Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 March 1871 — A Rich Marriage Ceremony. [ARTICLE]

A Rich Marriage Ceremony.

A number of years ago there dwelt in this village a gcntlcin&u by the name of Charles Whiting. If ever a human being ■was over stocked with good humor and wagishness, it was that same Whiting, lie was up to all sorts of innocent tricks and his victims were numbered by the hundred, many of whom yet reside here. It catuc to pass lhat this wag was elected Justice of the Piace, and shortly after his installment in oilice, a couple came over from lowa to get united in the holy bonds of “padlock.” Whiting tells how he performed the ceremony, as follows: Having been appointed to the desirable “ posish ” of Justice of the Peace, I was accosted, on the sth day of July, by a sleek looking young man, and in silvery tones rcquested'to proceed to a neighboring hotel, as he wished to enter into the holy bonds of matrimony. Here was a “ squelcher.” I had never done anything of the kind, had no books nor forms; yet I was determined to do things up strong, and in a legal manner, so I proceeded to the hotel, bearing in my arms one copy of the Revised Statutes, one ditto Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, one copy large-sized Bible, a small copy of the creed and articles of Faith of the Congregational Church, one copy of Pope’s Essay on Sian, and a sectional part of the map where the victim lived. Having placed a table in the middle of the room, and seated myself behind it, I, in trumpet tones, called the case. With that the young man and woman, with great alacrity, stepped up before me. Having sworn them on the dictionary to answer well and truly all the questions I was about to ask, I proceeded. I told the young man that, being an entire stranger, I should have to ask him to give bail for the costs. Having heard this so very frequently in court, I thought it indispensable. He answercd x is I meant the fee forperforming the ccrcwould .deposit it then and there. As 1 did not know exactly what I did menu, I magnanimously waived that portion of tlie ceremony. I then told him it would be necessary to give bail to keep the peace. This lie said tie was willing to do when ho arrived home, and I then waived that point also. Having established to my satisfaction that they wanted to get married,, and that they were old enough to enter into that blessed state, I proceeded to tie thefcmot. I asked him if lie was williug to take that woman to be his wife, lie said he was. I told him that I did not require haste in the answer; that he might reflect a few minutes if lie wished. L told him site, looked like a line girl, and I lmd no doubt she was; but if tho sequel proved that ho had been taken in, I did not want to be held responsible. I said lie must love, honor, and obey her as long as she lived ; he must not bo “ snappy” around the house, nor spit tobacco juice on the floor, all of which lie promised faith uily to heed.

“ Now,” said I, “ Georgiana” (her name was Georgiana), “you hear wliat Humphrey says. Do you accept the invitation to become his wife; will you be lenient towards his faults, and cherish his virtues; will you never be guilty of throwing furniture nt his head for slight offenses, and will you got three meals a day without grumbling ?” She said site would. I asked them if they believed in the commandments, and they said they did. Having read tlie creed and articles of faith, as aforesaid,-1 exclaimed : “ Humphrey, take her, she is yours; I cannot without my consent.” “Georgiana, when safe in the arms of your Humphrey, you can defy the scoffs aud jeers of the world.” I then read a little from tho “ Essay on Man, " including that passage, “ Man wants but little here below, but wants that little long.” As a linale to tho scene, I delivered that little exordium: “Go in peace, sin no more.” The generous Humphrey having placed a fifty cent check iu my unwilling palm, I bade the happy pair a final adieu. —De Soto ( Win.) Hepubliean.