Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 November 1879 — Page 1

4-a, t - ME LI A BIT REPUBLIC AX. üblished Every Satdrda.t——*T- ' M ERVIN O. CISSEL TZSUS: one copy, one Year.. - ** *• “ six months W “ “ three months. 25 office: In Lepoid's Stone Building, up stairs rear room. ■

A FLOWER FOR THE DEAD. v You placed this flower In her tunul, eon ujT This pore, pale roee in her band ol clay? Rethinks could she lift her sealed eye* They would meet your own with a grieved surprise!. Hhe has been vour wife for many a year,. When cloud* hung low aud when akleawere clear; ... At your feetahe laid her life's glad spring. And her summer's glorious blossoming. Her whole heart went with the hand you won; IT Its warm love warned a* the years went on XT It ehllled In the grasp of an ley spell, What was the reason? I pray you tell. You cannot? lean! and beside her bier My soul most speak, and your soul must bear, If she was not all that she might have .been, Hers was the sorrow—yours the sin! Whose was the fault if she did not grow Like a rose in the summer? Do you know? Does* lily grow when it* leaves are chilled? Does It bloom yhen its roots is winter killed? Fore little while, when you first were wed, Your love was Uke sunshine round her shed; Then something crept between you two, . You led where she would not follow you. With a man's firm tread you went and came: You lived for wealth,for power, for fame; Hhut Into her woman’s work and ways, hhe heard the Nation chant your praise. But ah! Yon had dropped her hand the while. What time had you for a kiss, a smile? You two, with the same roof overhead. Were as far apart as the sundered dead. You, In your manhood's strength and prime; Hhe—worn and faded before her time, Tto a common story. This rose, you say, You laid in her pallid hand to-day? When did you give hera flower before? Ah. well! What matter, when sli Is o’er? Yet stay a moment; youTI wed again. 1 mean no reproach; tisthe way of men. But I pray you think, when some fairer face , , • Shines like a star from her wonted place, That love will starve If It D not fed. That true hearts pray for their daily bread. —Sunday Afternoon.

A SHOWER OF RAIN.

Down came the rain in a pelting merciless shower. - ' - At oqe crowing a miniature lake had formed; several feet in length and breadth, and three'or four inches deep; its shores on every side were mudblack, slippery mud. It was amusing to see the hurrying people drenched, chilled, uncomfortable, lpipatient to be home, come to a dead stop at this one cntssing aud hesitate, with faces expressive of digust and dismay. What chance had Ethel Thornton’s poor little weary feet, so small, so miserably clad, in such a slouch as this? " * She glanced around despairingly. And the next moment shafound herself lifted in a pair of strong arms carried high and ary over the mud and inire, ami set down on the other side while her rescuer, ruis-ing his dripping bat, with a pleasant bow aud smile, passed quickly op his way. Bbe stood where he had placed her, as if turned to stone, following his fast disap|>earing figure with her dark eyes, her hands wore clasped convulsively, the color was flaming in her cheeks under her wet black veil. « “It was Frank!” she gasped. “It was Frank himself, and he held me in his .arms and never knew me.” A quick sob buret from her lips. O hard, hard fate, to meet thus —so close —and part Without a word! Her lover—her promised husband o one year ago. Just then her foot struck against something hard. She stopped and picked it up—a large pocket book. “Frank’s!” she said, quietly ans hopelessly; then tflie wiped it tenderly with her' handkerchief, pressed it to kf>r lips, and slipped it into her oosom As she did this she threw her veil aside, for the tears and rain nearly blinded her. I doubt if Frank would recognized her, eveu if he had seen her face —it was not so worn and wearv-look-ing, and stained by the wet black veil. Not much resemblance there to the pretty, piquant, blooming girl whose love he had sought so eagerly a year ago; not much in her appearance just now to atempt any man to woo her. 80 thought Mrs. Benton, the landlady, as she let her in, and stared at her utterly drenched condition. Glad indeed was Ethel to reach the quiet of iter own room —glad of the cup of tea her mothbr gave her—glad to lie down and rest. She groped blindly to her little desk and put the

