Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 February 1871 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

to Kbet Dht—Live oa codfish. DAiroraocN Associates—Those who «ie “dressed to kiU.” I» yon here means, live within them; if yea have not, live without them. The seed cane in Louisiana was seriously injured in December, and the sugar crop of 1871 will be short. Thk Washln&tou Life is substantial in its assets, elevated in its standing, and carefttlh? energetic in its management.—Geo. Swinging is said by the doctors to be very good exercise for a person's health; but many a poor wretch has come to his death by it. * A oovntryman went to the Terre Haute, Ind., gas works the other day for a jug full of gas to burn in a coal-oil lamp. " A New York cat was so rash as to lick the cheek of a lady of improved complexion, and in a few minutes was no more. West Virginia law requires ministers to give bond for $ 1,50 J before they arc authorized to perform the marriage ceremony. “The prisoner has a very smooth countenance.” “Yes—lie was ironed just before he was brought in.” That accounts for it. A man in Washington got back a stolen qpat worth (10 by legal process at a cost of $25 for lawyer's fees and loss of wages. A sharp young woman says there is nothing more touching in this life than to see a poor but virtuous young man struggllhg with a weak moustache. A widow holding a policy in the Mutual Lite, of Chicago, on her deceased husband's life, gets the money herself. It cannot be taken for his debts. Imports at New York dining a recent week amounted to $9 ,705,764, one of the heaviest values ever reported in a single w eek. The duties were nearly $2,000,000. A Major in the Peruvian army has constructed a monumental clock in Lima, which is said to be as wonderin', as the famous Strasbourg clock. Good wliisslers are getting 'skar««-, 75 years ago they were plenty, but the desire tew get ritch, or tew hold offls, has took the pucker out of this honest and cheerful amusement. —Josh Billings. Mr. “ Chaw ls Thawmpson ” recently ran his head against a young lady during a cotillion. “ Ah! excuse me, deah,” he cried; “did it hurt, ah? ” "No, sir,” she replied, “ it’s too soft to hurt any thing.” Is Louisville, a few days ago, John Hayden scratched his hand with a bit of glass, and died within forty-eight hours thereafter, erysipelas attacking the wound and spreading into the heart. An old lady in New Jersey, having read an account of the bursting of a grindstone in a manufacturing establishment, became terribly alarmed least the grindstone standing in her cellar should burst and blow the house up. A brutal man in Marblehead, Mass., went home drunk the othert day, and tluust his wife out of doors and broke her leg. It was set, and a few nights afterwards he Went home, drunk again,' and broke her leg again in two places. A quAiST old gentleman of an active, stirring disposition, hail a man at work in his garden who was quite the reverse. “ Jones,” said he, “did you ever see asnuil ?" “ Certainly,” said Jones. “ Then,” said the old boy, “ you must have met him, for you never could overtake him.” A mathematical friend is bothering his head over the following problem : ls--4 dogs; with 10 legs can catch 89 rabbits with 27, in 14 minutes, how many legs must the same rabbits have to get away from 8 dogs with 32 legs, in 17 minutes and a half—allowing 365 days in the year. Portland, Me., rejoices in a useful Newfoundland dog. Let a horse runaway and he immediately seizes the bit, and by his united strength and dead weight stops it almost iustanter, and thereby prevents a smash-up, if not more serious consequences.

An ingenious wife in Des Moines, lowa, cured iter husband of snoring thus: She had a gutta percha tube, with two cupshaped ends; one she put over his nose and mouth, and the other over his ear. He consumed his own nose, as a stove 'does its smoke, and woke up instanter. In a remote part of Germany, a farmer recently yimed up with his plow 13,000 Koinan coins, of an uknowu metalic composition. They are thick and heavy, and date back to M&rc Anton}', Hadrian and Commodus. The heads are finely done, and the Inscriptions unusually plaiu. The Lafayette (Ind.) Journal says: We saw a mau at the hay market, yesterday, who followed a _poor cow some" distance, and took a wisp of hay out of her mouth, which she had filched from his load. That man will never die poor.” The Kenosha (Wis.) Telegraph -tells-jof a woman in that city who placed a pockef- . book containing S3O in parlor stove for safe keeping. While absent from home, her husband built a fire in said* parlor stove, and said pocket book and contents are not. Ik Chihauhau, Mexico, a gold field has been discovered at a place Called tlormigas, twenty leagues from the capital. The discoverer gathered twenty ounces of gold in one day. People are flocking there in masses, it is said, and all are doing well. Farm laborers are abandoning their work. A would-be-school-teacher in Alabama replied to a question by one of the examiners, “Do you think the world is round or flat?’' by saying, “Well, some people think one way ami some another, and I'll teach round or flat, just as the parents please.” Boston apothecaries are moving for a law declaring in effect that no person shall be allowed to engage in the retail drug business unless he have a diploma from a regular college of pharmacy, or has passed a satisfactory examination before an examining board, after serving a regular apprenticeship of four years in a dispensary. • The Portland (Me.) Company have completed a mammoth fog-whistle for the Lighthouse Department. It is the largest whistle ever manufactured in the United States, and, probably, in the worid. It is an 18-inch whistle, weighs some 450 pdfinds, and will require a steam boiler of 50-horse power to furnish the steam to blow it. ; | The young man who will distance his competitors is he who masters his business, who preserves his integrity, who lives clearly and purely who devotes his leisure to the acquisition of knowledge, who never gets in debt, who gains friends by deserving them, and who saves his spare money. About twenty couples in New Orleans have been greatly shocked upon learning that a clerk in Judge Shelley's effice forged the name of the Judge to their marriage licenses, and appropriated to his own use the money that they paid therefor. They do not quite know whether they are legally married or not Four couples were married in Bath, England, a short time since, who were all deaf and dumb, and, not being able to go through the service in the customary manner, followed the minister in his reading by running their fingers along the print ,- and, when the all-important question was reached, “Wilt thou have/’ etc., they nodded their asie it. Worcester, Mass., has a milk vender who occupies a room fitted up with a large tank or can, bolding about 180 gallons, into which pure milk is put. Every lime the receptacle is supplied, however,

