Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 August 1879 — Little Johnny’s Philosophy. [ARTICLE]

Little Johnny’s Philosophy.

There was a dog, and there was a cat, and there was an ox. The dog it sed to the ox, the dog did: “That’s.a mity long tail you got there, mister, with a nice tossle to the end, but you can’t waggle it wen you meet your master.-*’ Then the cat it sed to the ox, too:' “No. iudeed, and you can’t bio it up like a bloon wen you git mad.” * Then the lam it sed: “You ain’t able for to twinkle it, either, wen you think of something funny.” The ox he thot a while, and bime by he spoke up and sed his ownself: • “I plade hooky wen I was a little boy so much that I dinent learn them vain accomplishments, that’s a sack, but I got a tolably good bisness edecashun, and I gees mebbe you fellers .wude have to cum to me for to hellep you out if you had to fil a order for ox taiLsoop.” Wen Mister Gipple was in Africa lie seen sum natif niggers wich • is called Hottentops, and they likes their beef raw, like dogs, and he see em cut it ors of the cattles wile they was a life and bellerin. And sum or the cattles had ben cut up a good deal that way, but not ded. One day the King of theHottentope he see Mister Gipple, and he sed, the King sed: “Did you see any cattles long the road you cum? Cos mine have strade a way and I can’t find them.” Mr. Gipple he sed: “Yes, tir, jest over be yond that hill is a porterhouse stake with one home broke ors, and bout a mile further long yule find a rib roast eaten the , , er ®i ant l nearby I seen too houtches of bull flting sum soop bones, and onto the other side of the spring I guess yule see a liver and sum tfipe a laying in the shade and chewn their cuds.” But Mister Brily, the bucher. he nock em onto the head with axes and cut their throte in a minnit, and me and Billy we say hooray. Cows is beef, and a calef it is veal, but little pigs is mutton. One time I was in Mister Brily’s shop and he had cut ors a pig’s hed and set it on the top of a barl, and ole Gaffer Peters he cum in and seen it, and he said, ole Gaffer did: Brily, yu.e pig is a gitting

Mr. Brily he luked, and then he sed: ® a^er t you jest take that suck and rap him onto the nose fore he can draw it in.” So Gaffer he took up the stick and an ook up reel sli, and fetched the pig’s bed a regular nose wipe, hard as ever he cude with the stick, and nocked the pig’s hed off the barl, and you never seen sech a stonish ole man. But Mister Brily he pretended like he wasent a lookin, and old Gaffer he sed: “Mister Brily. you must xcuse me, but wen I struck at that pig it dodged

* nd . ?, ut it’s bed off agin the edje of the barl. —[ban Francisco Argonaut.