Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 August 1871 — CURRENT ITENS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITENS.

Quick Consumption.— Bolting one’s food. Tiib Bust Household Receipt. —The receipts on your tradesmen’s bills. Dividends are paid in cash In the Washington Life Insurance Company, of Now Yoik. Tnn young lady whose feelinga were “all worked up” has ordered a fresh supply. Premiums, policies and dividends an paid in cash in the Mutual Life Insurance Company, of Chicago. At Claremont, N. H., recently the lightning scattered a box of matches over the floor, without setting any oi them on firo. A Georgia newspaper, much annoyed by political contributions, proposes to charge hereafter nine dollars per line for all original poetry published in its columns. Spurgeon, havirg been offered SIO,OOO in gold to write a life of Christ, sent word that as good a life of Christ as could be written was to be found in the New Testament. A certain caravan orator at a fair, after a long yam descriptive of what is to be seen inside, generally winds up by saying, “ Step in, gontlemau, step in. Take my word for it, you will be highly delighted when you get out.” The citizen of Montreal who refused to tell the census enumerator how old his unmarried daughters are, has been fined six dollars and costs, with the alternative of going to jail for thirty days. The girls advise the father to go to jail like a noble parent. Ex Senator Latham, of California, has made a little present to his wife Mary, “in consideration of natural love and affection,” as the. deed of conveyance recites it( It consists of a house ana grounds in the choicest part of San Francisco, and is valued at s3oo,oooin gold. The old traditions about the Car of Juggernaut are apparently about to be extinguished. An eye-witness of the ceremonial says that the old stories are grossly exaggerated, that no victims are crushed, and that there is, no more orgy than may be witnessed at an English country fair. An enterprising chap in Van Bores’ County, lowa, has discovered something for young people to do while courting, beside holding one another’s hands. During his little term of courtship he helped the young lady to eew together enough rags to make sixty yards of carpet. Why are women like churchest Firstly, because there is no liviDg without one; secondly, because there is many a spire to them; thirdly, because they ere objects of adoration; and, lastly, though by no means leastly, because they have a loud clapper in their upper story. The Berlin Correspondent, in an account of the German navy, says : “ Every ship In tho German service, even the smallest gunboat, is provided with detailed drawings and sections of every foreign war ship- Ha weak points are specially stated and details given as to the spots to be aimed at with most likelihood of disabling thp machinery.” Mr. Matthew Gbinnbll, living near New Haven, Nelson County, Ky., on the approach of his 82d birthday, conceived the idea of having a grand barbecue in honor of the event, ana bringing together his descendants in social intercourse. So, a few days ago, 130 children and grandchildren, with 1,300 invited guests, assembled at i lie i smily mansion to celebrate the day, and all went as happy as a dinner belL The individual alluded to in the following advertisement, in the Hartford Courant, must know that it means him: “For Sale Cheap—A rent bill against a short, thick set, bald headed, sandy-whis-kered, red-faced foreigner, by the name of A. B. John Stokes, now living (nnlew he moved in the night last night), at 49 Jefferson street. Inquire of C. W. Church, room 27 Hartford Trust Company’s Block.” Nuver do anything that can denote an angry mind; for, although everybody born with a certain degree of passion, ana from untoward circumstances will sometimes feel Its operation, and be what they call “out of humor,” yet a sensible man or woman will not allow it to be discovered. Check and restrain it; never make any determination until you find It has entirely subsided ; and always avoid saying anything that you may wish unsaid. Speaking ot thunder, James Russell Lowell has a good story on that head. He tells of a high and mighty Englishmen, and down the piazza of a hotel in a Western village, with that “great eon- * desceneion ” in his manner which foreign snobs think is the thing when traveling In the United States. “That was a heavy clap of thunder you had here last night, says the Briton to a prairie chap that crossed his path. “ Well, yea," said the native, who took in the other’s style at a glance, “ wo did think it pretty well, considering the number of inhabitants. A of Cogny, Switzerland, while going to his vineyard recently, met a pretty girl of eighteen and kissed her, upon which her father, who witnessed the liberty, beat him till ha had but little life left, and then sued him for damages. In the trial it appeared that the genial burgher had an irresistible propensity to kiss all the pretty women ha met with in tho district. The girl than testified that she didn’t mind being kissed if she could be handsomely paid for it, and the Court thought that S2OO, in addition to the drubbing, would be a ftdr price for the defendant to pay for hi* sweetness. A KAN and hla with who had not seen each other for forty yean met tho othW day in Ja»per County, low*.: In 1831;this couple, then having eight children, and living in an Atlantic Stats; mide arrangements to come West The wife started an with her children, and the husband remained behind To settle up aims bostnaes, intending to join his family but for some reason he never them. The woman reached her destination almost penniless, but with heart she went to worh.ai» ™k»ene*P of her oldest boys, provided for nar mwiy. Bo she reared her children, yiying mam alls good education- Beveral y«« MO band of her youth. The oorrewoaiaatof the Newton Free Pres*, who tellS tWs **► lory, doesn’t say whether the «MotPs ' a happy one or pot.