Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 August 1879 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Whirled without end—the waters of Niagara into Lake Ontario. The girls have a new scheme of flirting with their parasols. Tite boys return itwith their canes. Sometimes the old gent takes a hajid in ike game. He flirts with his boot. When a Chinaman makes love to a girl, he doesn’t rave about his heart panting for Iter. Ac. No, he simply tells her he loves her better than he does rate, and abe believes him. “The more sldrtee the Melicau man get washee, more money Chinaman j- “•***” to the way an almond-eyed Philadelphia lauudrvtnan translates‘Cleanliness is next to godliness.” j He was a disgusted boy. He had exercised great caution, and had finally succeeded iu crawling unobserved, under the canvas into the tent. And he found it was not a circus, but a revival meeting In progress. CaQ yo ° "** by dawn ’ 8 eerly ' a l ffllc, f d “ much at the moonlight’s Hie neighbors’ eats mixed in a terrible fight. And waking us all with their terrible 0c reaming, bare, tbe yard covered with Uive proof to the boose that the fight was just tnere. -’:j “Pat,” said Snogglethorpe, who is fond of lining high-sounding phraseology, to his man-of-all-work, “I’m going to town at ten o’clock, and shall weed out the cucumber beds in the interim.” “Interim,” thought Ffct, 'that’s a mighty quare name for a garden anyhow!” “Is Mr. Snogglethorpe at home?” asked a visitor, who called shortly afterward. “Yls, sorr; ye’ll find him at work in his interim there bey ant, so ye will.” Didyou«ver notice the broad, comfortable, shabby looking Leghorn hate in the millener’s window. Just buy your wife one, and the first thing she will do with it will be to double up her dainty fist aud punch a three-cornered dent on the right side, then she will pinch the front rim down and the back rim up, and then stave hi three or four more big dents at odd oornere, and wjien it resembles in shape an old tin pan that Las been a target for a stonethrowing match, she will remark upon the “elegance aud grace” of the affair. But let Johnnie serve his new straw hat in the same way, and be will be stood up iu a dark closet and forced to go without strawberry shortcake for supper. At a Southern camp-meeting, held many years ago, were two ministers who were mutually antagonistic. One •f them, Brother Davis, had a wooden leg, and, when he was especially wrought up, would emphasize every word by thumping it on the platform. During one of the sessions of the camp-meeting, when tne public tent was crowded, and Brother Davis was exhorting with all the energy In his power, Brother Jones appeared with’ a : gold-headed cane. Pointing his long, tx>ny finger at him, Brother Davis exclaimed. “Brother Jones, there’ll be no gold-headed canes in heaven!” “No,” said Brother Jones, angered bv the sudden attack, “and no woodenleggea preachers there, either.”