Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 October 1879 — CONDIMENT [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENT

At the dose of the sermon the Elmira clergyman grew enthusiastic. “Judgment! Judgment!” Jte cried. The eternal small boy near the door hollowed, “Out on fint!" and immediately disappeared. ’ On the river: “What’s the matter, Alfred? Yon look uneasy,” “Well, my wife, who is fond of swimming, dived off* the boat some time ago, ana has not yet oome to the surface; I am afraid that something must have happened to her.” “How long has she been under?” “About two hours.” • It hss been discovered that celery is a sure cure for rheumatism. We see accounts of wonderful cures effected by it going the rounds of the papers. None of them state who made this wonderful disoovery, but we rather think it was some man wh<f had heaps of celery for sale. It nearly is always that way. . '£ h ?. 8 9 uire (engaging a new butler) “Well, I dare say you’ll do; but, look here, Richards, I may as well warn you that I often get out of temper with my servants, and when I do I let ’em have it hot—making use of devilish strong language, you know.” New butler (with quiet dignity)—l have been accustomed to that from my Lord, the Bishop.

()h, youth, with a sand-pa pared pate. The night lx dark, the hour lx late. Why do you linger on my gate?” “I stay to help your daughter hold This gate upon It* hinges old ; Oo in, old man, you’re catching oold!” The old man sought bis little bed £, nd ? n , lt lald hla Patient head; “1 think my gate & safe,” he said. “Stop ze moozeek!” shouted Prince Perrino, rushing frantically through the hall of his villa. “Ze partie heia U P~owe of ze guests iusolt my vise!” But before the ladies could get their shawls the Priuce came runniug back, saying: “Nevermind; you dunce pleutee more. Eet is all right—ze gentleelman say he did not know it was my vise.” A bee flew ont In the sanny air By a boy so blltli.and young Who laughed and screamed without a care. And would not hold hlB tongue. T Tl.^«ni l , t ®?? uged; w lth sob and shriek rii© vault of heaven rung; A ?o. homeward flew the bee so meek, » While the small boy held his stung! Jennie McGiivery says she “cuts her tomatoes iu two aud fries them slowly on both sides in butter and lard.” Well, now, Jennie, who under the sun cares if you do? They’re your own tomatoes, aren’t they? You have a right to slice them in two and dry them in lard or you can sit down on them, or you can lire them against the end of your neighbor’s barn to see them “bust." We set ours out on the cistern box for five minutes the other d&y f And a hungry tramp came.along and ate them all up. This Is .a household department, but if it is to be filled up with accounts of what people do with their tomatoes, it might as well be shut up, for it has outlived its usefulness. * Mrs. Goodington has been shopping. “The clerks" she says, “treated me with the outermost condensation 's long's they could get anything ont o’ me; but no sooner had one of ’em found out that two yards of c&liker and a hank o’ yarn was all I wanted, then he began screaming out ‘ Cash!” afore he’d half done ’em up. I Jest told him that if I didn’t have a tail two yards long a dangling to the eeud of my gown and a bonnit on the tip eeud o’ any pug, I wasn’t to be insulted by a popinjay like him. He looked cbeap enougb, I can tell yer, aud tried to make an’ explication. But I guess they don’t think much on him iu the shop, for no sooner did I take my puss out o’ my ridicule than up steps a raal purty little boy, no bigger *n our Steve, and lakes the money right out o’ the hand of that sarse box. •