Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1871 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

Bound to be Unbound — Divorce Mutual Friends—Kerosene and coroners. ' »’ Something Always on Hand—Your thumb. v Domestic Broils—Steaks cooked at home. • J?® richest man Is tho one with the feWfet wWntg. The Washington Life is one of the oldest New York conipanies. Previous to the war, ninety religious papers were published in Paris. There were 1,250 violent deaths and 41 homicides in New’ York during tho past year. A Lady has beaL|ppointed one of the stenographers flWhe Supreme Court of Maine. The city newspapers are full of advertisements for plain cooks. We suppose pretty cooks have no occasion to advertise at all. A paper has an article headed with the conundrum: “Why do Wives Fade?" We suppose it is because they won’t wash! • Under the head of “Lost Races of America,” a gentleman is getting up a list of the celebrated horses which have been beaten. “ I say, Jim, what mechanical work did .you do first?” asked one carpenter of another. “ Why, cut teeth, of course, replied the other, instantly. Forethought and prudence both say insure your life. Take their advice, ana insure in the Mutual Life Insurance Company, of Chicago. '— L We are told “ the evenings wore on,” but we are never told what the evening wore on that occasion. Was it the cZ»«« of a summer’s day ? A very penurious lady was so affected by a charity sermon, on a recent occasion, as to borrow a dollar from her own neighbor and put it in her own pocket. Of the 355,277 beef cattle, sent into the New York market last year, the State of Illinois furnished 204,131. Texas comes the next in the list, being credited with 40,557. The recent report of the United States Surveying Corps gives the extreme length of the great lakes, as follows: Superior, 325 miles; Michigan, 390; Huron, 200; Erie, 250; Ontario, 180. We have often wondered where all the blind people come from; but it is plain now. There is a “ blind factory ”at Elizabeth, N. J., where large numbers are turned out every year. “ Mr. Jones, I understand you said I sold you a barrel of cider that had water in it.” “ No, no,” was the reply, “ I only said that you sold me a barrel of water with a little cider in it." Mr. Terry, who lives in Peru, Ind., has a chair which has been in the family one hundred years. The same gentleman has a clock which has been running fortyseven years, stopping ohly three times for oil. Timothy Handlin, the boy-burglar of Vermont, has confessed in court, at Montpelier, to twenty-nine different burglaries, besides numerous petty larcenies. His bail was gven at $5,000, and he went to jail in default.. . The tide run out so low at New London* Conn., recently, that the oysters were frozen to death in their beds. They should have had a sheet On their beds; a sheet' of water would have been better than nothing. By an Old Bachelor.When to my arms a parent gives A babe she deems the best that lives— A little fright It may I>e; Compelled to say a word of praise, I murmur as I fondly gaze, “ Well, I’ve seen many In my days. But this one in— a baby!" It is claimed for Maine, by its citizens, that in her laws in regard to the property of married women, and the admission of evidence in criminal trials, she has the most civilized code in the world. Thomas Higgs, an English peddler of pictures, in Charleston, 8. C., made a bet, on the 27th ultimo, that he could drink all the wine a companion would furnish. Higgs lost, and was buried on New Year’s day. A Slight Mistake. —“Pray, bestow your charity, young gentleman, on a poor blind man,” said a beggar to a person passing by. “If you are blind, my good fellow, how did you know that I was young?” “Oh, sir, I made a mistake," said the beggar; “ pray, give a trifle to a poor dumb man 1”