pocket hook away. “To-morrow she whispered to herself —“his address will be iuside—l'll send it back to-morrow.” Then siukiug wearily on her bed, she murmured: “Mother, I feel so strangely. I wish —now —that I had taken —your advice, and stayed at home to-day—” The words came - faintly, in low, broken gasps, from her parched lips. She lay without speakiug for some time, and thsn articulated. t “I failed again—no work—no hope—no—” Her eyes closed, her voice ceased, she fell back, burning and shivering. The poor child had contracted a serious illness in that merciless shower of rain. Meantime Frank Merrifield was an- . athematizing bis ill luck in losing a valuable p cketbook with bills, receipts, money—all sorts of important matters in it. “It must have been when I carried that girl over the muddy eroding. I had it the minute before, and missed it shortly afterwards. Confound •my quixotic folly 1 Why couldn’t I miud my own business and' let her alone? Poor little thing, she looked so wet aud miserable, and something about her aomel ow reminds me of—s*He >aused and leaned his head upon bis bauds in p&infhl thought. “Why cau’t I ever forget her? Poor little frail, false heart, why can’t I let her go? Why does her sweet face haunt me everywhere—not bright and •parkling as I used to-know it, but pale aud reproachful looking? Reproaching me! Ab, Ethel, how much ljoved you! How happy we might have been to-day had you only been He aroee with an impatient gesture, as of one who, hy an effort of will, puts Vain regrets aside. “How to recover the pocketbook? uTbat’l the present question. There was moDey in it; the tluder is welcome to (hat; the bills and papers are what I want, and—her portrait. Yes—there’s no use in denying it to myself, I am fqbLenough to care for that. I’ll adTertise in the papers. Confound that •bower of rain!” l. # * • • « • *

THE RENSSELAER STANDARD.

VOL X

“Throe weeks, mamma? Throa weeks lying'' here delirious. Why, what could have made me ao ill?” My bead Lb bo strange. I seem to forget everything.” Mrs. Thornton gazed anxiously on the girl’s wasted sac as white as the pillow on which it lay. "You got badly drenched and chilled in rs shower of. rain!” — , “A shower of rain?” The weak voice rang oat clear and strong—the dark eyes flashed excitedly, she clasped her hands, while.'® vivid crimson suddenly dyed her cheeks. “0,1 remember it all now. Please reach me my desk!” Then she told her mother her adventure in the rain, and drew out of the desk Frank’s pocket book. “Three weeks ago. In all probability he has needed it. We must open it mamma, to find his address aud send it back to him at once.” Mrs. Thornton looked pityingly at the flushed, eager face and trembling hands. She shook her head doubtfully and sadly, and said: “You love Frank still, Ethel—now don’t you?” No reply in words, but the noor pale face was hidden upon the pillow with a great sob, and a little hand stole iuto the mother’s pleadingly. Mrs. Thornton caressed the hand and put it to her lips. “If he were worthy, dear, I should say nothing, but he abandoned you, Ethel. 0 child, where Is your pride? You are hoping against hope, my tlaugbter. It would be cruel mme to encourage you. Mr. Merrifleld could have found you had he wished; our address was left. for all who might en-' quire for it. He has not even written to you since your fortune was lost. I remember well that his last letter arrived just as we were going to your cousin Et’iel’s wedding—that was just a week before our trouble came.” Ethel made no reply. Her face was hidden again, Arid sobs shook her slender form. Mrs. Thornton continued: “Would that you had never seen Frank Merrifleld! He forsook you in poverty, aud even when the far greater sorrow of your poor father’s death came upon us, he gave us not one sympathizing word. O, Ethel, think no more of him, but rather try to reward the pure and devoted love that has S roved so true a iriendjto us. Dr. ones has been like a son to me through all your sickness. S«jrelv, in time to come you will get over the infatuation for one so uuworthy, and reward a devoted love as it deserves.” Ethel looked up wearily. “I dou’t love Dr. Joues, mamma, though I esteem him, and am grateful; oh! verj grateful for all his goodness to us both. But I shall never love ny i man but Frank! Some day I will tel the doctor so, and then —if he chooses to accept esteem aud gratitude—l will for your >ake. mamma—” She stopped, and quite broke down in a storm of sobs and tears. Her mother soothed her, and preseutlv she became calmer. “Don’t let us talk of it any more,” said she, sighing. “Bet us find his address, aud him his pocketbook.” So they opened it and examined its contents. Notes, bills, memoranda, receipts, a considerable amount of money, but no address. At last in an inner pocket they found a letter, and in it a photograph. Ethel took it out; it was her owu picture. “Mamma, mamma, look here!” and the poor girl’s trembling fingers clutched at a scrap of newspaper tliut was fluttering to the floor. “O, what is this?” Bending their heads together they read the following notice: “Married —On June 4th, at Grace Church, Henry Rollins, Esq., to Miss Ethel Thornton. Immediately after the (ceremony the happy couple started on a bridal tour.” Mrs. Thornton looked up in bewilderment. “Why, what is this doing here?” said she. “It’s the announcement of your cousin Ethel’s marriage.” “Yes, yes! and Frank thought Pit was mine! I’see it all now—he has believed me false to him? Oh, my noor Frank! he has been suffering too! The photograph—see, what is" that written underneath it in his own

