Rensselaer Union, Volume 1, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 February 1869 — Joining the Masons [ARTICLE]

Joining the Masons

Knobs has joined the Masons, and here is his experience: “I must tell you the perils and trials I had to undergo to become a Mason. On the evening in question I presented myself at the door of the Lodge room No. 36,666, sign of the skull and cross-bones. I was com ducted to an ante-room, where five or sixmelanoholy chaps, in sashes and embroidered napkins, were waiting to receive me. On my entrauce they fill got up and turned back somersaplts, and then resumed their seats. A big fat fellow wbo sat in the middle, and who seemed to be the proprietor, then said, ‘Sinner from the other world, advance!’ I advanced. ‘Will yon give up everything to join us ?’ ‘Not if 1 know it,’ 1 said ; ‘there are my wife and fburttea fine— ’ Another party here told me tosny‘yes,’ as it was merely a matter of fbrm. So I said, ‘yes, 1 give up everything.’ “The fellows in the towels then groaned and said: 4 *Tis well. Do you swear never to reveal anything yon sec or hear this evening to any human being, or to your wife?’ I said, *’Pon rny word I will not.’ Then they examined my teeth and felt my tongue, then groaned again. I said, ‘lf you don’t feel well I’ve got a little bottle here.’ The fat man here took the bottle from me and told me to shut up. He then in a voice of thunder, said, ‘bring forth the goat’ Another fellow then comes up with a cloth tg blind me ‘Ng you: don’t, M*, Maspn,’ { said, ‘no tricks on travelers, if you please; I don’t believe in playing blind man’s buff with a goat. I'll ride the devil' if you like, but I don’t go it blind. Stand back or I’ll knock you into smithereens.’ They were too much for me, however, so I had to submit tp being blindfolded. The goat was then led in, and 1' could bear him making an awful racket among the furniture, I began to feel that I was urgently wanted at home, but I was infor’it and could not help mysolf. “Xhree oT four fellows then seized me, aud with a demoniacal laugh, pitched me On the animal’s back, telling me at the same time to look for squalls. I have been in many scrapes, Mr. Editor; I’ve been in election fights; IVefieen pitet) edout or a four-story window; jf have gonp down in a railway collision but this little goat excfrrsyp is ahead Of t^

all. The confounded thing must be all wings aud horns. It bumped me against chairs aud tables, and the ceiling, but 1 hung on like a Trojan. I turned front somersaults and rollod over. I thought it was all over with me. - I was just On the point of giving up, when the bandage fell from my eyes, and •the goat bounded through tho window with a yell like a wild Indian giving up tbg ghosf. I was in a lodge of Masons. They were dancing a war dance around a big skull, and playing leap-frog and turning handsprings, ;tj ( d the big fat fellow' of the ante-rooin was standing on his head in the corner.” ~ y::— 'l'lfO't.' « " Master Shrimps Composition. Ma is my mother. lam her son. Ma’s name is Mrs Shrimp; she is the wife of Mr. Shrimp, and Mr. Shrimp is her husband. Pa is iny father. My name is John George Washington Shrimp. Pa’snameis Shrimp tpo; and" so is my Ma’s. My m® has #- ma. She is my grandma. She is mother-in-law to pa. My pa says mother-in-laws ought to be vetoed. I like my granma better than pa does. She brings me ten cent stamps and bolivars. She don’t bring any to pa. Maybe that’s why he her.

Aunt Jerusha is my aunt. When pa was a little boy. she was his sister. . I like little sisters. Dickey Mopps has a little sister. Her name is Rose. I take her outriding on my sled. Aunt Jerusha' don’t like her. She calls her that “Mopps girl.” I think Aunt Jerusha ought to be ashamed of herself. Aunt Jerusha lives with us.— Sometimes I think ma had rather have her live with somebody else. I asked Awit Jerusha once why she didn’t marry somebody and set up for herself. She said that, many and many a man had wanted to marry her, but while her poor Susan Jane w r as in such a state of health, she couldn’t think of leaving ! Besides, she said, what would become of your poor pa? Aunt Jerusha sometimes has a state of health too. On washing days she has the headache, and does her head up in brown paper and vinegar, and I have to make toast for her, at the kitchen ftre; I make some for myself, too. Aunt Jerusha*says that nobody knows what she has done for that boy. That boy’s me again. I told pa what she said. He said it was just so, Nobody did know. Ma said that Aunt,Jerusha means well, and that she’s pa’s dear sister. I don’t sec why that’s any reason she should always scold me when I eat cabbage with a knife. —“ Master Shrimp,’*