Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1879 — PUTTING ON AIRS. [ARTICLE]

PUTTING ON AIRS.

What Took the JFrills Oat of One Man. Ban Francisco Post. He was a shrewd, white-headed old gentleman tourist who sat sippiag a lemonade in a Baldwin bar-room the other day, and who remarked, as a self-important looking individual came in and haughtily ordered a whiky •straight: “Now, T ’sposd the gentleman is one of your bonanza fellows, and owns about two thirds of the real estate round here?” i “No,” he replied; “he's a much greater personsage. He is one of the successful candidates of the late election.” “I might have known it!” exclaimed the old gentleman emphatically. “He acts just as I did when I was elected to Congress.” “How was that?” “Well, vou see, I was elected M. C. from the Fourth District just after the war. We had a pretty lively campaign of it, and, as I never had been in politics afore, I somehow got the idea that the whole country had quit work and was watching my contest with Quivering; anxiety Every time the other side accused me of being a chicken-thief or a bigamist, or something, and I’d get back at them with a card in the Redville Warhoop, headed,'Another Lie Nailed!’ I’d send a marked copy to every leading paper iu the oountry.” "Did, eh?” “Yes, and I was disgusted to find they never paid the slightest attention to me neither. What surprised me more was that, although I kept the President and cabinet advised of everything that occurred, I never got the slightest sympathy from any of them. I was an Administration man. too, and 1 thought that it was blamed singular.” “Didn’t notice you at all?” “Not all, sir, and when I vas elected, and the boys lighted a bonfire in the main streets and serenaded me, and 1 spoke six hours in the open air as to my future course on the tariff and the finances, the N£w York papers merely said that ‘a Mr. Gunn had been elected by a small majority,’ my name being Gonley, as you know.” “That was hard.”

“Well, I put that all down to envy and malice, and I started for Washington. I expected that at least.the Speaker of the House and a Committee appointed by the Senate would be down at the depot to welcome me to the Capital. “Did they do so?” “The only person who met me were a committee of hackmen, who tore my overcoat half off, raamicd me into a hack aiui robbed me, with the aid and assistance of the hotel clerk, who then gave m 3 a dark room on the top floor, and asked the first week’s board in advance; skid it was the rule of the house wi.b Arkansas members,” “The impudent rascal.”* “That’s what I thohght. Well, the next morning 1 got away from the bed bugs as well as I could, aud went up to the White House to see if the President would like to stroll down to the House to introduce me aud see me sworn in. I sent up my card, and in an hour or two some Secretary or other sent back word that the President was at breakfast and couldn’t be bothered.”

“That was i retty short, wasn’t it?” “Well I was just dumbfounded. However,!: Iwent down to the Capital and told the Bergeant-at-Arms to go in and announce to the members that I have arrived. He grinned and said, ‘That’s devilish good, that is;’ and rushed of. I expected that, of course, the members would come crowding up to congratulate me, and say something ‘magnificent speech of yours, that last one, Gonley. Beat’em by forty-eight votes, too, old fellow.’ And then maybe they’ give me three cheers, and ail that sort of thing.” “And did they?” “No. sir; I hope I may never stir if they didn’t give me a back seat in .the cloak room until my name was called, and adoorkeeper fired me ofit into tne corridor.t wice under the Impression that I was a lobbyist. Well, after I had been put on the Joint Committee on Spittoons and Window Washing, and spent a couple of months trying to wedge in my great four-hour speech on the Match Tax, something occu: red that let down my check rein, and took all the frills out of me for good.” “What was that?”

“Well, I was taking a drive out to the Soldiers’ Home one afternoon with three other members, when a light buggy went by like a streak of greased lightning, the trotter driven by a solemr looking man in a rusty plug hat, who was smoking a cigar and steadying a small terrier on the seat with his elbow-” “ ‘That’s Butcher,’ said one of my companions, with great interest; ‘trots in twenty. He’s a rattling >d stepper, bet your life.’ *• ‘Did you notice that dog? said another. ‘Best bred pup in town; tail no bigger than a rat’s; infernal fine dog, that.’ “As I had nothing else u> say, I casually inquired who the driver was.’ “ ‘ Why, tuat’s the President,’ said one of them with a yawn. ‘By Jove! how I’d like to have one of those pups!’ “That settles it. I’ve been as meek and sad as a car-horse pulling a picnic ever since.”