It was said, some years ago, in the House of Representatives, at Washington, that a gentleman, who was known to have a very good appetite, had eaten away his senses. “Pooh !’ r replied Henry Clay, “they would not be a mouthful to him!” The first number of the State Rejitter, published at Carson City, Nevada, contains this marriage notice: “In this city, 28th December, by Judge Waitz, Ah Hing to Miss Toy Woon, both of the Flowery Kingdom. No cards—no cake—no sabe.” The heroic firemen of South Adams, Mass., held a ladder at a fire, the other day, while the poor woman who owned the house clambered up and into the secondstory window, got out the furniture, anddescended, alive but nearly suffocated. Such gallantry is rare, we are happy to believe, amWng firemen. A Bavarian officer in France found one of his men cleaning a chicken. “ Hallo cried he, “fellow, where did you get that ehicken ? Don’t you know that stealing has been forbidden on pain of death?’’ “ A peasant woman gave it to me,” was the answer. “And what did she say?” “ Well, she didn’t say much. She only cried.” Two Emeralders working on a new building were dry, and'one hpt the other a £nt of whisky that he could not carry him the roof in his hod. No sooner said than done. Mike shouldered Pat, and after a slow and painful tugging, dumped the precious burden on the roof. “Ah, Mikey, my boy,” said Pat, rather crestfallen, you’ve won the bet; but mind yez, as yez was passin* the fourth story yez stumbled, an’l had hopes.” AT a recent fimeral at Newport, R. 1., Instead of a hearse being used to convey the remains to their last resting place, an express wagon, completely enveloped in evergreens mrtde andxmt, was used for that purpose. A raised dais in the centre of the wagon, alto covered with evergreens, sustained the coffin, which was profusely decked with flowers. The novelty was in accordance with the expressed wish of the deceased. A wealthy bachelor, having had one or two law suite for breach of promise,

now replies to any young lady who wlahe a few minutes’ private conversation: “No, you do not, maaamc. It cuts me to ths heart to be compelled to doubt the hoUOrablcnesa of your intentions, but that sort of thing is played out. My rule is imperative, and if you have any business with me, it must be transacted in the presence of two witnesses!" A young rffan, not long since, wag endeavoring to enjoy an evening in the Company of a young lady, fair and entertaining, upon whom he called, but found a serious obstacle in the person of her stern and not very cordial father, who at length ventured to very plainly intimate that the hour for retiring hnd arrived. “ I think you are correct, my dear sir.” returned the unabashed young man. "We have been waiting to have you go to bed for over an hoyr.” It is reported of a young married couple in Massachusetts, that, having quarreled, they separated, and subsequently went to work in the same mill, and boarded at the same house. Having adjoining rooms in the latter, they pleasantly spent their leisure time talking about each other, to companions, in a voice loud enough to be heard through tho thin partition, varying the programme occasionally by kicks against the intervening wall, and cries of “ I wish it was you!” A conceited fellow, who prides htfnself on being able to explain and imijerstand everything, was present during a conversation about apple-butter. He had never heard the term before, and commenced repeating it to himself, when one of his friends said to him: “Perhaps you do not know what apple-butter is ?” “Oh, yes, I do,” was the answer; “ I suppose it is made from.the milk of cows fed on apples.”

A Norwich man whohabitually drinks too much liquor, and falls asleep on the sidewalk, has a wonderful dog. When the man lies down and dozes, the dog takes him by the collar of his coat and gives a gentle pull. If the man gives a snore and a turn, but refuses to wake, his friend gives a more emphatic reminder of the necessity of moving. Then, if the sleeper does not awake,' the dog takes a firm grip on some loose portion of bis master’s habiliments, and pulls him until he is fain to arise, shake himself, and wend his way homeward, followed by the watching eyes of his brute companion. The man is somewhat deaf, and cannot hear when a knock is given on his door. The dog, who sleeps near him, awakes at a summons for his master, pulls him until he awakens, and thus notifies him that he is wanted. The latest bear story comes from Porcupine Valley, Nevada. A big cinnamon bear came down to the station buildings from the mountains, about the middle of the afternoon, during a flurry of snow, and got after some young hogs that were running about the bam, some two hundred yards from the house. The sudden appearance of bruin created great commotion in the barn-yard—the hogs boohing and snorting and the fowls cackling at a great rate. The noise attracted the attention of the men at the station, and, going toward the barn, they saw the bear in full chase and close upon the heels of a porker. Finding the bear close upon him, the hog dodghd behind a barrow that was leaning side of the bam, when bruin ran his head through the harrow up to his shoulders in a vain attempt to reach the frightened pig. The pig darted from its cover, and the bear, in pulling to withdraw his head, was caught in the side of one of his jaws by the sharp point of the harrow teeth. The bear began pulling to free himself, when down same the harrow, and, being turned with the teeth down, the fastening process was soon substantially finished, as, not only the tooth that was in the jaw was forced into the ground, but all the rest were similarly fastened and bruin most effectually trapped. Seeing, and comprehending tha situation, Thonjas Rand, keeper oitjie station, ran to a woodpile, seized ata’axe, and, by a few blows, soon dispatched the bear, which weighed nearly four hundred pounds when dressed.