Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1879 — BURGLAROUSLY AND FELONIOUSLY. [ARTICLE]

BURGLAROUSLY AND FELONIOUSLY.

We had lust locked up the safe, and L had put the kev in my pocket—l am the accountant of the North and South of England Hank, at its Padsey branch, W. It. Yorks. I had got my hat on and had tak«-n up my umbrella, when a man came running into the hank with a lug of money in his hand. “Am lin time?” he cried. .1 shook my head. “Deuce take it!” he said; “and I’m off to Liverpool by the next train, and then to America.” “Sorry for'tt,” I said; “but we can’t take the money.” “Well, then,-what is to he done? Here’s £22,000 in this bag, and thos? drafts of mine ».ome due in a couple of days. Well, you’ll have to take’em tip,” he said; “I can’t unless you take the money in to-night.” I knew' that those drafts were com mg due, and that our manager was a little anxious about them, for they were rather and the other names on them were not very good. Black, too —that was the man with the money hag—Black was a capital customer; and not only a good customer himself, but he brought good accounts with him, and we were ayouug branch and on our mettle. Well, herfc was the money to meet the drafts, anyhow, and I should have been a great fool to send it away because it was after hours. So I counted It all over; there was about £IO,OOO in checks and notes and £3,000 iu gold. “Come and have a glass of beer with me,” said Black, “ou the way to the

station.” I'put the bag of money in my desk and lock*# it up. I would comeback presently and have it placed In the safe. I walked to the station with Black: we had some beer together, and then he went off Americawarda. and I ori my way to Nemophillar Villas. You see I was rather in the habit of calling for a gla->s of beer as I went home, and then going on, and consequently, from the force of habit, I’d w l most got home before I remembered the bag of money. It was vexing, too because we had a tea-party that night, , the first since our marriage, and it beEu at 6 o’clock, and I'd promised to home ai: hour earlier to draw the *»rks aud help to get things ready. And here it was ft o'clock, and I had to go all the way back to the bank. All the way back 1 weut as hard as I could pelt. However, the money • was all right in iny desk, and now I'd put it in the safe. “Tell Mr. Cousins” our manager, you kuow —I said to the servant who’d let me in, “that I want the key of the safe.” But you had it in your pocket, you sky, which shows that you are Dot acquainted with therules and regulations of the North aud tiouth of England Bank, which say that tho accountant or chief cashier shall be responsible for the due custody of the cash while it is iu his possession in the daytime, and ; that at night all moneys and securities shall be carefully secured wiihin the office safe, which shall be secured by two keys, one Of which shall l»e iu . the custody of the manager, and tbe

second in that of the accountant or cashier. But, you say again, as long as you had one kev, what did you want with two? There, I own, the regulations are obscure. Thev were drawn up by somebodv without any literary *ksl!; if they’d consulted me about ’t *. I could nave suggested a good ma ■ improvements. \Vhat they meaut to say was that the safe was to be secured b. two locks, and that a key of each, u t interchangeable the one with the o'.h-sr, was to in the custody, etc. Now you understand why I wanted Mr. .Cousin’s key. ••Eh, my!" said the servant, opening her mouth wide, “and what might you want Mr. Cousins’ key for?" Just as stupid as you, you see I was mad with the girl. I own I always get out of temper with those Yorkshire people. If you ask ’em the simplest question, first they opeu their mouths and gape at you. Wheu you’ve repeated the question twice they shut their ‘ mouth-* and think for a bit. Then the idea seems to reach the thing that does 'duty with ’em for brains, and excites a sort of reflex action, for, by jengo! instead of answering your question the go and ask you one. And that makes | me so mad. Oh, they’re a very dense race, those Yorkshire people. “Why to open the safe, you stupid" said I “Where is he?" “Don’t you know?" sjiyß she. “Know!" I cried in a rage: “what should I ask you for, if I did know?" “Didn’t thou know that he were at hat boose??’ Ah! so he was. I’d nearly forgotten that he was one of the guests at my wife’s parsy. Clearly, I.ciuldn’t get the safe open, and I flidu’t like to leave the monjy in my desk, so I put It in

