Rensselaer Union, Volume 1, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 February 1869 — A Wicked Fraud. [ARTICLE]

A Wicked Fraud.

I’EUPETBATKU ON MARK TWAIN. It is seldom pleasant to tell on one's self, but sometimes it is a sort of relief to a man to tnake-& sad coniession. I wish to unburden my mind, now, and yet 1 almost believe that I am moved to do it more beeause I long to bring censure upon another man, than because I desire to pour balm upon my wounded heart. (I don't know what balm is, but I believe it is the correct expression to use in this connection—never having secu any balm.) You may remember that { lectured in Newark lately for the- young gentlemen of the Clayonian Society ? I did, at any rate. During the afternoon of that day, I was talking with one of the young gentlemen just referred to, And lie said he had au uncle who, from some cause or other, seemed so have grown permanently bereft of all emotion. And with tears in his eyes this young man said—“Ob, if I could only see him laugh once more! Oh, if 1 could only seo him weep!” I was touched! I never could withstand distress. 1 said—- “ Bring him to my ieeture. I’ll start him tor you.” “Oh, if you could but do it! If you could but do it, all our family would bless you forevermore —for he is very dpar to us. Oh, my benefactor, can you make him laugh? Can you bring soothing tears to those parched orbs?” 1 was profoundly moved. I said: “My son, bring the old party around. I have, got some jokes in that lecture that will make him laugh if there is any laugh m him—and if they miss firo, I have some others that’ll make him cry or kill him, one or the other,’’

Then the young man blessed me, and wept on my neck, and blew bis uoso on my coat tail, and went after his uncle. lie placed him in full view, in the second row of benches, that night, and I began on him. I tried him with mild jokes; then with severe ones; I dosed him with bad jokes, andriddled him with good ones; I fired pjd jokes into him, and peppered him fore-and-aft with redhot new ones; I wanned up to my work, and assaulted him on the right and on the left, in front and behind; I fumed and sweated, and charged and routed, till I was hoarse and sick, and frantic and furious—but I never moved him once—l never started a smile or a tear! Never a ghost of a smile, and never a suspicion of moisture! ,1 was astounded. 1 closed the lecture at last with one dispairing shriek—-with one wild burst of humor—-and hurled a joke of supernatural atrocity full at himI never phased him. Then I sat down bewildered and exhausted. The president of tlio society oame op and bathed my bead with oold water, and said—- “ What made you carry on so toward the last ?” I said; <‘l was trying to snake that confounded old fool laijgh in the second row/’ „,, v And he qaid; “Well, yovj were wasting f your Mwe—because fie iq deaf andjjumb, B«d as' »| » badger.,” . **7J or

old man’s nephew to impose on a stranger and an orphan like tne ? I simply ask you, as a mao and a brother, if that was any way for him to do? Mark Twain.