Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 November 1879 — Wanted. [ARTICLE]

Wanted.

A clergyman who can preach three sermons consecutively without mentioning Galileo. A man who will refrain from calling his friends speech a “happy effort.” A woman who remembers last Sunbut is unable to speak understand! ugly of the trimmings on the bounet of tbe lady in the pew next in front. An editor who never feels pleased to have his go >d things credited or mad when tuey are stolen. A pencil that is always in the first pocket you put your hand into. A mau who has been a fool some time in his life aud knows enough to keep the knowledge of it to himself. A married man who does not think all the girls envy his wife the prize she has captured. A married woman who never said, “No wonder the girls don’t get- married nowadays; they were altogether different from what they were when I was a girl.” An unmarried woman who never had an offer. A man whenever intimated that the economies of the universe were subject to his movements by saying, “I knew if I took an umbrellait wouldn’t rain,” or sqme similar asinine remark. | A pocket-knife that is never in “them other pants.”

A mother who never said she “would rather do it herself,” when she should have taught her child to do that thing A father who never forgets that his duties to his children are as many and as weighty as theirs to him. A child who would not between meals than at meals. A converted brother who does not exaggerate his rsaken wickedness when relating his experiences. A person age or sex immaterial, who does not experience a flush of pride upon being bought what he is uot .anti may neverhope to be. A button on the male garmeuture that never comes off except when the person whose mission in life is to sew buttons’on is near at hand with her utensils. A singer who never complains of a cold when asked to sing. A woman who, when caught in her second best dress, will make no apology foi her dreadful appearance.