Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 December 1879 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

I fillfid ’*V “yS-STV - '.ii-''".V ; * . would havi been cheaper for him to go ittusio rcacuer to scuoiar— xou see Hesaidtoher: “The moon is always Just the same, and yet I always find some new beauty in it” She said to him: “It’s lust so with the circus.”!. He bought tickets for two. The fellow who drops a counterfeit coin on the church plate, Is the one who occupies the last pew in order to save the interest on his ceqt while the collection is being taken up. Compared to Woman, how insignificant is man, especially in the matter of baggage! As a rule you can stand his trunk up on top of hers and still have room enough there for a game of parlor croquet “I was not aware that you knew him,” said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the other day. “Knew him!” said he in a tone which comprehended the knowledge of more than one fife. “I knew him when his father was a boy.” “There is nothing like settling down,” saida retired merchant confidentially to his neighbor. “When I give up business.! settled, down and ■und I had quite a* comfortable fortune. If I had settled up I shoutout have had a oent” A man in St John, N. B. f bought two barrels of potatoes, which were all rotten before be had them a Week. They were called Early Rose and Bluenose.bat he changed the names to Goldsmith Maid and Dexter, because they were such fast-rotters. Doctor X. is as had a hunter as he is a physician, but this does not prevent him, regularly as the hunting season comes round, from spending a fortnight in the fields with dog and gnu. “And that’s the only period of the year when he does not kill anything,” says one of his colleagues, kindly. They were talking of shooting, when the minister, after some pretty tall stories had been told, remarked: “Once I had a trial; out of fifteen shots, I missed one.” He waited until the crowd had exhausted its compliments on his superior marksmanship, when he gravely added :“That is, aty brother shot fourteen times and I shot once—and missed.” And he smiled just as innocently as if he had not accomplished anything particularly worth speaking of. . In her growing and bitter hatred of “bangs,” Queen Victoria now scape her own hair back so straight and-so tight that the good old tody has to sleep with her eyes open. When she was a gal, gals had more sense than to wear their hair like a hurricane. Yes, yes, that’s so, Victoria,“rlgbtyotf are,” but then, gals will be gals you know, and a girl who would wear her hair as you do, would scare horses in tbe stroct * “How far,” asks an exchange, “will bees go for honey?” The answer to, this conundrum is unknown to us, but it is awell-known feet thatabee will go miles out of its way for the purtlwheil. atingiDg * barw * foot ® d Rector’s wife—“ How doyou do, Mr. * Wiggles? We have not seen you at a visitin’ my old ’aunts at Manchester, mu’m.” Rector’s wifo~“Really! f hope you found the old ladies quite well.” Mr. Wiggles—“l didn’t say haunts, mu’m—l said my old’aunts—revisitin’ the ’aunts of my youth, you know, mu’m!” ” A party of gentleman were playing poker in Louisville when a tefriflS storm arose: the lightning played as “I can’t stand this, gentlemen; I