Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 August 1871 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

The Fikst Hymn on Record.—Adam. Some husbands, though anything but sharp, are awfully shrewed. i One ought to have dates at one’s finger ends, seeing they grow on the palm. A $2,500 monument has been erected over the grave of the late E. M. Stanton. Premiums, policies and dividends are paid in cash m the Washington Life Insurance Company, of New York. There is but one good wife in the world, and every happily wedded man thinks he has her. “ Rememser, life is but a shadow; Its date the intermediate breath we draw. ” Insure in the Mutual Life, of Chicage. The chap who took the thread of life to sew the rent of a house, has gone and invented a patent point for cross-eyed needles. An Atlanta, Gn, boy ate thirteen apple dumplings for dessert the other day. The boy and the dumplins were buried in one grave. Statistics.— Oi the 1,001 young ladies who fainted last year, 987 fell into the arms of gentlemen two fell upon the floor, and one into a water-butt. A pin, carelessly dropped in the loom by a female operative, a few days ago, spoiled seven hundred yards of cloth in one of the mills of Lawrence. At a coal mine in Cooper County, Missouri, one solid block of cohl was taken out, which, when broken into small pieces, measured 600 bushels. Calais, Me., is a nice place for young men to go to. The local paper says that two-thirds of the*wealth of the town is to be inherited by young girls. Puffing and blowing are often considered as synonymous terms. You will discover a difference, however, if, instead of puffing a man up, you should blow him up. “An attorney,” said Sterne, "is the same thing to a barrister that an apothecary is to a physician, with the difference that your attorney does not deal in scruples." A farmer in Laconia, N. H., speaking of the thinness of the hay crop, said, “The grasshoppers have all got lame trying to “jump from one blade of grass to another.” In England the deaths annually from consumption are 39,000, and it is computed that 78,000 patients are constantly suffering from its wasting effects. Watkrliury, Conn., has a “ Bachelor’s League,” whose articles of association pnnish by a heavy fine any member who is seen twice consecutively in company wite the same woman, and with expulsion from the order for a third offence. Leaning over the grand-stand railing one morning was John G. Baxe. “You look like the monarch of all you survey,” said Fernando Wood, patting him on the back. “No, I only have a lean on the property," replied the genial Saxe. A nohle woman in Maine recently lost her life by her heroic efforts in saving the lives of some of her neighbors who»c house was burning. Her clothes took fire and she was so badly injured that she died in eight hours.

A Matsvii.lk, Ky., “ chap ” went into a drug store in that place and picked up a bottle of hair oil, thinking it was perfume. He saturated his handkerchief and lapels of his coat with it, and now wants to know which is the best kind of soap for removing grease spots. The following telegraphic correspondence is a model of brevity and point: "Oil Regions, June 15,1871. To Miss Laura: Will you go to the strawberry festival with me to-night f Please answer quick. Yours, Herb."—" June 15,1871. To Herb: Yes. Harness up your mules. I am fixing my .curls. Laura.” There is a driver on tho Fifth Avenue Railroad, in New York, who carries a whip which he has carried for eight years, and it has the same piece of whip cord at the end as it had he bought it He has a pet name for each of the horses he (drives during the day, and he states that a re-echoing of these names once or twice in the course of a journey has a greater effect than all the whips upon the horses.