Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 June 1871 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

Good Little Buoys—Cork*. Foktdme tkllmms— Bank clerk*. Im the height of prosperity prepare for adversity bylnsuriig in the Mutual Life of Chicago. Foresight is the right eye of Providence, and Providence dictates Life Insurance. Insure in the Washington. A. chambermaid advertises in the New York Times for a situation ** in a firstclassfiunilv,”and adds“ None hut flrslclaas families need apply." A man has succeeded in cheating a Niagara Falls cabman, and" there is talk of erecting a monument in admiration of Lis genius and courage. It is a singular circumstance that the word “unabridged ” is not in the latest illustrated edition of “Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary." Wanted— A cover for bare suspicion, a veil for the face of nature, buttons foi breaches of privilege, binding for volumes of smoke, cement for broken engagements. A singular case has comfc up in a London court A solicitor, one Mr. Leopold Lewis, was ejected from a theatre for requesting a mumbling actor to “speak up,” and now brings a suit against the management for damages. The Connecticut papers are telling of a Bunday School boy who, la-ing lieifig asked aho made the’beautiful hills about there, replied that he did not know, as his parents only moved into town the Friday before. The girls of a town in Oswego County, N. ¥., have formally declared that they will not accept the company of any young man who uses tobacco in any form, unless the night is very dark and the road muddy, I for the space of sixty days from date. James T. Fields says, in the Atlantic Monthly, that on the first night of Charles ■ Dickens' arrive! in Boston, in 1842, he took a run about town and pulled bell handles “with such vigor that one actually came off in his Land." In reference to the iti in that a writing desk of Beujsi..in Franklin was lull ly sold in Newport fiir ten rents, the Mercury says: “ This hoax has had its luh. The desk referred to has been in the Mercury office many yea: s, and was formerly used in Judge Joslin's school, and Beniamin Franklin never used it or saw it. We had no furtheft use for it, and it was sold at auction for all it was worth. It is now used for a ]>eanut stand.’ It is alleged that RullolF confessed to his counsel that he drowned his two associates in the crime, for which he was hanged, and that he also proposed to his counsel the murder of Burroughs, the surviving clerk, who was to be the chief witness against him, and even mentioned the name of a desperado in New York city who, he said, “ would do the job for a reasonable price.” A Boston surgeon has lately removed from a Lawrence man s neck a ragged piece of the blade of a dirk, which he lias carried thire cversince Thanksgiving eve, ,18G0. It was left there in a fight in which he became engaged in a saloon as that time, and as it projected inside the jaw bone, has been quite an annoyance to him. Four separate attempts to remove it heretofore have failed, and it has now bet tr taken out through the orifice, of the ear “Who dare a ..it tobacco juice on the floor of this car?*” savagely exclaimed a large and powerfully built passenger, as he rose from his seat and stalked down the aisle, frowning defiantly upon the other passengers. “ I dare ; ” said a burly looking fellow, as he deliberately squirted a quantity cf the noxious saliwt upon the floor of the aisle. “ All right, my friend,” said the fijst speaker, slapping the other in a friendly manner upon the shoulder, “ give us a chew of tobacco. " Damage to Cattle in Transit.—The London Food Journal says; “ A great part of the meat condemned by the inspectors of markets is condemned for no other reason than that the animal has got into a state of disease in the railway truck ; and living cattle condemned in the market are mostly, it may with confidence be affirmed, liable to condemnation from the same cause alone, whilst diseases thus originated not unfrequently spread where catlle sufleriug from them are pastured, and thus loss is incurred by farmers and by the country. ” The great telegraphic feat of direct communication between England and India, without any retransmission, has just been accomplished. For the first time, such communication was established by the transmission of a message from Kurrachee to London, which was really the first message from India to England instantaneously'. Subsequentlym comunication was opened to Bombay. London and Bombay interchanged signals perfectly, and a commercial message was sent ffom London to Bombay direct and answered instantaneously. The distance by the IndoEuropean line* is 6,000 miles, and this is the greatest telegraphic feat on record. Getting Even.—A farmer cut down a true which stood so near the boundary line of his farm that it was doubted whether it belonged to him or his neighbor. The neighbor, however, claimed the tree and prosecuted so. damages the man who cut it. The case was sent from court to court. Time was wasted, temper soured, and friendship lost; but the case was finally gained by the prosecution. The last we heard of the transaction was that the man who gained the cause went to the lawyer’s office to execute a deed of his whole farm; which he had been compelled to sell to pay Escosts! Then, houseless and homeless, he thrust his hands into his pockets and triumphantly exclaimed, “ I’ve beat him I” A Virginia lady' returned home rather late, one evening recently, after a short absence, and, hearing a noise in the room which she and her husband occupied, looked through the keyhole and saw the rotund figure of a woman upon whose shoulders her lord was adjusting a shawl. Enraged by jealousy she seized a shot gun and, forcing open the door, shot the obtruder in the back. Her husband screamed and she fainted, but when coming to her senses found that she had • desperately wounded a dummy which her husband, a dry goods merchant, had broughthome for repairs. The meanest man has got back to New Hampshire once more. He is a physician and is a ffian of wealth. Some time since he was called to visfithis mother professionally, an old lady of nearly four score years and ten, and he charged her the usual fees. To obtain the money she laboriously knitted socks, and when »he had earned the amount he took it. Finally, the old lady died, and she was buried by another gon, a man of limited means bat generous disposition, and eager to discharge his duty to-her. With him she had lived for fifteen years, and vhe bills presented to him for Tuneial expenses was one from his brother, the physician, for use of horse in conveying self and wife to grave, |3.” And the horse was his own at that I How to Make Love —A faint-hearted love dunce writes to a literary paper asking how he shall go to work to win the affections of a woman. He is advised as follows: “Attend B&psoul Don’t talk about ‘going to work’ to win the affections of a woman; it can’t be done in that way. The more you go to w'ork the more she won’t like you. Push her into a duck pond and pull her out by the hair. If you are afraid to do this, jump in yourself and let her pull you out. Lend her money, or borrow some from her. Make her believe that she has deeply wronged you, and then forgive her. Deeply wrong her and don’t

ask to be forgiven. In short, contrive either to lay her under a lasting obligation 10 you, or lay yourself under a lasting obligation to her. It does not make the difference of a headlCH* pin which, so far as concerns the result” A young husband in Baltimore is in a nice picket from some cause he concluded his w ife did not love him as she should, and he determined to test that element. Therefore, he wrote a note telling her he was going to drown' himself in the “raging cans*]”—and that before she read the contents of that note his spirit Would be hovering over her, observing how she took his death. The would-be suicide intrusted the note to a small boy, but the boy mistook the direction and carried the note to a next door neighbor of his wife. Not liking to communicate the dreadful intelligence to the unlucky woman, the lady handed the note to an officer, with instructions, if possible, to prevent the rash act. The officer hurried off, and sure enough found the man on the bank of the canal. Rushing up, the officer seized the unlucky husband, and marched him off to the station house, notwithstanding Jiis protestations’ that it was all a joke, and thqt he did not intend to commit suici.de, etc. After the incarceration of the husband the note was handed to the wife with the inionnation that he had been saved. After upbraiding the officer for not letting the “darned fool drown himself,” the wife made a charge of lun»<y against him, and he barely escaped being placed in the asylum. . ,