Rensselaer Union, Volume 2, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 September 1870 — Legend of a Baggage-Smasher. [ARTICLE]

Legend of a Baggage-Smasher.

I knew him. It -was years ago. His name was—well, call it Bumps. If you ever get into a railroad struggle, where one struggles to get another off the track, you will snow more about Bumps, or your friends jwill. This Bumps was a nice young man. His hair was always combed low down; he wore brass buttons; and there was a mysterious report current that he had been known to call on the '‘sherry*’ for three, on the Fourth of July, and actually paid for it—paid for it, sir f We held him in awe, we boys did. He could talk about lever watches, pointer dogs, steam barges, and he could relate incidents of difficulties in prize rings so beautifully that I used to wish to knock sorao one in the stomach, and break some ambitious Englishman’s jaw bone. If Bumps said anything the whole town swore that it was so. If ho didn’t say anything we stood back and waited for developments. At last he went away. His uncle used his influence to get bim a position as bag-gage-master. "I never heard of him for years, but 1 was called one day to see him die. I went with great pleasure. Bumps was a mere skeleton; his eyes were like saucers; bis hair was all worn off from tearing round so in bed. He told me all about it. He drove everybody out of the room, bade me string up my nerves to hear a mournful tale, anil then ho commenced. He went on the railroad a pure young man. He took charge of trunks and boxes, and commenced by lifting them by the handles, and setting them down carefully. Ho had not served & month, when the president of the road called him into hisjifflc*, cut down his salary, and told him if there was any more complaints from the conductor. Bumps would b 3 bumped out of a berth Then the young man grew cold and stern. He was bound to suitthe railroad corporation or die. He began by walking up to tho poor old v chest belonging to an orphan, and putting his foot through the corner; the conductor saw the act; the two shook hands, and they wept for hours on each other’s breasts. Bumps had not made two trips before he could sling a satchel eleven rods, retaining both handles in his grasp. Innocent owners of such things threatened him, and commenced suits against him, and swore they would never ride on that road again ; but Bumps was firm. Ho was dignified j he was solemn; he was work-ing-for a higher sphere; he was treading in the path of duty. When gentle females would hang up their tender little baskets and satchels, Bumps would smile a diabolical smile, and he would get in a corner and jump on the articles and toss them up and kick them, and fling them through etherial space. And when the train stopped, he would throw out a Waterfall and a tooth brush to answer the call for check “23.” Husbands struck at bim, and dared bim out of his den, and called him a base fiend, but Bumps was solemn. Ho knew his line of business. When he got hold of a nice trunk he would carry a counte nance like Ja strawberry for joyfulness. Ho would jerk off. one handle, then another, then kick in the ends,, then take an axe and smash the lock, and then he would let the shirts and things rattle out on the track. It got so at laßt that peolile actually paid high prices for the priviege of living along the line of that road, as they got their shirts for nothing. All that was needed was to have the children follow up Bump’s train. But there came a black day. A miserable, contemptable, sneaking wretch, who owned a saw mill and nail factory, went traveling. He run Mb factories two weeks on nothing but trunk stuff, and he brought out the wickedest trunk that ever went into a car. It was seven feet thick all round, and there were countless naiis driven In, one after the other, until the thing was clear proof. Then he gave it into Bump’s hands, charging him to be “ very careful if lie pleased.” Tho train started. Bumps got the axe as usual and struck at the lid, but the axo bounded back.. He struck once more; tho axe flew in pieces. Then ho got a crow bar and a can of powder, but he oouldn’t start a nail. He swore and jumped up and down, and wanted to die, and wished he’d never been born. • He got all tho train men in; they all pounded,drat the trank held firm, it went through all right. It was handed down without ajam, and the owner was there to say, “Thank you, sir," and he pretended he was going back again, and had the chest put on hoard once * more. Bumps grew pale. He grew sick. Hftlegs shook. He had chills all over him. The-trunk went hack a witness of man’s inhumanity to man. Bumps grew worse. He felt that he was forever disgraced, and went to bod with brain fever. They tried to" console hbn, and said that they . could have trusted tho chest if they had only thought to have a collision, but the spirit of the man was gone. I was there when he died. I never want to weep as I wept then. Ho just sank right away murmuring, “Cuss that t-r-u-o-k.”