40 gallons of a mixture of burned mote, see, chalk, salt and water are added, and the whole mixed together and aold as genuine country milk. The oilier day, this man, named Whipple, waa flrifed SSO for this cheat. TnK late Lieutenant-Governor Htnry W. Cushman, of Massachusetts, left a beSuest of SIO,OOO, to bo given after the oath of his w idow, to the first town in the State, of not less than 1,000 inhabitants, which shall take his family namo. If uo town in Massachusetts adopts the name within five years from Mrs. Cushman's death, any town of the needed, population in the United States may receive it by adopting the name of Cushman. An ambitious amateur who had put up the play of the “ Isdy of Lyons” as a complimentary testimonial to himself, appeared before the curtain at the end of tnc first act and addressed the audience as follows : “ Ladies and gentlemen, With your kind permission, I will conclude the evening’s entertainment by singing 1 1 would not die in Springtime,'as I find thq part of Plaudc a little too hefty for mo." WE heard of a boy the other day who accidentally swallowed a silver half dollar. They gave hinj warm water and tartaremetic, and antimonial wine, anil poked their fingers down his throat until the lmy thought he would throw up his toe-nails After a while, a doctor eamc alone who understood such cases. He administered a small dose of patent medicine, and in less than ten minutes thfe boy threw up the half-dollar in fivc-cent pieces. Science, is a great thing.

The following notice has been published in an exchange: “Died—After a short illness, yesterday, my wife, leaving behind her three infant children. In the hope that her poor soul is with God, I beg to inform my customers that my store will be as well furnished as formerly, having confided my business to my principal clerk, who is extremely Intelligent and as well vefsed in the business as the deceased herself. N. IL—Fresh corned bsef just received.” One of the smallest newspapers on record is a copy of he Soir, which was sent out of Pari# not long ago. It had been compressed by means of photography, into a sheet only three and a half by two and a half inches. Nevertheless, this Lilliputian journal contained the full contents of an ordinarysized number, and could be read easily with the aid of a good microscope. It was printed on one side only of the little sheet, and lie.ded with a notice that it must be read as a transparency —that is, against the pane of a window—aiul with a magnifying glass. “ A member of the bar” through one of the New York papers, recommends that the members of the legal profession throughout the United States send five dollars each to Mr. Clurries O’Conor. to be invested by him in Government bonds, and the bonds sent to the daughters of Chief-J ustice Taney, as “ a just tribute to the memory of a great lawyer, whose judi cial integrity was never quest ioned.” The ladies in question are endeavoring to supEort themselves ar.ddhcir aged mother by aril 'work, very poorly recompensed, tis copyists in Washington. A Cleveland, Ohio, dentist has got into trouble. A young lady went to him to have a tooth extracted. The dentist examined all liertceth, and attempted to argue her into the belief that she should have her front teeth extracted and au artificial set inserted. She firmly delined. Her front teeth had given her no trouble, and she wished only to part with the one which had been rebellious. So the dentist administered gas. Byand-by the lady was aroused to consciousness by pain, and discovered that the operator had already taken out three front teeth, and apparently intended to proceed farther. The dentist has been arrested for assault and battery. A letter from Conneaut, Ohio, says: “ The rites of baptism wdre administered to ten persons, Sunday, at the creek just east of the village. The weather w’as bitterly cold and the stream full of floating ice. Among the number was one old lady, upward of 70 years old, whose feebleness of body, as well as her own judgment, seemed to question the expediency of being immersed in the chilling water. As she neared the brink she shrank from the requirement, -but was at length prevailed upon to have the rite administered, which was done without any serious consequence.” Tiik Boston Traveller says: “A lady who hail been boarding at it Southern Hotel, among sick and dying Northern people, writes indignantly to her friends about the cruelty of sending hopeless invalids away from the convenience and comforts of Lome, to suffer and die among strangers, without any hope comforts ana alleviations. And yet, physicians are continually’ doing this same t iling. Having a patient for whom they can do nothing, they send him South, with the delusive hope of recovery, when there is nothing before him but a sad and solitary death, away from home and friends. In the incipient stages of disease, and when the patient is well enough to take care of himself,, and to bear without great guttering the rough and tumble of ‘a life abroad,' it may be an excellent prescription to try a Southern climate; but where disease has got a firm hold, the cases are very few in which an experiment is advisable or safe.”