Rensselaer Union, Volume 2, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 November 1869 — MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

t ,WelL “ posted ” —The telegraph. ■ Good Stock Actors—Vanderbilt and Fisk. Men of Mark—Those who can’t w’rite their own names. I& it necessary to have wings to fly into a passion ? Why is the word “ Yes” like a mountain ’ Because it’s an aenent. Facts prove that the man who insures his life is more likely to live to an advanced age than he who neglects to do so. Insure in the Washington and enjoy life. “ No man in the nation is more indebted to the people than I am,” said an old office-holder. “ Indeed, sir; how much of tlfeir money have you taken ?” “I am certain, wife, that I am right,and that your are wrong; I’ll bet my ears on it.” “Indeed, husband, you shouldn’t carry betting to such extreme lengths.” “ How came such a greasy mess in the oven*” said a fidgety old spinster to her maid-of-all-work. “ Why,” replied the firl, “ the candles fell into the water, and put them in the oven to dry.” When an ill natured fellow was trying to pick a quarrel with a peaceable man, the latter said.- “ I never had a fuss except with one man; he was buried at four ■o’clock; it is now half-past three.” If it is wise to insure your house, where the chances are only one to a hundred that it may burn down, it is wise to insure your life, which must certainly end—-you know not how soon. Insure in the Washington Life Insurance Company. “ Mv dear Lucy, I am surprised at your taste in wearing another woman’s hair ami your head," said Smith to his wife. “ My dear Tom,” replied the wife, “ I am equally astonished that you persist in wearing an other sheep’s wool on your back” A tricky politician, who was noted for never doing anything without a sinister purpose, having died, the clergyman who preached his funeral sermon said that it would have been a great consolation to the friends of the deceased, if they could have ascertained his motive in thus suddenly leaving them. Tint' Difference.— -r- “ Saratoga and Long Branch—you have seen them:" Said Charlie one morning to Joe; “ Pray tell me the difference between them, For bother my wig if I know.” Quoth Joe. “Tfs the easiest matter At once to distinguish the two— At the one you go Into the water. At the other it goes into you 1” Sales of Books at the West.—The entire book trade of Chicago, including that small portion of the stationery trade which is done by the book houses, nearly reaches $3,000,000 per year. Of the unabridged dictionaries, Clriggs & Co. sell annually 1000 copies of Webster and about 25 of Worcester. — Chicago Evening Post, Oct. 19, 1869. Give way for the postmistress of a small town out on the plains. Bhe needs no introduction other than the following extract from her first quarterly report to the department: “ For weeks past I have slept with a six-shooter at my bedside and a carving-knife under my pillow, expecting at break-o’-day the Indians would come for my scalp, but all of this has not been half so harrassing to my mind as the making out of one quarterly report.” A pfiosFBROUS old grocer of a certain city having been advised to give his son a college education, did so. After the young man had graduated, his father sent him to New Orleans to look after his “ sugar interests;” and, on reading a letter from him, he exclaimed to the gentleman who had induced him to send his son to college, “Just look here, now, and see how you’ve made me throw away my money on .this boy, for, after all his college lamin, he 'spells wtnyur without an h, every time I”