Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1871 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

1 !’■ * A Popular Sbkbatiom—Cold fingers. 8 “““" " The Worst Kind cf Education—To be broughlup by a policeman. ▲ Vibmnia girl of sixteen has died of homesickness at a Richmond Imardingachool. :•«. Tn deepest excavation in the United States la a copper mine in Lake Superior. It is 1,800 feet deep. “ You look as though you were beside yourself," aa a wag said to a fellow who was standing clone to « donkey. The marks of their teeth on some beeswax, which they mistook for maple sugar, have exposed two young burglars in Maine. A Hard Cask—Dying without money, without property, no insurance ia the Mu tual Life Insurance Company, of Chicago, and yet leaving a Wife and small children to mourn your neglect If it ia wise to insureyour property, the loss of which would fall heavily upon your family, it is wiser to insure your life, the loss of which wouht be a blow still heavier. Insure in the Washington. A charitable Cincinnati gentleman keeps a pair of dogs chained nt his front door, so that poor fx-ople who stop to “ get a bite'* can be accommodated without taking the trouble to go in the house. More than fifty million copies of Webster’s spelling-book have been sold in the United States, on which the author’s royalty!* one cent for each book, amounted to 1500,000. The present rate of production is said to be about a million a year. —Eight of the twenty-two members of the Minnesota State Senate, and fifteen of the forty-eight members of the House, were born in New York. Not one of either House is a native of Minnesota The Water Commissioners in Jersey City shut off the supply of water there a few days ago, and a man who don’t read the papers worked a whole day with hot bricks, trying to “ thaw out” his hydrant. A young lady took her younger brother, a little boy of three or four years of age, to church. The preacher was an earnest man, and spoke very loud During the sermon she saw the little fellow in tears, and asked him what was the matter. He sobbed out, “ That man is hollering at me.”

The State Prisons in Maine, New Hampshire and Massachusetts more than pay expenses, and it is urged that it would be no more than just to credit tiie surplus to the prisoners, to be paid at the expiration of their sentences or to their dependent families, when they have such. A couple were married “ for ftin ” in Troy the other evening, and they didn't know until the conclusion of the ceremony that the gentleman who united them was really a Justice of the Peace. They accepted the situation pleasantly, however, invited their- friends to a reception, and are now living together precisely as if their marriage had not been an accident. The Louisville Courier-Journal says: “To every three squares of residences in Louisville there is a cur. and each dog is expected to get his pound of flesh from a letter-carrier. If he don’t get it from the leg of the 1. c. he generally makes it off sombody who passes at night. There is no reason why dogs should not flourish in Louisville, but it’s discouraging to let-ter-carriers.”

A Massachusetts boy of ten years, who had been punished by his mother, revenged himself by directing an undertaker to send a hearse and carriages for her funeral, and they drove up to the house in solemn procession, much to the horror of the worthy woman, who quickly proved to the drivers that she was very much alive. At a party in Portsmouth, N. H., a few evenings since, one of the gentlemen having to pay a forfeit in a game, the penalty awarded was that he should go to the door and count a number of stare in company with a lady, whereupon a young miss who was present created a sensation by getting up and seriously objecting, on the ground that the young man was engaged to her Bister, and she would not sit there and see gny such thing done. None of the Dukes of Marlborough have been famous since the first. A story’ illustrative of the simplicity of one of Ids successors is told to the effect that he wrote to his steward and said: “We are coming down, a large party, in a day or two, to eat strawberries and cream. We shall want plenty of the latter, so don’t let any of the cows be milked meanwhilea curious notion of vaccine economy. The will of a San Francisco physician, recently deceased, contained the following clause: “After death I wish my body to be dissected by my medical friends, the soft part burned and the ashes preserved in an urn, the skeleton wired well together, and both kept in some medical college dr university in San Francisco. But incase my wife should wish for them, it is my will that they be delivered to her, in case she shall be willing to pay the expense of their preparation.” Bishop Marvin tells a story about one of the stewards in the West Texas Conference, who paid as quarterage 100 pounds of bacon, worth ten cents a pound. At the quarterly meeting, however, he brought in a bill charging fifteen cents a pound, and offered in explanation for charging five cents more than market price, that all he gave to the church was “so much treasure laid up in heaven.” and he desired to swell that account as much as possible.