handwriting. Oh, look!’ 1 “Wert thou but constant tbo« w.rt perfect —that one error Fills thee with faults.’’ “Oh, my poor Frank!” cried the happy, weeping girl. “Oh! why were cousic Ethel and I named the same? And Frank never met her. Don’t you see, mamma, bow the mistake has occurred? And it might have remained unexplained forever but for that shower of raiu! Look at that letter, mamma I must find his address now.” The letter was examined, and, happily for all, supplied it. Next morning a little note came by mail to Frank: “Sir—My daughter, whom you kindly assisted during a shower of rain three weeks ago desires to restore your pocketbook, which she found. Sickness has prevented our attending to this earlier. Please call at your earliest convenience, and inquire for Mrs. Thornton.” - An address was given. Mr. Merrifield stared at the name. “An odd coincidence,” thought he. “There are plenty of Thorntons in the world, of course,” and he set off to reclaim his property. A lady in deep mourning received him; he stared violently. “Mrs. Thornton!” he cried, “can it be really you?” and stopped oonfused and angry. She was perfectly self-possessed. “I thought you would have recognized the name,” she said, quietly, “though our circumstances have made a change of residence necessary. It was Ethel whom you carried across the street; she has been 111 ainoe then, or ” He interrupted her in surprise: “Ethel ill!” “Ethel whom I carried!” Then getting more and more bewildered. “I thought that Mrs, Rollins was abroad. I understood ” “Mrs. Rollins! Oh, certainly! Mrs. Rollins was my niece. I was not aware you were acquainted with her. It was of my daughter Ethel I was speaking.” Frank started to his feet excitedly. > “Your daughter Ethel? What does 4 this mean ? 1 heard she waa married.

RENSSELAER, INDIANA, SATURDAY., NOVEMBER 8. 1879.

Oh, madam, hare pity on me—l have been deceived? You know of ourlove and our engagement. Are there two Ethels, and can mine still be true?” A cry answered him —a cry from the next room Mrs. Thornton flung open the door. “Go to her,” she whispered. The next iustant Ethel was clasped in her lever’s arms. Who shall describe this meeting? Suffice it that they were as happy as they had lately been miserable; all misunderstandings were cleared away, and confidence returned. “And as soon as you are strong and well again we will be married my darling,” said Frank. • “'Thank God for the storm!” cried Ethel, earnestly. “And God bless the dear muddy crossing! Oh, Frank, it see ms to me that—under Heaven’s mercy—we owe all our happiness to that shower of rain!”

Gold Coinage.

The Philadelphia Mint having had to bear the greater part of the burden of silver coinage since the passage of the Bland Bill, it has but little time lo spare for coining gold. No gold of the smaller denominations has been coined here within the last year. The Government, however, has at command in such coin a stock of at least $1,000,000 in this city, and the mint is sending to the bank daily an amount varying from $20,000 to $50,000 in small gold. Chief Coiner Bosbyshell and Cashier Cobb say it is probably that the coinage of a considerable amount of small gold will begin at an early date, as it is expected that the United States Treasure will soon be able to purchase iu the West for the San Francisco Mint a quantity of silver sufficient to relieve the Philadelphia Mint of the “Daddy” dollar. The price of silver in the West has been so high as to cause the San Francisco Mint to stand practically idle until its recent commencement to coin small gold.

The law requires the mints to coin $2,000,000 of the new silver dollars a month. The Philadelphia Mint has has coined nearly $1,800,000 a month for a considerable time. a The daily amount required from it is $70,000, and yet it has a capacity for only $50,000. Hence the inability to coin gold. The Chief Coiner says if this was subsidiary silver —that is, silver in denominations less than a dollar, this miut could coin gold between times. Of the six mints in the cruntry, this one has the heaviest part of the work. It is the nearest to London, where the Government buys most of its silver, it being cheaper there than in this country; besides, silver can be bought in Nevada, brought here, coined and shipped back again cheaper than itcan be coined in the Ban Francisco Mint, because supplies and everything are cheaper here than in California. New Y’ork, having no mint, only an Assay office, has over $3,000,000 in gold here awaiting coinage, but under the circumstances the mint cannot attend to it. If about two months’ relief from the Bland dollar were allowed this mint, the Chief Coiner thinks that the demand for small gold coin could be satisfied.

How Old is Glass.

