Rensselaer Standard, Volume 1, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 July 1879 — Page 1

113.® Staa3.cLa.rd_ RELIABLY REPUBLICAN. —Published Every Saturday,— -BTMEBVIN O. CIBBEL. TEBMB: One copy, one Year ® 9® M three month* ■ s> Okric*:—lnl Leopold’» stone Building, np Rtalrs, rear room.

■ THE MOWING. The clock baa struck six. And the morning l* fair, While the east in red splendor is glowing. There’s a dew on the grass, and a song in the air— Let us np and be off to the mowing. t'' Wouldst know why I waitEr* the snnllght has crept O’er the fields where the daisies are growWhv all nlfcht *&e kept my own vigils, nor slept? Tis to day is the day of the mowing. This day and this hoar Maud lias promised to tell What the blush on her cheek was half showing.^ If nhe waits at the lane. I’m to know all Is And there’ll »«e ft good*Ume at the mowing Mand’s mother has said, And I’ll never deny, 'That a girl’s heart there ean be no knowJ- ‘*- illK* ' Oh.il care not so live, and I rather would die, If Maud does not come to the mowing. * What is It I see? *H» nsiireen of brown tialr ■ lu the lane where the popples are blowing, Thank (Jod! It Is Maud—she 1* waiting me there, * Aitd there’ll be a good time at the mowing. Six year* have passed by, And 1 freely declare That I scarcely have noticed their goings Hwcel Maud Is I* my wife, with lier shreen «*f brown hair, And we had a good time at the mowing, i Harper a Magazine.

CUPID BLINDFOLDED.

“Young man, you want to get married. You will never amount to anything till ycu get a wife and settle down to u sober, earnest life ” “Oh, yes; the old story Why, sir, I have been having that kind of advice poured into my ears ever since I was 20, and now Itere I am 30 ami still a bachelor. To tell you the truth, I want to marry, but who the deuce t shall I have for a wife? Once 1 was romantic and all that, but I determined I should never marry until 1 was in love, but 1 have gk*r over all that, and now I should be content to find a woman with a faih amount of good sense, education aim congenial to my own.\ L ” “All bosh —bosh. I tell you, Hal, your first idea is no more nonsensical than your last. Marry, and you will leant to love your wife soon enough. Marry, and treat your wife in a sensible sort of way, and congeniality will in gmsl time. And the sooner you marry, tbe sooner will you find hive and good-fellowship springing up j between you and your wife. Put it on too lhng, and you will get so dead set ih your ways that no woman oivearUi can live with you.” I tfas talking with an old friend of mine, John Freestone. It“ was not our first conversation on the subject, I hail visited the old gentle- ' man| at his house, seeu him in the mid.qt of ills family, with his amiable wife land bis delightful children, ami had pfteu thought, “All, could I but find kuch a woman, so fitted to my disposition as was his wife to him, and, 1 find,!too, such a sensible and accomplish hi lady, how quick would I lie a caud idate for matrimonial felicity!” “I tell you, Mr. Freestone,” 1 said, 1 “cou id I be as fortunate as you were in seeui lug a wife, you would not long (see ii lea bachelor.” “Jbst the case in point,” said he, “100 l ;ing at me and Polly I suppose you rould think that we fell desperately in love once, got married and neve r outgrew our honeymoon. I will take my own ease to Illustrate my argum< lit. “T venty-five years agt* I came to Wesi ern Pennsylvania u young man, veryipoor, and stopped at the village of L-?-- I engaged board in a family at,52.50 per week and started out to look tbr a situation. Among others, I applied to old John Roberts, the owner of a large mill, a general village store, • and t| large amount of real estate. He hiredjrue for sl2 a month to work iu the tifill. I worked for him a year at this rate as a common mill hand. Thengpe set me to work iu the office, help |him keep his books, collecting and aiich like. I worked another year for mm in this capacity for S2O a mona. •“At about this time he removed me to Ui4 store, and gave me all his books , to and as he was getting alougin yearsTleft a great deal of his business for ms! to do. I also began to board in his fckmse; I got S4O a mouth and board! I was then 24 years old.