mw and took it home, thinking pj five It to Cousins with my put it in the safe when he returned. A nice men I have got when I reached home; for you see it had been arranged the* I was t# go *nd drees before anybody came; and that then our room waa to be made ready for the ladies to take their bonne to off —for they were not all carriage people. Well you never saw such a thing! When I got home and crept up-stairs to dress —the people had all come, so the servant said —there were six mum and four bonnets a d five pork-pie hats and half a dozen shaws on the bed,and one lady had left her every-day ourla hanging over the looking-glash l Upon myword, I really didn’t like to perform my toilet among all these feminine gear; and there was no lock to the door; and my dress clothes were all smothered up among- these mutts, and things. But I got through pretty well, and had just got one of my legs into my trousers, when bang atrop dopdop! such a rattle at the knocker, and heard my wife scutting away into the hall. There were the Markbys, our tramp card, who kept their own carriages, aud everything grand. ‘•.So kiud of vou, my dear!” said my wife, kissing Mrs. Markby most affectionately. 1 could hear the reports where I stood. 1 , “8o delighted! Really, how nicely, how beautifully you arrange everything! I can’t have things so nice, with my servant®, sud—” “Ruu up-stairs, dear, do!” said my wife. “You know the room—my room, right hand, at the top of the stairs ”

I heard the flutter of female wiugs on the stairs. What was I to do? If I could have managed the other leg, I wouldn’t have minded, but I couldn’t. I hadn’t worn these drees things for a good while, and I don’t get any thinner as I grow Older. No, for the life of me I couldn’t dispose of that other leg at such short notice. What could 1 do? I could only rush to the door, and set my back against it. Did I tell you this was our house warming party? I think not. Did I tell you our landlord had altered the ■ house foi us, making our bedroom larger by adding a slip that had formed a separate room? I think not. And yet I ought to have told you all these circumstauces, to enable'yoo to understand the catastrophe that followed. Jn a word, opened outward. I’d forgotten that peculiarity, never having had a room so constituted before, and never will again. The door went open with a crash, and I bounded backward into Mrs. Mark by’a arms. Smelling salts aud sal volatile, was there ever such an untoward affair? The music struck up for the dßiiees as I implied back into my room. I hid my head among the bolsters and muffs and almost cried; for lam such a delicate minded mau. Yes, it hurt me a great deal more than it did Mrs. Markby, for, would you believe it? she told the story down below to the whole compauy, with pantomimic action, sud, when I showed myself at the door of, the drawing room, was received with shouts of inextinguUhable laughter. I think I called the Yorkshire people dense just now, didn’t 1? Well, I’ll add another epithet—coarse—dense and coarse, I told ’em so; but they only lauglsed the more.

The guests were gone,the lights were out, slumber had just visited my eyes, when right into my brain, starting me up as if I’d been shot, came a noise, a sort of dull bursting noise. I wasn’t really certain at first whether I had heard a noise or only dreamed of it. I sat up in bed and listened intently. Was it only my pulse thumping into my ears, or were those regular beats the tramp of somebody’s muffled feet? Then I heard an unmistakable sound —creak, creak, creak—a door opened slowly and cautiously. All in a moment the idea flashed into my head — £22,000. You see, all this dancing and junketing, and laughing and chaffing, had ioompletely driven out of my mind all thoughts of tbe large sum I had in my possession. I had left it in a great coat pocket, which was hanging up in the hall downstairs. Pun! a gust of wind came through the house, rattling the doors and windows and then I heard a door slam, and a footstep outside of some one cautiously stealing away. Away downstairs I weut like a madman, my one thought to put my baud on that great ooat. It was a brown great coat, with long tails, and two pockets behind, and a little cash pocket, on the left band side in front, and rids reast pocket in which I bar! put the ag of money. This pocket wasn’t as usual on the left-hand side, but on the right. There was no other coat hanging on the rails, only my wife’s waterKroof. What a swoop I made to get old of that coat! Great heavens! it was srone!

1 had carefully barred and chained the front door before I went to bednow it was unfastened. I ran out into, the street, and looked up and down, hopeless and bewildered. It was a dark, damp light; the lamp at the corner threw a long, sickly ray down the streaming pavement, but there wasn’t a soul to be seen. Everything was still and cold and dark. The money was clean gone—yes, it •was gone. I repeated those words mechanically to myself as I crawled up stairs. All the result* of this loss pictured themselves clearly before me — dismissal from the bauk, ruin of all my prospects, utter ruin, In fact! What could I do? To what turn? The blow that had fallen upon me was so heavy and sudden that it had benumbed my faculties My chief desire was to crawl into bed and fall a sleep, hoping never to wake. But morning would come surely enough—morning and its attendant miseries.