Sunday Review. The oldest specimen of pure glass hearing anything like a date is a little molded lion’s head, bearing the name oi an Egyptian king of the eleventh dynasty, in the Slade collection at the British museum. That is to say, at a period which may be moderntely placed as more than two thousand years B. C. f glass was not only made but made with a skill which shows that the art was nothing new. The invention of glazing pottery with a film or varnish of glass is so old that among the fragments which bear inscriptions of the Egyptian monarchy are beads possibly of the , first dynasty. Of later glass there are numerous examples, such as a bead Jouud at Thebes, which has the name of Queen Hatasoo or Hashep, of the eighteenth dynasty. Of the same period are vases and goblets and many fragments. It cannot be doubted that the story prepared by Pliny, which resigns the credit of the invention to the Phoenicians, is so far true that these adventurous merchants brought specimens to other countries from Egypt. Dr. Schliemann found disks of glass in the excavations at Mycense, though Homer does not mention it as a substance known to him. That the modern art of the glassblower was known loug before is certain from representations among the pictures on the wails of a tomb at Beni H assan, of the twelfth Egyptian dynasty; but a much oiderjpicture,which probably presented the same manufacture, is among the half obliterated scenes in a chamber of the Jomb of Thy, at Sakkara, and dates from the time of the fifth dynasty, a time so remote that it is not possible, in spite of the assiduous researches of many Egyptologers, to giv« it a date in years.

The New Liquor Law Proposed in England.

Hew York Sun. Much interest has been excited both in Great Britain and this country by the method of dealing with the liquor question practised in the Swedish city of Gothenburg. There reason to expect that some modification of the Gothenburg plan will be adopted in the United Kingdom, since it has been warmly commended by a committee of the House of Lords specially organized to suggest some practicable remedy for intemperance. < The inquiries instituted by this Committee seem to have been of the most extensive and careful character, and the taking of evidence has occupied more than two years. The report begins by conceding that the liquor 3uestion in England demands immeiate solution, and that individual and national ruin is threatened by the already excessive and rapidly increasing consumption of alcoholic liquors. It takes for granted, however—and the repeated votes on Sir. Wilfred Lawson’s bill justify tire assumption—that a general prohibitive measure, even if desirable, could never be passed in England, and need not, therefore, engage the attention of practical legislators How best to control and curtail the public sale of liquors was the object of their inquiry; and with that

view they scanned the workings of the various systems by which the bestowal of licenses has been adjusted or restricted, and among others that of “local option” followed in some of the United States. The latter method was not approved by the Committee, on grounds identical, it seems, with those recently announced by the well-known Liberal, Mr. W. E. Forster. During the last session Mr. Forster declared in the House of Commons that to give a local majority power to prevent the innocent use of a given article because some had abused it, would constitute a grave interference with the rights of the minority, not to be tolerated except in matters of supreme political and social moment. As such matters would naturally foil within the scope, not of local but of imperial legislation, it follows that Mr. Forster thinks “local option” even less defensible than national prohibition. It is certain that nothing is more bitter or more short sighted than the squabbles of small communities, or more odious than the tyranny of a petty township magnate. But while Mr. Forster and Mr. Bright, and the great majority of leading men in both political parties, are opposed to prohibition, whether local or national, they are all agreed that communities should have a much larger share of control over the liquor traffic than they at present enjoy in England. Nor is there much difference in ©pinion on the further point, viz: that, granting the necessity of restricting the sale of drink within narrow limits, security should be taken that the monopoly thus occasioned should be worked for the benefit of the whole community, and not for any given individuals. The Committee of the House of Lords proposes to compass such security by recommending that legislative facilities should be afforded for the local adoption of the Gothenburg or of Mr. Chamberlain’s scheme, or of some modification of them.

The Gothenburg system has already been described in these columns, and may be defined as the transfer of the whole retail liquor business in a given town to a private corporation—the com pan y undertaking not to derive any profit from the traffic, but to conduct it solely in the interests of temperance and morality, paying to the town treasury the whole returns beyond the ordinary rate of interest on the invested capital. On the other band, Mr. Chamberlain’s plan, which has been heartily supported in Birmingham, places the liquor business in the hands, not of a private corporation, but of the local representative authorities, who must so carry on the trade, however, that uc individual shall have any pecuniary interest in the sales or derive any profit from them. There is an obvious objection to Mr. Chamberlain’s scheme, which would have quite as much weight, moreover, in the United States as in Great Britain. When asked to define his phrase, local representative authorities, he explained that he meant the town councils of boroughs. Now, the election of such officers, like that of Aldermen in our American cities, is very largely influenced by the liquor interest, aud they could scarcely be trusted to carry out a policy of rigorous supervision. In Sweeden the success of tne Gothenburg plan is largely owing to the fact that tae citizens who conduct the drink trade give guarantees for their good faith by undertaking pecuniary responsibilities on behalf of the community, without receiving any personal advantages whatever iu the shape of profit. Township officers, however, iu England or in this country, w©uld often be under personal obligations to the very elements which, under the Chamberlain project they would be expected to control. It will be observed that both the schemes advocated by this committee are alike in one essential feature, viz : that no profit ought to accrue t® any individual from the sale of alcoholic liquors. There may be a question us to the fittest machinery for completely eliminating personal interest in the trade, but, this object once attained, we know from the experience of Gothr enburg that the morality, sobriety, and physical well-being of a community would be surprisingly promoted.

