Rensselaer Union, Volume 1, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 July 1869 — A Prompt Witness. [ARTICLE]

A Prompt Witness.

Psuhafs one of the most “enjoyable” things a modern court of Justice — where not unfrequently innocent witnesses, who are losing patience, time and money, in their compulsory occupancy of the witness stand (whtoh fin a pilory,) are ‘baliytsgged" and b the torturing in return of some impudent unfeeling advocate. A good case in point is tiUS : In a court not more than about five thousand miles away from the city of Gotham a legal gentleman had gone through the various stages of bar pleading, and had coaxed, threatened, and bullied witnesses to his heart's content, when it chanced that a very stupid fellow, an hoatier was called upon the stand. He was, in fact simplicity personified. The counsel, it should be premised, had made a great rase about the previous witnesses speaking so low that he could not hear them. “Mow, >ir," said the burned counsel, “I hope we shall have no difficulty In making yaw speak vp. n (He himself spoke rudely loud:) ” *‘l hope not, Sir 1” shouted out the witness In such bellowing tones that they fairly shook the building. “How dare you speak In that way; Birr" demanded the counsel. *7 can't tptdk no louder I”—shouting louder than befbre, as If to atone for hb fault ;tn speaking too low I “Hive you been drinking this morning?” asked the lasryer, who bad now entirely loet the command of hb temper at the roars of laughter which burst forth from autrowded audience. “Tftar," Mid th ©-witness, frankly. “And what have you been drinking, Sir t Look at the jury—don't look at me, Sir, in that way 1" “ Corfu, Sir.’ ’ “Did you have any thing ia yout coffee, Sir ?" * •• Tar, Sir.” “ i thought so,” Mid the oooaMl, with a glance at the jury.*' “Well, Sir," continued the “learned counsel," “you My Sou "hod something in your cofiee. Bute. ’ you please, to the Jury what that ‘something’ saw.” -Tr ■ e. i. - .

“ Sugar, Bir,” answered the wHhets, without the movement of a muscle. : There was another bunt of “furtive laughter ” throughout the court-room. “This man it no fool, your Honor* (addressing the Court), “ but he is something teoree. Now, witness, you must come to tho point. Had yon anything s lei in yonr ooffec besides sugar ? ” * Tee, Birr “Yea ?—you had t (Well, we are likely to get at the troth after all, hia turning and twitting to the contrary notwithstanding.) Well, Sir, what else mu it you had ih your coffee? ” “A ipune, Sir!” shouted the witness; “Do I make you hear me Square?—* ipune / /” That was the last witness, snd the last of him on the stand. Here the trial was adjourned until the next day Harper't Mageuine. .