Someboey in Boston has conceived the bright idea of making money by means of a circular with the taking title of “ Manv to One and One to One of Many.” The scheme proposes that everybody receiving circulars shall send ten cents to the irigen ions originator, who will be thereby enriched; whereupon he will divide his wealth equally with one of the contribu tors, to be chosen impartially by him. The impartiality of this method is remarkable.

A new thing in church music and Sunday School amusement was exhibited at Dr.' Vinton’s church, in New York, on Christmas Sunday. In the Doctor’s remarks he recited the words: “ Ring out the bells for Christmas, Sote»o?*A ; ristm«, The happy, happy day.” And touched a wire with his foot. Hard ly had he ceased speaking when the chimes began to ring, and continued until the whole tune had b -en played, amid the deepest silence. Want of Tact. —Arguing with an opponent, who is lame, and assuring him that he has not a leg to stand on. Telling a man with only one eye (in an insinuating way) that you would like to get on his blind aide. Urging a friend who stammers hesitate to express bis opinion. -DeCtarlng to the possessor of a false set that you mean to do it in spite of his teeth. Informing an acquaintance, who never has bls glass out of his eye, that you consider he takes a very short-sighted view of things. Telling a man who squints that . you are very sorry you cannot see the matter as he sees it. “Do you know the prisoner, Mr. Jones ?’’ “ Yes, to the bone.” “ What is Ms character?’’ “Didn’t know be had any.” "Does he five near you?” “So near that he has spent only one dollar for firewood in eight years.” “ Did he ever come In collision with you in any matter ?” “Only once, and that was when he was

drunk and mistook me for a lamp post ” “ From what you know of him, would you believe him under oath?" ‘"That depends upon circumstances. If lie was so much intoxicated that he did not know what he was doiug; if not, I wouldn’t.", Captain Hall, of artic fame, continues the preparations for his artic journey, and in the courae of a late lecture announced his expectation of* starting about Mayfoi the present year. - Bis plan contemplates a visit, in the find place, to Newfoundland to make up his crew; thence, he will proceed to the west coast of Greenland to take in supplies, and then to Repulse Bay to obtain about fifty dogs for his use in the journey. After that he goes directly to Jones's Sound, and passing up alxiut 20J miles, will turn to the north, with the intention of getting as far toward the pole as possible before winter rets in. He will then go into winter-quarters; and in the spring of the coming year he hopes to proceed on sledges to the pole, with every expectation of reaching it in due season. They have had an “ Enoch Arden case” out at Oakland, California. Enoch went off and left his wife and children destitute; kind-hearted people took up a subscription for the support of the family; and soon after the lost wanderer—whose other name was Kaiser and proposed to assist in eating up the provender. The neighbors thereupon served a notice upon him, reading thus: “D. Kaiser, we give you twenty-four hours to leave town. By order of a committee of your creditors. If not, you will receive a coat of tar and feathers," or words to jthat effect. Enoch —that is, Kaiser—read the document with tearful eyes, sadly east one long, lingering, farewell look upon the replenished pork barrel, and turned heart broken away. He is now a moody misanthrope and a vindictive bull-whacker on the plains. Tiie following pleasant story is told by a pious minister about a monk of former days, lie resolved to leave his monastery on the ground that he there too frequently met with causes of provocation, and was betrayed into anger and other sins. Accordingly, he retired into the desert, in the hope that solitude would enable him to serve God with an easier mind. One day his pitcher happened to upset and, when lifted up, fell a second time, which kindled his anger to such a pitch that he dashed it to the ground and broke it into a thousand pieces. When he came to himself he said: “ I now see that I cannot be at peace even in solitude, and that the fault lies not in others, but in myself.” He then returned to the monastery, and, after many strenuous efforts, succeeded in subduing his passions, not by flight, but by self denial.

A skater in Leavenworth, Kansas, is re|»orted by a local paper to have broken through the ice, the other night, and to have swam beneath it for twenty yards, till he came to a shallow place, when he assumed the perpendicular, and burst through the thin ice with his head. This is a likely story, says the Springfield (Mass.) Republican, but we caß beat it all cut. We knew a young man in Hubtington, twenty miles from this city, who once asseverated to his friends that, on a skating voyage down the river, he fell through an air hole, and struck bottom twenty ft et below, came up safe and floated down stream a quarter of a mile, occasionally butting his head against the ice to try its thickness, and finally came out all right at another air-hole. blow we guess the Leavenworth man will knock under.