Rensselaer Union, Volume 3, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 January 1871 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

The sweetest thing in bonnets—a pretty face. Tub ladies of New Orleans gave the newsboys a Christmas dinner. Why is an infant like a diamond ? Because it is a dear little thing. Endow your children in the Mutual Life Insurance Company, of Chicago. A good peculiarity of shoemakers is, that they hold on to the last. Why is the world like a piano ? Because it Is full of sharps and flats. Tuehe are nearly 2,000 insane persons and over 500 idiots in jails in Ohio. It has become a question as to whether a phrenologist can tell what a barrel contains by examining its head. The assets of the Washington Life are of the most solid character—Cash, Government Securities,, Real Estate Securities. Some author says that one of the uses of adversity is to bring us out. That's true—particularly at the knees and elbows. A veteran shopkeeper says that although his clerks are very talkative during the day, they are always ready to shut up at night. Mr. Henry Bergh, President of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, protests against the practice of clipping or singeing horses in the winter. They tell of a farmer in Kentucky who was so lazy that when he went to hoe corn he worked so slowly that the shade of his broad brimmed hat killed the plants. A woman in Terre. Haute, Ind., glues her husband’s eyelids together when he comes home drunk, and, when he promises better things, she soaks them in warm water and restores his vision.

It cost the city of Boston for each bath taken during the last season at the public bath houses, including all the expenses for constructing the houses, superintendence, etc., only one cent and five mills. A man who had been Governor of Maine “accommodated" a stranger on the cars with $250 the other day, “until he could get a check for $3,000 cashed.” That ex-Guvemor has lest his faith in human nature. A gentleman purchased a quantity of supposed milk at a Boston restaurant a few days ago, and, a few hours afterward, found his purchase had settled, the top being clear water and the bottom a poor quality of flour. The United States Circuit Court, in New York city, has prosecuted 3(54 suits for penalties and forfeitures during the last year, and recovered $194,109, most of which has been collected; 772 suits are now pending. "Father” Thurston, of Newport, R. 1., aged about 90, was locked out of doors the other evening, by mistake bn the part of his better half, and, not being able to raise the inmates of his home, procured a ladder and climbed into a second-story window. An agent, soliciting subscribers for a book, showed the piospectus to a man who, after reading, “One dollar in boards, and one dollar and twenty five cents in sheep,” declined subscribing, as he might not have boards or sheep on hand when called upon for payment. * A man living in Bristol, on the Virginia border, after indulging in stimulants the other day, kicked one of his acquaintances across the State line into Tennessee. For this little unlawful diversion he was first arrested and fined in Goodson, Tenn., and on his return homo was arrested and fined in Bristol.

One of the “solid men of Boston,” who for twenty-five years has furnished an evening paper with weather reports, etc., is a gikndson of Robert T. Paine, a*slgner of the Declaration of Independence. He has so retentive a memory that he can tell you the peculiarities ' of the weather upon almost any day during the past forty-five ears. A New York clothing house having been robbed, in a short time, of $75,000 worth of goods, had Its employes examined bv detectives the other evening as they were quitting work, and on the persons of. eight, out of eighteen cutters, stolen property, was fotiud. A gentleman, whose cU9tora St was to entertain very often a circle of friends, observed that one of them was in the habit of eating something before grace was asked, and determined to cure him. Upon the

repetition of the offence, he said: Fnr what we are about to receive, and for what James Taylor has already received, the Lord make us truly thankful.” The other day one of the squirrels on the Common, which had been in the habit of helping bhnsclf to a peanut now and then from a fruit stand near' the West street gate, found the woman who tends the stand had covered her peanuts with a cloth. So he seized a peach and made off with it. The woman gave chase, and the squirrel, after drawing her some distance from the stand, diopped the peach, started baok on the double quick, seized a nut before slio could get back, and made off with it, much to the amusement of the by-gtand-ers.—Our Dumb Animal*. A dignified drunkard dwells at Bellows Falls, Vt. He is an old Indian, known as “Dr. John,” and would be smart, save for his love of liquor. As he was tacking along the sidewalk, he made a* misstep, plunged into an opening and stuck there, with nothing but his feet visible above the brick. A person who saw him fall ran to bis aid and pulled him out. As soon as the “doctor” was on his feet, he braced himself up against a hitchingpost, and said: “G’long now 1 Can’t ye mind ycr business* What have I done that ye should abuse me this way?” The individual explained,by saying that he wished to help the doctor out of trouble. Wereat John replied: “ ’Spcct you think that’s mighty big talk! Next time I stoop down to pick up my bat out o’ that hole, want ye just to keep ycr hands off, that’s all!” Among the strangest of rare lsccs is a veil given by Nicholas, Emperor of Russia, to Mrs. Thos. H. Seymour, of Connecticut. It is very large, of exquisite design, and so fragile, so £thereal in texture, that, when shaken out and cast upon the air, it floats like a thistle down, and it is many minutes before it will settle in a close room, and then a whispered invitation will start it on its aerial travels again. The ending syllable “ ough,” which is such a terror to foreigners, is shown in its several pronunciations in the following lines: Wife, make me some dumplings of dough, They're better than meat for my cough: Tray let them be boiled till hot through, Hilt not till they're heavy or tough. Now I must be off to my plough. And the boya ( when they’ve hod enough) Ifust keep the flies off with a bough , While the old mare drinks at the trough.

The late Professor Silliman, of Yale College, received from a company a specimen of coal to examine, and the Professor said he would make a test aad determine its quality. The next day the owners of the grand discovery waited on him again, eager to hear the verdict which was to make or mar their fortunes. The Professor said, with that impressive solemnity which always marked his manner.- Gentlemen, I understand you to say that this property is situated upon a hill-top, consequently the situation is prominent. .It is valuable—immensely valuable—though as a coal mine lam obliged to observe that it is a failure. ’ Fence it, gentlemen, fence it in, and hold it through good and evil fortune, till the Last Day; I am convinced that it will be the best point from which to view the sublime spectacle of final conflagration. I feel satisfied that if any part of the earth shall remain uninjured after that awful fire, it will be that coal mine of yours. A correspondent of the New York Tribune relates a remarkable instance of perseverance and success under unusual deprivation es natural faculties. Two sons of a wealthy American gentleman, both dumb, and one deaf also, were sent to Europe for their education, and have succeeded wonderfully. The elder, who is wholly deaf, passed through the rigid and extended scholastic curriculum of Heidelberg, acquiring ease and elegance in German and French, and a perfect understanding of Greek, Latin and Hebrew, enabling him to pass an oral examination in these tongues with marked ability, and tb receive, at the age of 28, the unusual honor of Doctor of Philosophy, in addition to the usual degree of Master of Arts. The younger brother, though deprived of speech and hearing, has also achieved an equally remarkable success. He is now engaged in painting the ruins of the Alhambra, in Bpain ;tne work, when finished, to be placed on exhibition in this city.