hither this boy who has descended on this earth by a strange conveyance, hitherto unknown, in order that thou, O most divisible, shouldst bestow on him a number and a place in the royal register.” The king frowned, the secretaries followed suit, and the unhappy 1 sank beneath the glowering storm of their eyes. “What number shall we give him!” said the king, pensively. “Fetch hither the register.’’ * A small detachment of subjects carried in with great difficulty 8,000 volumes, and the four secretaries set to work with a will? After looking for some hours, One of the secretaries, with a low bow, announced all were occupied —that the last number used was 89,999,990, and that therefore the new-comer must be 06,000,000. The king for one moment foamed at the mouth; then, recovering his speech, Aew at the secretary, (71032), and, tearing off his number, cried: "The traitor has dared to propose that this stranger, this indivisible boy, shall henceforth become of the royal family—* one of the nearest to our own person!" Every one hooted 71,032, who hid behind his fellow secretaries to escape the popular storm. “No,” continued the prince, “some other plan must be thought of. Whoever brings, before to-morrow at noon, an unoccupied number, not over 89,999,999, for this boy, shall have a nought added to his name.” The people shouted and withdrew ; but Tommy, who had never before looked on royalty, lingered behind to stare openmouthed at the gorgeous rooms and grand company. The king continued his dictation, never observing the absence of 71,032; so every fourth chapter of the novel was missing.; but this, of course, only made it the more interesting Tommy Is curiosity soon got the better of his manners, and he interrupted them with : “What did you have for dinner ! what’s your name ! and how old are you ?” “Boy,” said the prince, “you are as yet unnumbered.” “Well, come now, that ain't my fault, you know," argued Tommy. The king had never seen it in this light before, and his face grew milder and more gentle as Tommy dared to add : “What’s your name or number !” “I,” said the king, with pride, “I am the Innumerable Nought.” "Whatever is that!" thought Tommy; but he didn’t ask ; only went on to himself,, “Nought into nought, nought remains ; multiply by nought, and then divide by nought, and the answer is nought.” But he soon became contused and gave it up. “ You donot seem to understand." And so saying, the king unwound from , his waist a while satin scarf of prodigious length, on which was embroidered ;in gold thread an endless succession of noughts—thus, 00000000, etc.' Tohr looked at him with awe. “ What divides ybu!” he asked, repeat-

ing the current phrase, and acting dp to the spirit of that proverb, which advises you what course to pursue when you find yourself in the city of the seven hills. “Everything!" was the proud reply; on which Tommy resumed his former calculations, and relapsed into a temporary state Of hopeless imbecility. No. 1 and Tommy both passed a restless and feverish night; but ere they left for Arithmetical Progression in the morning, the mind of No. 1 was made Up. He would gain the promised nought; and being thus promoted to 10 (while the original of that number was degraded to his humble position), he would, have no less than three servants. ‘ “And which of you.” asked the Innumerable Nought, “has thought of a number to bestow on this waif of the skies!” His majesty piqued himself on the poefical turm-of his sentence. “Please sir, I have.” And 1 stepped forward with a little bow and flourish. “ Well,” said O, eyeing him scornfully, “proceed.” “0,0 the infinite, what if hq should be a fraction!" “A what!” asked a chorus of voices. “What in the world of numbers do you meant” “May I never be divided,” said the king, “if I can understand you!” No. 1 began to explain what a fraction was, and suggested that Tommy should 'be “And I should not have dared to propose this if it had not been that the wretched boy had hitherto been numberless, and therefore half a loaf-, would be. better than nobread." The king, ever ready to encourage talent by his example, and to reward it lavishly with smiles, held out his hand to No. 1, who knelt and humbly kissed it. j - “Your ingenuity is—as virtue ever is—its own reward. Youjare noTongerThe lowest in the kingdom; for Tommy Spratt —” (that young gentleman had been careful, in the absence of any number to which he could lay claim, to inform them of his name), “for Tommy Spratt takes his place as the slave of slaves and divisor of 1. Tommy was about to weep—he had actually gone ao far as to lift his cuff for the purpose of drying his eyes, when a thought struck him. “And where’s J 4 then? He’d divide me, and and 116, and 1-32, and 1-64?” he went on, taking a spiteful delight in seeing the grand blank of incomprehension which overspread the features of his listeners. “And I dare say, if the truth was known, you’re some of you fractions yourselves,” “Youth," said the king, in a tone of the utmost severity, “be silent!” “Andi have heard,” continued Tommy, whose hitherto despised ana hated arithmetic began to stand him in good stead, “and I have heard tell of decimals, and if you are innumerable, I believe you’re neither more nor less than m circulating decimal yourself!” For one moment only the king was stunned by Tommy’s unexplained audacity; then his great mind rose to the occasion. “He is convicted by his own mouth of treason,” for though 0 was ignorant of the meaning of the word,-he guessed no compliment was intended by the term. '“Take him and L to the battlements, and cast them into the moat.” Once more Tommy found himself the center of a crowd of numbers, who, seizing on him and the hapless 1, bound them together hand and foot, and bore them in triumph to the battlements. They only met with one slight interruption, when a wrathful number, with a cruel laugh, fastened to them the air- ball, the faithful companion of Tom’s perilous voyage to that inhospitable world. Thus they proceeded in a procession to the ramparts, where a large crowd was assembled to witness their execution. With many a taunt and jeer they tossed them over, but, to the astonishment of the multitude, after sinking slowly for some seconds, the air-ball began to take effect; and, impelled by a favoring breeze, they arose out of reach of their tonnenters. Ere he could utter a word of thankfulness or joy at this unexpected deliverance, Tommy Spratt found himself lying in the grass under the shady tree, the gingerbread crumbled to nothing in his hand, and the air-ball floating serenely above him. From that day Tommy Spratt became a changed boy, remarkable especially for two good qualities—his persevering attention to arithmetic, and his unremitting and tender care of No. 1. — Hoodfa London Annual.