Francis Bacon and His Warts.

Corn hill Magazine. Francis Bacon supplies a very effective piece of evidence as to the influence of the imagination on external growth which seem to have their origin in deficient vitality of certain parts of the external surface of the body, as warts, wens, and the like. Bacon did not, however, treat the afforded evidence in his own case with the acumen which might have been expected from the inductive philosopher. “I had from my childhood,” he says, “a wart upon one of my fingers; afterward, when I was about 16 years old, being then at Paris, there grew upon both my hands a number of warts—at least one hundred in a month’s spaoe. The English Ambassador’s lady, who was a woman for from superstition,(a statement . which must be taken cam grano), told me one day she could help me away with my warts; whereupon she got a piece of lard with the skin on and rubbed the warts all over with the fat side: and among the rest that wart which 1 had from my childhood; then she nailed the piece of lard with the fat toward the sun, upon a post of her sham her window which was to the south. The suocess Was that within five weeks’ space all the warts were quite away, and that wart which I had so long endured for company. But at the rest I did little marvel, because they came in a short time, and might go away in a short time again; hut the going away of that which had stayed so long doth yet stick me.”

Old Ike Around.

Loaisvlll* Courier-Journal. “Look heah Hanner, you an’ me’s bin gittin’ ’long fo’ nigh onter fawty yeah an’ ain’t never hed a fuss yit, but, fo’ de Lord, es eber I ketches you peelin’ farters an’ scrapin’ de ha’r offen pigs feet agin wld my razer, I’ll wipe dis kitchen flo’ up so clean an’ slick wid you dat de cat can’t stan’ on it. Now you heah Ike a preachin’ ter yer, an’ es you ’spec’ ter go ter heaben wid my good will don’t you pester wid my razer any mo’. Han’ me dem mushroom.” And Hanner pushed the rfiah of fried hog’s ears over to her excited lord and lit out for the kitchen, where she commenced a waltz and song: , An’ he need to aerub de handle •a de big Croat Uoah.

f “THE SKIDS ARE OUT TO-DAY.\» This catching song, ay Dave Brahaxn and Ned Harrlgan, la being hammed and whistled everywhere. For the benefit of the hammers and whistlers we publish the original words: FIKJST VERSE. Brighten up yonr uniforms, Pat sweet oil on yoar hair, _ Go tell de colored neighbors. Go tell it everywhere, Dls great or-gan-l-satlon De cream la cream, dey say, March on for emancipation— De Skids are oat to-day. Chorus—names flying, wenches sighing, Children cry ha-ha; Stop dat cart, don’t yon start, Do yon hear me, say? Phew! phew! Dandles, Ain’t we hot? Hue—hay, Goodness sake, we take the cake— The Skids are oat to-day. First Time—Many a night since last we met Beneath the old pine tree, Twas then I told my tale ol love, How happy I would be. BECOND VERSE. Yaller boy with Ice-water, To help you to a wet, • And ready with a duster To brush de epilet; Fat wenches like de ocean Roll perfect on mas—say, Keep time to de motion. De Skids are oat to-day. Chorus as before. Seoond Time—ln de skies de bright stars glit-ter-glitter, On de grass de moonllgnt shone, At an August evening party-party, I saw my Nelly home—saw her home. THIRD VERSE. Go spread the news promlscous, Go bid oar girl ta-ta, Go tell dem we are coming And please to fetch mamma; Hang oat de starry banner And let de music play, Tell Chloe, Sue and Hannah The Skids are out to-day. J lie peat Chorus.] Third Time— My Jane, my Jane, my dearest Jane, Oh! never—*Vhat, sever?—look so shylook so shy; But meet me, meet me in the evening, When the bloom Is hakdlyJkver on the rye— Rock andJßye. FOURTH TERSE. White folks Is mighty zealous, Look out dar on dat flank, Dey turn noses way up At every darkey rook. For skillful revolutions, And tictacs every way. By laws and constitutions The Skids are all O. K. [Repeat Chorus. J Fourth Time— I’mßittlng on the stile, Mary, Where we sat side by side, side by side, On a bright May morn, not long ago, When first you Were my bride—were my bride.