“Otje day Polly—that is my wife and ray employer’* daughter—came home from pchool, where, truth is, she had learned a great deal more of foolish pride and vanity’thau of books. She was very pretty, and all the town beaux were ioon at her feet. I did not like her very well, nor did she me. The old gentleman did not like her ways either, and, though he did not say much, I felt convinced he was worrying a great deal over her. After she had been home nearly a year, she had formed an mtimate acquaintance with a young fellow, an insurance agent, from New York, a flashv young chap, with not much brains. The old gentleman detested him, aud I—well I sel-dom-thought of him. “At* the end of my third year with Mr. Roberts, he took a great deal of pains going over the books with me, aud examining them alone very closefy. This annoyed me somewhat, as J leared /that he suspected my honesty. He then began questioning me very closely about all the various brauches of his business. I was affle to satisfactorily answer all questions. Ht last he began Questioning me concerning my own affiurs. 1 owned that this rather nettled me. However, I submitted to him my private books, and as I bad been been very economical and saved up most of my earnings, 1 was able to make a good showing.

“Conscious innocence made me feel perfectly at ease through this ordeal but for the life of me I could not guess what he was driving at. Then came two or three days of sober abstraction on the part of my employer, which mystified me. “Oue day Mr. Roberts called me into his private office, and said: ‘John, I have been examining you pretty closely for the past few weeks, and, as you must know, have been thoroughly satisfied. Now that I amgetting old, my large property will weary me to look after. You will soon be wanting to bra nch out for yourself, with a view If bettering your circumstances. But don’t want to lose you. I have a Scheme which, if it operates well, will settle all my prospective difficulties and reward you well for your labors in the past and in the future. “ have only one child, and that is

THE RENSSELAER STANDARD.

VOL I.

Pony. She will get all my property. Af* long I live ldo not fear of her doing anything foolish, but when I am gone I am afraid Home adventurer, like that shallow-pated insurance agent, will marry’ her for ner money, squander it and make her miserable for life. “ *What I want is for you to marry Polly, and take the responsibility o her future and of my fortune on your hands.’ - J “I was thunderstruck. I had ijever dreamed of such a thing. I told, Mr. Roberts so. Then I intimated that Polly might object. ‘Not a bit of it, if her father says so,’ he claimed. ‘But,’ said I, «‘it will be wrong for me to marry’ her without loving her.’ ‘{Hold on,’ said he, ‘don’t be so quick about that. Do vou know that you don’t love her?’ I ‘But you don’t dislike her .” Canaidly, I confenned that I did not approve of her manner altogether. I “‘No more do I, but I loye her all the same because she -te my daughter, and so will you some day, because she ! wiU be your wife —that is, after slit has got all the nouseuse rubbed out of her. “To shorten up a little, Mr. Robert* soon over-persuaded me,and I promised to marry Polly, if Polly’s cousentslijould be obtained. 1 , “The next step was to win “oily over. This my obliging would-be father-in-law undertook. Polly objected, as we both expected. She, however, had too much good sense to be deeply in love with the fop insurance agent, and after confessing her indifference to him and all other men; her father had a light task to win her heart, convince her good sense, and at |last gain her consent to hisjplans. j “Polly dearly loved her father, jand as she told me it was for his sake that she accepted me. She warned hue, however, that she would be a very troublesome wife. I told her thehi if aught of trouble did come it would] not be from a lapk of good behavior kindness on iny part toward her. ] “Well, we were married. At (first we were very prosaic in our mode of life, but no ill-natured words ever passed between us. Then her, father died, but we both mourned him from i the depths of our hearts. After that came a snort period of restlessness for Pally. The only living which my wife pad ever truly loved had passed away,hikl with him the restraining influence of affection. Polly began to pine. Hhe felt our marriage but as a bond. 'J'lds caused me many an anxious day, bpt I let her feelings have dean sweep.] 1 never intruded on them, and unly(addressed her when I knew my’ adpice would be kindly received, or whdn I knew it was necessary to restrain and curb the spirit of the young girl] for such she still was. Sometimes she Heap almost harsh toward me, but these occasions were always followed' by periods of repen fence. “At last our first child was born. l Iu tbe joint affection for the little stranger, our hearts began to open, not oulyflpr little Bessie, but for each other. The feeling of maternity had the effedt of quelling the spirit of unrest in Pigly, and gradually she began to warm toward me, ami I toward her, am| before the baby was six months old these feelings had ripened into perfect adbration on my part for my beautiful ljttle wife, and of pride and pure womanly Tove on lier’s for me. “\Ve became spoons of the most Pronounced character, and the honeymoon which rose at the birth of Bessie, twenty years ago, lias never set. ‘ “And now, Hal, I have a proposition, to make to you. I like you. I tl>ink you are just "the man to make Bfssie happy, and I know Bessie is fully capable of making you a good wife. Think it over, my boy, and see if you can’t make your old friend happier than ever now.” Since our conversation I have been thinking over this propiisition. I have almost decided to tell my kind] old friend that if Bessie is willing I am. But how surprised she will be. ISlie looks on me as being such a very old bachelor that I am perfectly harmless, and for the last twelve years she) has been making me tbe confident of all her joys and sorrows, of all her. Uttle love affairs, especially of the last, wherein if her heart was nut, her pride certainly was, almost broken, at (disco vering that the dapper young dry goods clerk, with whom she had been going to parties, theaters, and balls tor the last six months, had actually married a servant girl. I must strike while the iron is hot, and I think Bessie will have me.