Then the thought came to me: Should I go to bed and say nothing at all about ft? No one kuew of my having received that money, not asoulbut Black, the man who had deposited it. I bad given him no receipt for it, no acknowledgement. Black had gone to America—a hundred things might happen—he might never return; at all events there was respite, Immediate relief. I could go to the bank next morning, hang up my hat as usual, everything would go on as before. If Buck returned, my word was as good as his. The notes and checks would never be traced home. But I don’t think I retained this thought long. Did you ever consider how much resolution and force of will it takes to Imitate a course of crime and deception? I’d neither tbeoue or the other. I should have broken down at onoe. I,

•ouldn’t have that fellows eye on me and tell him I had never bad his money. I woke my wife, she’d slept through all the trouble; “Mary,” I said, “we’re ruined; there’s beeqa robbery.” “A robbery crieashe clasping her hands; “and are the men gone?” “Yes,” I said. “Oh, thank heaven!” she said, “then were safe. Never mind the rest, Jack, as long as our lives are safe. But there’s my waterproof, Jack —oh -do run and see if they’ve taken that ?” Then I told he* the story of the£22,000. She wouldn’t believe me at first, but, when she heprd the w hole, story she was frightened enpugh. Yet she had wits about her more than I h id. “You must run off to the town hall, Jack,’* she said, “and set the police to work. They must telegraph to all the stations—to London, and everywhere! Oh, do go at once, Jack—this very moment! Every second lost may be ruin to us.”

Away I went to the town hall. This was a big classic edifice, with an Immense portico and a huge flight of steps; but you didn’t go into the portico to get into the police office, but to the side which wasu’t classical at all, but of the rudimeutary style of architecture, and you went along a number of echoing stone passages before you reached the superintendent’s office. When Itold the superintendent your story—“Ah,” he said, ‘‘l think I know who difl that job.” “Oh,” said I, “how thankful I am! Then you can put your hands on him and get back the money. I want the the money hack, Mr. Superintendent —never mind him. I wouldn’t inind, Indeed, rewarding him for his trouble, If I could only get the money bock.” “Sir,” said the superintendent severely. “the police ain’t sent into the world to get people’s money back—nothing of the sort; we aren’t going to encourage composition of felony; and our putting our hands on Flash} Joe—for he did the job, mark you—well, what do >ou thiuk the liberty of the subject Is for? Where’s your evidence?”

I was obliged to confess I hadn’t any, whet eat the Superintendent looked at me contemptuously. “Now. let’s see into* the matter,” said he, aftei he’d made some notes on a bit of paper. “How came they to know you’d got the money in your coat?” I said I didn’t know. “Ah, but I know,” said the superintendent. ‘‘You went to get a glass of ale after you left the bank, young man?” I was obliged to confess I did so. “That’s how property gets stolen,” said he, tooking at me severely. “And what’s more, you had a glass with a friend. Ah! L knew you had. And perhaps you got talking to this friend of yours?” “Yes, indeed, I had.” “Very well; and mention .id about the money you’d just took?” “Very likely.” “Then this Joe, depend upon it, was in the crib at the time, and he heard you, aud he fallowed you back to the uank; and you haven’t got blinds but a wire netting over the window, and anybody outs.'de can see you oounting out tne gold aud silver.” “That’s true’” I said. “Yes, I see it all,” said the superintendant, “just as Joe saw it. He follows you up here to yonder, and he sees you put your money in your coat pocket, and then he follows you home, and when all’s quite he cracks the crib. Oh. it’s all in a nutshell, and that’s how property goes. And then you come to the police.” “But, if you know it’s Joe, why don’t you send after him and catch him?” • “Oh, we kuow our own business, sir; you leave it all to us: we shall have Joe tight enough, if not for this job, anyhow for the next - We’ll give him a bit of rope, like.” 1 couldn’t put any fire into the man, do what I could; he was civil, that is for a York-shireman - impassive; he’d do what was right. I’d given the information ; very well; all the rest was his business. So I came home miserable, dlspairing. It was just daylight by this time, uud as I opened tbe shutters the debris of our feast was revealed: the lees of the lobster salad, the picked bones es the chickens, the melted residuum of the jellies: while about everything hung the faint smile of tour wine. I sat down amid all this wretchedness and leaned ray head on my arms in dull, miserable lethargy. Then I sprang up, and as I did so 1 Caught sight of myselt in the looking-glass. Good heavens! was this wretched, hang-dog looking fellow myself? Did a few bourn’ misery change a man like this? Why, I was a very felon in appearance, and so I should be thought to be. Who would believe this story of a robbery ? Why. the police didn’believe in it, else they'd have taken a different tone. No; 1 should be looked upon as a thief by oil the world. •Then my wife came down stairs, and with a few touches restored a little order and sanity, both to outward matters and my miDd. She brought me some coflee and au egg and some bread aud butter, and after I had eaten and drunk I didn’t feel quite so bad.