THE HANDSOMEST FOOT.

How the Foot of a Southern Lady Compares with that of a Yankee Lady. New York Sun. A Sun reporter dropped into a Bleecker street shoe store on Friday evening, and saw Mr. Charles Wolf, a clerk, selling an exquisite pair of gaiters to a handsome girl. “What is the largest size of gaiters that you ever sold to a lady?” we asked. “The largest was a pair of nines,” Mr. Wolf replied. “Two sisters—and very pretty girls they are —live not far from here. One wears eights and the other nines.” “How do their hands compare with their feet?” was the next question. “Their hands looked as though they required a gentleman’s kid glove,” said Mr. Wolf. “But they were faultless in shape, and had the sweetest pink nails that I ever saw on a hand.” He smiled as he again referred to their feet. “The oldest sister,” he continued, “tried hard to squeeze on a pair or eights, but without success. Finally she gave me an order to make a pair of nines, and they really look well on her feet. You wouldn’t think they were nines to look at them!” “Were the girls American?” “No,” Mr. Wolf answered. “They are rosy-cheeked Irish girls.” “What is the smallest size of gaiters sold?” we asked. “Number ones,” Mr. Wolf responded. “They were bought by a married lady living in Macdougall street, and thev were actually a little too large.” “iDo you sell many number ones?” “More ones than eights.” said Mr. Wolf. “I have been in the business over fifteen years, and I find that the majorfty of those who wear ones are Southern and Spanish ladies.” “What is the difference between the foot of a Southern lady and the foot of a Yankee woman?” we inquired. “The differenoe is the same as the difference between the foot of a Southern man and a Yankee.” Mr. Wolf replied. “Southern feet are narrow, and bowed in the middle, giving them a very high instep. The Yankee foot is spread at the toes, and has more surface. You, for instance, have a genuine Yankee foot. The distance from bunion to bunion—l beg pardon, from the joint of the big toe to the joint of the little toe—is much greater than that of a Southern foot. There is much grace about the foot of a Yankee lady, but it lacks the suppleness of a Southern foot. Its merits are its exquisite shape, small heel, and strength. Compare tiie walk of a Southern women with a Yankee woman. The Yankee lady has a short, springy step. The little heel first catches the sidewalk, and the gaiters sound like the dick of a telegraph instrument. The Southern woman walks languidly, and makes long steps. The feet make the difference. Let a Yankee girl attempt the step of a Southern lady, and she would turn her ankle. There is only one woman ki the North whose foot will compare with the Southern foot.”

“Name her,” said the reporter. “The Jersey woman,”said Mr. Wolf. “The true Jersey woman has a foot on a par with that of a Kentucky belle. I can’t imagine where she gets it, but she has it* One would think that the descendants of the Aquackenonck Dutch ought to have splay feet, but it is not so.” “Numbers of the Aquackenonck Dutch marriage among the French Huguenot families of Btaten Island,” the reporter remarked, “Isn’t it possible that the mixture of the Mood may have something to do with the size of “That’s so,” replied Mr. Wolf. “I never thought of that One thing is certain. I never saw a prettier foot than the foot of the blue-blooded Jersey woman. They would go into a salt cellar. It’s worth a trip to Jersey just to look at the feet of the women.” “How do the feet of the Jersey men compare with them?”

“Good Lord!” exclaimed Mr. Wolf. “Don’t talk about it. The real Jersey man has a foot like a griddle. Pat a brick in a glove box, and it would lay clean over the foot of a Jersey man. If there is any one man in this world whose foot Is uglier than that of any other one man in this world, that man is a Jersey man.” Here a customer entered the store, and Mr. Wolf turned his back upon the reporter and concentrated his powerful mind upon a new subject.

A Strange Mystery.