The Nautch Dance.

There is a quiet smile going around about General Grant in India. The smile began in Calcutta, came to London via Paris, and it is only fair it should be passed on to America. Hpeaking of the Nautch dance at Jeyx»re, attended by General Grant, the Jerald’s reporter says: “The girls wore heavy garments embroidered” and adds: “The Nautch dance is meaningless. It is not even improper.” The fact i 9 the dance was marte dull aud respectable for the sake of the Grant party. When the Prince of Wales was ou* there and went to see the dance it was not considered necessary to be so careful, and the Nautch girls entered on their ballet in their usual costume; which above the waist consists oqly of jewels. They danced, too, sos the Prince like mad! The Prince of Wales was “highly delighted” by the Nautch siris,5 iris, and did not, like our ex-Presi-ent, wear an expression of “resSgnatiou tinted with despair,” nor did he, like John Russell Young, suppose it a religious ceremony. The feeling which the Hindoos thus exhibited of the differences to be recognized between what is proper for a Prince and what for an American President may, after the smile has passed, suggest a thought to the political philosopher.

Nobody here, not even the pious papers, called the Prince to account for countenancing the Nautch dance and its nudities; out had General Grant been equally free-and-easy the incident might have become a factor in third terminology. Not only so, but here in England a similar distinction is recognized between royalty and nobility, and the middle and lower classes. Gladstone, Bright or Forster would be socially ruined by having associated > with them stories which are freely .connected with princes and with lords and ladies without serious injury. “That in the captain is but a choleric word which in the soldier is flat blasphemy.” So in deeds as well as words the privileged class is privileged even in its relation to the moral law. Notwithstanding the good personal cßar-

RENSSELAER, INDIANA SATURDAY, JULY 12, 1879.

’ acter of Queen Victoria the English aristocracy bears a reputation not substantially different from what it bore in peril sis now called licentious. The Thackerays of th« future will picture these idle upper folk pretty much as their forefathers are-pictured. Long residence in this country has gradually induced me to regard “Henry Esmond” as nearly the best English novel. Tbe sad way in which her beauty worked out for ’Trix her destiny is often repeated iu the case of beauties who approach too near the dazzling flame of the high idlers of the summit, brought up with a feeling of immunity not only from ordinary morals but sometimes from those of honor. The death of poor Mrs. Rousby, the actress, when hardly out of girlhood, but old in sorrow, ends a melancholy story. She belonged to a high family, being niece of Baron Douse, but being straitened iu means she went on the stage In Plymouth. Mr. Rousby, manager,, of a small theater in Jersey, persuaded her to elope with him, and she became the theatrical star in that little island. Tom Taylor, the playwright, on a summer tour there, saw her act, and knew that her talent and beauty meant gold in London. She and her husband were easily persuaded to come, and Tom Taylor, being at the .time theatrical critic on the London Times in Oxenford’s absence, did not fail to make her debut and first engagement a great success. Strange to say, the first impression she made as an actress in London was in a play (I have forgotten the name) •in whicn a simple rustic maiden resists, with horror, the advances of a licentious duke. But, alas, that which the poor girl could do so bravely on the stage, she was inadequate to in private life. She speedily lound that her beauty was better stock than her talent, and after that discovery was made her talent, little by little, left her. Next it was found that with innocence and girlhood half her beauty was gone. And finally tbe proud, privileged gentility, to w'hicb all had been sacrificed, left her for new favorites. The cup that holds fiery waters of forgetful to the lips remained her only trienA until a better friend came to vouchsafe the draught of Lethe. To all the splendor amid which she glittered for a time she had already been sometime dead.—[M. D. Conway’s Loudon 1 etter iu Baltimore Gazette.

