Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 September 1879 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

No bald-headed man was ever Converted by a sermon during the fly season. When yesterday I asked yon, love, One little word to say, Your brother Interrupted ns; So please say yes-ter-day, A Pulaski hoy recent!v swallowed a penknife. Although not quite out of danger, be finds some consolation in the fact that the knife belonged to. another boy. “The man who fell off the fence into the brambles was much nettled by the occurrence. We hope thistle be appreciated,” says a punster. Weed have said the same thing. A Canadian girl carried a twentyfoot ladder 100 yards, placed it against a burning house, climbed up, and— Well, she didn’t putout the'fire. She fell backwards on a man and nearly killed him. We know a girl who will wrestle with a croquet mallet in the hot sun for hours and not complain. But just ask her to hold on to the wooden end of a broom for a few minutes and she’ll have a fit.

Economical: Young Wife (shopping) —“l’m giving a small dinner to-mor-row, and I shall want some lamb.” Butcher —“Yes ’m; forequarter o’ lamb, ’m?” Young Wife—“ Well, I think three quarters will be enough!” Eulalie’s sweet poem entitled “The Cucumber’s Victim,” has been received, and is respectfully hut firmly declined, on the grounds that we cannot encourage a muse which makes “really gorgeous” rhyme with “cholera morbus.” , ’D*fa» dot vay since I vas a schtldt, My hopes dey alvas go dedt; I nefer lofed somebody’s vlfe Oxcept dot feller proke my headt, I neber trained a rooshter nb To lick dot neighbor’s goose nex’ door, Bat vhen he’sh ready forder chob, * By Bhlngool be don’d Ilf no more. Lo, the poor printer, sitting on his stool, dissembleth slyly with his stick and rule—sogers all earnestly o’er this and that, with one eye peeled upon the hook for sot; or, waiting for copy, o’er the stone he stoops, and two-em quads in hand, be jefis for dupes: If the person who sent us the following conundrum will forward his address, he will hear of something to his disadvantage: “What is the difference between a slice of ham and a newlymarried woman running off with another fellow? Ans.:—One is being fried, and the other’s a fleeing bride.” “Gentlemen of the jury,” said Mr. Phelps to the twelve men or Worthington, Minn., who had convicted his daughter Qf selling cider without a license, “all I’ve got to say is you’re a set of jackasses, and you may wave your ears over that solemn truth.” Mr. Phelps was fined $lO for contempt of court.

Last year a man patented a fen which, fastened to the hack of a rock-ing-chair, was made to work by the motion of tixo choir. This your some one has fashioned a fan whose motive power is the sewing-machine; and next year we see no reason why a combined fan and fly-brush should not be invented, to be attached to hoardinghouse tables and operated by the inmate strength of the butter.” —He was a worthy pastor, Who saw with grief and care, His congregation go to sleep, j Or—which wa£ worse—elsewhere. He pondered long and deeply, This wise and pious man, And at last hiton a simple And most effectual plan. Next Hmulay, of his sermon The text wheh he had said, He slid down the pulpit stairs And stood up6n his head. By thousands flocked the people That preacher great to hear, And the trustees raised his salary To seven thousand a year. Old Phineas Rice was one of the quaint types of itinerant Methodist preachers. He had a hard path to cultivate once, and when he made his report to the conference following he reported the church “looking up.” The Dishop presiding expressed his pleasure, but asked for au explanation, cause no one expected sugseso -Ibk that parish. Dr. Rice was equal to the occasion, aud added: “WeiT,-bishop, the church is on its back, sh.d can’t look auy other way.” Theresas a roar of laughter all oyer the conference

The Right of Privacy in the Delivery and Receipt of Letters. Washington Dispatch. < In a matter involving the question whether a postmaster is required under the laws to testify ih a judicial proceeding as to who rerfpi a box in his office, who took the letters from it, etc., tending to show what became of certain correspondence, the subject was referred to Assistant Attorney General Freeman, of the Post Office Department, and he has advised the postmaster should not be required to answ.er the inquiries. He says: “The Postmaster is an agent of the Government, and there is no relation which the Government sustains toward the people of such high trust, aid of such peculiar and confidential a character as that which it sustains in the transmissions of sealed communications. The name of the person addressed is written on the outside of the letter for one purpose alone —that of enabling the postmaster to deliver it to the proper person. For

any other purpose the postmaster is presumed to have no knowledge of the address. Not only so sacsed does the law regard the right of private and confidential correspondence that it requires letters addressed to a particular box or place to be delivered at that particular box or place, even though directed to uo particular person, thus enabling parties, if they choose, to protect themselves against the unlawful disclosures of any one holding the mail.” • * * He recommends that the postmaster appear, and, if required to purge himself of any supposed contempt by the statement that tlm questions addressed to him relate to matter* within his knowledge only in his official character acquired in the discharge of hi&fluty as postmaster, and not in his individual capacity as a private citizen, and that by the law and the regulations of the department, which have the force of law, he is forbidden to answer the questions.

Pastures which are not closely grazed send up seeds stalks early in summer, the ripening of which exhausts the soil and plants, and prevents the animals from reaching the fine grass beneath. Bypassing the reaper, set ten or twelve inches high, over the pasture as soon as these stalks are thrown op, all the above-montion bad effects are prevented, and a handsome, even surface of green herbage is presented to the eye. /