While wandering along the west bank o' the Alamo ditch yesterday morning, a little girl observed something which she took to be a dog on top of the water and lodged against a growth of vines that dipped the current. The child imparted the information of her disoovery to her mother, who soon appeared upon the scene ana discovered that the object was the body of a child. Without disturbing it, the woman at once took steps to inform the authorities, and Justice (Shields, accompanied by Constables Bader and Anfeerson, and the Express reporter, repaired at once to the locality. Dr. Chew, acting County Physician, was found awaiting the arrival of the officers when the place where the body was found was reached. The body lay, as stated, drifted against a growth of vines, the face downward, the back exposed and baked to a dark color by the sun, while the sides were covered with worms. After the jury, consisting of J. J. Dwer, Peter Ankerson, Peter Jonas, H. J. Huppertz, D. M. Alexander, and J. T. Reed, had been sworn, the body was carefully taken from the water aud laid upon the bank of the ditch and examined. The body was abont eighteen inches in length, and was that of a perfectly formed female child. It had evidently been destroyed immediately after its birth, the proof of this being unmistakable. It was observed, as the body was taken from the water, that the face, breast and legs were covered with something, which was thought to be mud, aud a bucket was sent for to obtain water to wash the body with. As soon as water was poured upon it, however, it was discovered that the supposed mud or filth was a coating of hair or fur, which, after being cleansed of the discoloring matter which it had gathered in the ditch, was found to be of a light gray or cream color. The furry excrescence on the cheeks and about the shoulders was fully a half-inch in length, and resembled much the fur or hair of a young woolly dog. Dr. Chew stated that it was not uncommon Jot children at their birth to be spotted with hair, ‘but he had never seen any instance similiar to this. The hair, the doctor remarked, was shed soon after birth. The body was so decomposed that it was impossible to tell positively what nationality or race the child belonged to. though it was thought to be the offspring of white parents. E zldently the child was thrown into the ditch by its father, or some one other than its motUer. It was probably regarded by its parents as a monstrosity—a “strange freak of nature” —because of its being covered with a coat of fur like Esau of old. No post-mortem examinatiou was had, as was necessary, to prove from the state of the child’s lungs whether it had been born still or alive.

The following verdict was rendered by the jury’of inquest, after hearing all the evidence it was possible to obtain: “We, the Jury, say that the said unknown child came to its death by drawing, at the hands of unknown parties, in the Alamo Ditch, in the city of San Antonio, near the railroad depot, on, or about, the 16th day of September, 1879. —[San Antonio j Tex.) Express.

Valises That Look Alike.

Burlington Hawkeye. If the trunk manufacturers do not quit making so many thousands of valises that look alike, somebody is going to get into some awful trouble about it sometime, and some trunk maker will be sued for damages enough to build a Court House. The other day an omnibus full of passengers drove up Sown from the union depot. Side by side sat a commercial traveler, named William Macaby, and Mrs. Winnie C. Dumbleton, the eminent lady temperance lecturer. When the omnibus reached the Barret House the commercial missionary seized his valise and started out. The lady made a grab after him and he halted. “I beg your pardon,” she said, “but you have my valise.” “You are certainly mistaken, madame,” the traveler said, courteously but firmly, “this is mine.” “No sir,” the lady replied firmly, “it is mine. I would know it among a thousand. You must not take it” But the traveler persisted and the lady insisted, and they came very near quarreling. Presently one of the passengers pointed to a twin valise in the omnibus aad asked: “It isn’t mine,” said the traveler, “it is just like it, but this is mine.” “And it isn’t mine,” said the lady, “he has mine, and I’ll have it or I’ll have the law on him. It’s a pity a lady can’t travel alone inthis country without being robbed of her property in broad daylight.” Finally the traveler said he would open the valise to prove his property. The lady objected at first, saying she did not want her valise opened in the presence of strangers. But as there was no other means of settling the dispute she at length consented. The traveler sprung the lock, opened the valise, and the curious crowd bent forward to see. On the very top of everything lay a big flat flask, half full of whisky, a deck of cards and one or two other things that nobody knows the name of:

The traveler was the first to recover his self-possession and speech. “Madame,” he said, “you are right. The valise is yours. I owe you a thousand apolo—” But the lady bad fainted, and the traveler re-locked his valise with a quiet smile. Early in the afternoon a sign painter down town received a note in a feminine hand, asking him to come to the Barret House to mark a red leather valise in black letter a foot and a half long. Thk largest block of granite ever quarried in New England been taken out at Woodbury, Vermont. It was 230 feet long, 13" to 18 deep. 15 wide, weighed 4,000 tons, and required 673 wedges with 50 pounds of powder

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NO. 21.