Narrow Escape of an Aeronaut.

One of the most extraordinary escapes from death ever recorded occurred on Easter Monday to an teronaut named L’Estrange. In the presence of thousands of spectators he made an ascent from the Agricultural Grounds, on the St. Kiida road, in the balloon Aurora, the same, it is said, which was used to convey dispatches during the Franco-Prussian war. When the balloon had attained the great altitude of a mile and three -quarters it suddenly collapsed, the gas bursting through its side; but the parachute came into play, and, instead of the wreck falling like a stone, it came down in a zigzag course, and finally struck a tree in the government domain, thus breaking the fall, and L’Estrange reached the ground half stunned, but alive. The excitement when the balloon came down was intense. Women screamed and fainted, some fell on their knees, with their hands clasped in prayer, while hundreds of meu rushed into the government domain expecting to find a mangled body, but to their astonishment they discovered L’ Estrange alive, and almost unhurt. The escape was -certainly one of the most marvelous ou record. The balloon used was an old oue, and L’Estrange patched up some rents in the morning, but the direct cause of the catastrophe was the inexperience of the aeronaut, who did not allow for the great expansion of gas consequent upon his rapid ascent. L’Estrange is a good deal bruised, and he has sprained his right arm, but he is in high spirits, and talks of making another ascent if he can patch up the Aurora, or obtain a substitute. —[Melbourne Argus. «•

A Very Lucky Shot.

In the middle of the fight at Rorke’s Drift when the Zulus had fired the hospital, a rush was made by a band of the enemy to fire the storehouse, the other building which outlasted the defence. As fast as these Zulus came on with firebrands they were shot down, but one managed to escape the fire and get In close to the wall of the store house. The defenders, with their rifles through the loopholes, could not slope their weapons to kill him, and it seemed as if his purpose of firing the thatch on the roof of the house should succeed. Fortunately a young corporal of the Army Service Corps named Atwood bethought himself of a plan to rid the camp of the Zulus. As luck would have it, there was a small square hole in the wall which had been used as a window, and the Zulu happened to be below this. Atwood, with his carbine, made his way to this hole, and, pushing out his his weapon, let it hang, pointing to the ground. It was impossible to take aim in this awkward position, so he trusted to his fate. The Zulu had by this time struck a firebrand on the end of hfc assegia, and was in the act of raising up to set fire to the thatch when Atwood, not seeing the Zulu at all, but knowing about his position, fired the carbine with his thumb. The shot probably, hi fact, saved Natal from an invasion of the Zulus. The Zulu at daylight was found on the spot with his skull smashed in and the assegai, with the firebrand stuck on the end of it. held tightly in hisdead hand.-r-[Edinburgh Scotsman s Durban Letter.

Murder Will Out.

The'devil takes vfery poor care of his servants, and there seems to be a sort of fatality about the discovery of great crimes which justifies the old saw that “murder will out.” For instance, Covert D. Bennett and Jennie R. Smith, lately tried in Jersey City for the murder of Jennie’s husband, could hardly have been convicted without tile evidence afforded by an eight-page letter written by Bennett to the woman while they were both in prison, the torn bits of which were picked out of the sink, where she had thrown them, by a halfcrazy old woman who was her cellmate, and given to the prosecuting attorney. It is unaccountable that any man in his senses would under such circumstances write a letter which, if discovered, would be Lis sure death warrant, and still more unaccountable that an intelligent woman, such as she showed herself to be on her examination, should fail to destroy such a document when received. But they did just those two things, and so unwittingly brought themselves to justice.