“Jack," she said, “you must go to London at once and see the doctors. Have the first word and tell them all about it —all the particulars. It was only a little bit of carelessness after all, and perhaps they’ll look over it.’’ “Yes, that’s all very well,” I said. “But how am Ito get there? I’ve got no money. This wretched party has cleared us right out." “Borrow some of Cousins." “He asked me to.lend him a sovereign last night, and I couldn’t.’’ Now, you’ll say, “Here’s a man without resource. Why didn’t te ]«wn his watch?" To tell the truth, that’s what I did the week before, and the money was all gone. “Then, under these circumstances, ’’ you’ll add, “it was immoral to give a party. But, you’ll bear in mind the invitations had been out for a fortnight, and we were then in funds. “Well, Jack," said ray wife, “you must get the man—the P. B, —to give vou some more money on the watch. Bell it to him right out It must be worth at least ten pounds, for it cost thirty, and you’ve only had five upon it. Bell the ticket.’* Yes; hut where was the ticket? Why, in the little cash pocket of my brown greatcoat. Still. I had heard that if you’d lost a ticket you could make the man give you another, and Brooks, the pawnbroker, was a respectable fellow, who, perhaps, would help

me out of my difficulty. X- went to him, anyhow, on my way to the station. I felt like a ticket-of-leave man as I went into his shop, but I put ji good face upon it “Brooks,” I said, “sbat watch—you know the ticket—it’s stolen.” Hrooks gave a most profen tious i wink. He was a slow-speeched man, with a red fisoe, and a tremendous corporation. “Nay,” he says, “my lad, thou’rt wrong there.” “What do you mean?” I said, coloring up furiously. Etery one suspected me, it seemed. “Whol, it might ha’ been stolen once, but it aren’t no; ’ave got it here. This is bow it were. A cadging sort o’ chap come in, and he says, ‘Master, what’ll you give me for tnis ticket!’ Now, you know the hect don’t allow us to give nought in that kind of way, but I says to the chap: ‘Let’s have a look at it:’ and then 1 saw it was yours, and I said to the man: 'My lad, you aren’t come honest by this.’ ” “And you gave him into custody, he’s In prison? Old Brooks, what a capital fellow you are!” “Nay,” he said; “I knowed better nor that. Do you thins I’d hexpose a customer? I know you gents don’t care about these little matters getting abroad; and so I slaps my fist on the oounter, and I says; ‘Hook it!’ just like that. And away he went like a lamplighter.” I sank down on the counter, overpowered with emotion. “And what’s more,” wenton Brooks, “he never took up the money I’d lent him for the coat.” “What coat?” I cried. “A very nice brown coat he put up with me. About fit Vou, I should think. See, here it is.” It was my identical brown great coat, wrapped up in a bundle, and tied round with my own handkerchief. I made a dart at it, opened it, plunged my hand into the breast pocket—there was the roll of money, there were the £22,000. How did I go to the bank that morning, on legs or wings? And how did T get home, as soon as I ha<i put the money safe away ? Mary knew by my face that it was all nght; and didn’t we have a dance of Joy all round the house! My bursrlar had been only a sort of sneak, after all, who had got in at an open window, and bolted with the siioils of the hall, but, if he had taken tiie pains to look into the pockets of tin; coat, he’d have been a rich—though perhaps miserable and insecure—man, aud I should have been utterly and deservedly ruined.