Let a man who is without any shins throw the first stone. “First come first served,” as the cannibal remarked to the missionary. You’ll always find a good looking lass in in close proximity to a good looking glass. We would not advise you to go all the way to Kansas Topeka a quarrel with any body, * The Utes object to being civilized, and the white men on the border object to being Utelized. A poet sings, “And I covered her up with a kiss I gave.” He must have been a coachman aud put her nnder the ’bus. “Say, Johnny, what time is it?” “Eleven o’clock and three laps.” Then Johnny got one lap—with a slipper. “Waiter?” “Yes, sir. “What’s this?” “It’s bean soup, sir.” “No matter what it has been. The question is: What is it now?” ‘T‘here, now,” said a little girl, rummaging a drawer in the bureau, “Grandpa has gone to heaven without his spectacles.” This life may be, as stern moralists say, all a fleeting show, but it is an exhibition from which deadheads are rigidly excluded. “I will tell you,” says a rabid freethinker, “the idea that there is a God has never come into my head!” “Ah! precisely like a dog. But there is this difference—he doesn’t go round howling about it.” The following verse "contains every letter of the alphabet: Except with zeal wo strive to win God’s Just and holy love, We cannot conquer strife and sin, Nor walk with him above. “Somebody’s coming when the dewdrops fall,” she was softly humming, when the old man remarked, “An’ you bet yer sweet life, Maria, that he’ll think a thunderstorm’s let loose when he gets here.” ! , A McGregor (Iowa) merchant who is bored with loafers sitting on his dry goods boxes, last week hired the deputy sheriff to rush by his store double •quick. They all rushed after him, when the store keeper took his boxes in. Boys don’t be deceived. A girl who will talk of the “limbs” of a table, will after marriage, chase you all around the ragged ratal parts of a two-acre lot with a rolling-pin and a regular kerosene conflagration in both eyes. —The flower’s wilting In the mead, The grass is getting crisp, And through the trees at eventide The tender breezes lisp ; While on the stoop at half-past 10 George Henry fondly whlspErs sweet things to Geraldine. “Whisper what thou feelest,” said a sentimental youth as they sat on the front stoop one warm summer evening. And the romantic maiden whispered that she felt as if she had eaten too many cucumbers for supper, and thought she had I better go iii the house.

great many people resemble Louis.in their religion. He made to the Vl rgin Mary a present of the whole county of Boulogne, but retained the revenues thereof for himself. In this, equivocal way we are willing to givel our lives to the Lord. - 4 It was a waggish magistrate Whereto was brought a sinner, Wbo’d sadly thrashed the maid he loved Because he couldn’t win her. Reflectively, yet much amazed, The Judge repeated dryly, “Alas! that he should lacerate The lass-he-rates so highly.” Sidney Smith could not let slips chance to make a joke, Rev. Mr. Selwyn departed as a missionary for New Zealand. Smith took him warmly by the hand and said: “Good-bye, my dear Selwyn; I hope you will not disagree with the man who eats Bright young man, in restaurant, makiug out an order for supplies, writes “Bologna.” “Jack,” says a bystander looking on, “why don’t you omit ‘og’ from that word, and save ink?” “Because,” was the tuick reply, “that wouid be leaving out twothirds of the hog.” “Gem’len. de man who am alius talkin’ nebber talks anyfing worf bearin’. De man who am alius advisin’ nebber has advice worf heedin’. Let doze folks who suffer wid cold feet come an’ ax your advice, an’ den you’ll receive due credit for knowledge an’ wisdom. We will now adjudieate to our homes.”

’Tis night. Two lovers lean Upon the gate; A nearing form is seen. ■ ' it is their Cate. A piercing scream from her Th 9 welkin rent It was, as yon infer, Her pa-ri-ent. The lover sought to scoot, Alas! too late; He’s hoisted with a boot Beyond the gate. He is a very small boy, just bey sa the limits of babyhood. His precociousness is well recognized by those that know him, and sometimes people try to comer him in a logical way. The other day some one took him up and asked him If he was papa’s boy. He answered yes. “Are you mamma’s boy, too?” “Yes,” replied Charley. “Well, how can you be papa’s boy and mamma’s boy at the same time?” was asked him. “Oh,” replied Charley, indifferently, “can’t a wagon have two horses?” That settled his questioner. When the notes of the triangle gave warning for the hour of closing, Brother Gardner said. “My frens, de man in ' disguise am de chap who doan’t take comfort. Be what you am, an’ nobody else. Doan’ pucker your mou& lo make em look small, nor pinch your feet to lessen de bulge. Tryin to pull on a No. 1 kid glove ober a No. lOhanc am on a par wid spendin’ all yer money for bacon an’ den jain’ de ole woman ’cause ye haven’t got ’taters, Dat’s all jist now, an’ we will get under our hats an’ impeach de meetin’ for a week.” Neatness in the Sick Boom. Disorders are at ail times aud places demoralizing; and nowhere witn the same impress, as in the sick room to a depressed invalid. The kind mother, sister or nurse, who moves quietly about the sick room, arranges the furniture and pictures in the room, tidies up the bureau, arranges the vases with fresh flowers, and her own toilet, so as to appear inviting and cleanly, does as much for her invalid as the physician does for his patient. These are as reIquisite to a speedy recovery, as the sunlight is to the growth of plants and development of flowers.

CONDIMENTS