Over Niagara Falla.

Buffalo, N. Y. f June 21, 1879.—Another sad catastrophe occurred at Niagara Falls this morning, which resulted in the going over the falls of Mrs. A. Rowland. Mr. and Mrs. Rowland arrived at the Falls on the 18th inst. from the West. They registered at the Falls Hotel as Mr. and Mrs. A. Rowland, 24 Rue Magnan, Paris, France. They took rooms at this house, but had their meals at J. B. Romain’s French Restaurant, on the corner of Main and Falls street. They had visited the various points of interest at the Fails several times, and seemed to have enjoyed themselves vary much. It was their intention to leave fit noon to-day for New’ York. Tickets by railroad had already been purchased; thence they have been intending to take the first steamer for France. After breakfast this morning thwr thought they would like to see the Jfills once more, and started oat. They Walked leisurely to Goat Island Bridge, which they crossed, taking the right hand road on the opposite side, which led them to Luna Island. They stopped at the Cave of the Winds, but concluded after reaching there not to go through. They then wentouton the point w’here Terrapin Tower used to stand, thence they turned to the Three Sister Islands, which they reached about 9:30 o’clock. They crossed to the third island, went down the steps to the right, where they met two gentlemen coming up. They also saw’ a boy getting water out of the river at the end of tne third island, where the bank is a little more than a foot above the water and Where the rapids are exceedingly swift. At tliis point they stood for a few moments enjoying the scenery. After the two.gentlemen and the boy had left Mrs Rowland asked her husliand for her ocket cup, saying she wished to get a drink. Mr. Rowland took a small silver cup out of a leather case that he had in his pocket and handed it to her. He then walked away a few steps and took a view’ up the river. His wiie in the meantime went to the place where she had seen the boy dipping up water and attempted to fill her silver cup. In doing this she must have lost her balance and fell into the seething rapids. „ As she fell she uttered a frightful scream, which caused her husband to turn about, and, seeing his wife struggling in the water, he rushed to the bank, but she was out of his reach and beyond all human aid. After seeing his wife pass from his sight in the boiling. seething rapids, he turned and ran lieariy the whole distance to the French restaurant, where he dropped completely exhausted in a chair. He groaned and wrung his hands when tiie proprietor, Mr. Romain, came up to him and asked what the matter was. He replied, “My wife is gone under the water,” and, when he nad recovered his breath sufficiently to talk, related the sad occurrence. Mr. Rowland is a manufacturer of firearms, his place of business being at No. 51 Boulevard De Arroy, Liege, Belgium. He is about forty years of age, tall and in delicate health. His wife was about thirty-five years of age. They were married two years ago, and after visiting the Paris Exhibition, started, in October last, for a pleasure trip around the world. Going through the Suez Canal, India, China and Japan, they crossed the Pacific Ocean to San Francisco, visited Chicago, and, as mentioned above, reached the Falls on the 18th. Mr. and Mrs. Rowland could only talk English a very little. They were noticed to be quite loving, and the theory that was first started, that fhere was a suspicious look about tbe affair, finds no credence among his French friends. Mr. Rowland seems to suffer intensely from this sad affliction, which, in a moment of his great happiness, deprived him of his faithful and loving wife. He will remain at the Falls for a week in the hope of recovering the body of his wife. He will use every effort to fiudxhe body, and, if found, will take it to France. —[New York Herald.

A Handsome Indian Maiden Said to be heir to an Immense Fortune.

General Alfred Sully, who ‘died recently at Fort Vancouver, on the Pacific coast, left a very valuable estate in Philadelphia, inherited from his father, and also a considerable sum of money he had accumulated in his long army career. The Philadelphia estate alone is worth several hundred thousand dollars. It is now said that the only person to whom any part of Gen. Sully’s large fortune of right belongs is his half-breed daughter,'Julia, at present living with,White Swan’s band of YanKton Indians, eighty miles above this place on the Missouri, and making her home with the family of Colin La Mont, also of mixed blood. Those who knew General Sully well while campaigning against the Indians of Dakota, say that at his death he had no wife nor any issue living except this girl, and steps will soon be taken to establish her right to the fortune. The marriage of General Sully, according to Indian custom, with tliis girl’s squaw mother, is susceptible of proof, and it is believed that it will be difficult to invalidate the claim. General Sully’s daughter, who is well known to those who have traveled through the Missouri river or in the great Sioux nation. She can not talk the English, and her habits are thoroughly aboriginal. The daughter of the late General Sully was frequently seen by the writer, while engaged in surveying the Yankton reservation. Having occasion to stop at the house of Colin La Mont, the girl’s handsome appearance attracted attention, and La Mont was asked if she was a daughter of his. La Mont said, “No, sir; she is Sully’s daughter, and if any of you men had seen Sully, you would say she bears a strong resemblance to him—[Yankton Herald.

A Rare Surgical Operation.

Dr. A. W. Smyth performed recently another operation which for a second time places him ic the front rank of living surgeons. In the first operation for aneurism of the subelavian artery, he stands alone; the second, a removal of a floating kidney, has been performed twice—once by a German physician, and the second time bj Dr. Smyth at Hotel Dieu, less than two weeks ago. * The patient, Madame Honorette, of Galveston, for eight years has suffered from what was believed to be an abdominal tumor, which seemed movable, could readily be felt with the hand, and gave considerable pain and much uneasiness. Three operations were performed. At the first an incision was made in

the front of the abdomen, but the oper a tors failed to discover any tumor and sewed up the incision without relieving the trouble. Another surgeon inserted a tape into what he believed to be a tumor, keeping it in its place. This, in time, gave way, and two other surgeons in attempting to substitute a new one, broke their needle, of course failing utterly in the operation. Mrs. Honorette came to New Orleans and visited the Charity Hospital several times. Physicians there diagnosed the case to be a floating kidney, and not, as she supposed, a tumor. The lady exhibited not only the utmost courage, but was extremely solicitous to have another operation performed. At length, after a good deal of peisuasion, ana after having informed the patient that the operation had been successfully performed but once in the world, Dr. Bn\yth consented to under take it. The lady, by previous engagement agreed to be at Hotel Dieu on Tuesday June 3, and reached there before Dr Smyth and the medical gentlemen who witnessed the operation arrived. She manifested not the slightest tremor, assuming the position indicated ty the surgeon.- Dr. Smyth made an incision in the lumbar region, about two inches from the spinal column, took out the light kidney, found to be loose, and sewed up the wound. It readily healed, sloughing off the silk thread on the eleventh day, and yesterday morning Mrs. Honorette walked to church. She is entirely restored to health, and walks without pain.—[New Orleans Times.

An Africanized Irishman.

McCarthy, the recently captured chief of the Umzuzi tribe, a tributary of the great Gwazi people, was a draper’s clerk iu Limerick in the year of the Fenian rising. He had a relative, a constable of police, who warned him that his name was on the Castle books, and that if he wanted to preserve his liberty he had better leave the country. McCarthy fled to the South African diamond fields, where he prospered, making two profitable investments in London. He also contributed some readable sketches to the London Globe. Somehow or other he picked up with the natives, and being of a bold, adventurous disposition, and already reduced to a half savage state by his occupation, he ended by joining the Umzuzis. When the chief of that tribe died, MoCarthy was elected to the position, w’hich he secured by killing, in single combat, half a dozen pretenders. He made an effort to introduce Christianity.. but failed. He has a white wife, daughter of a rich Boer, who eloped with him some time ago. The lady’s father would be glad to receive his. sbn-in-law, but the Irish kaffir re fused to desert his adopted people. It is feared it will go hard with him on court martial for McCarthy, as a combination of Fenian and Zulu, can hardly enlist the friendly admiration of his captors.

The Princess of Zanzibar.

In a Berlin police court, not long, ago, a servant girl was accused by her mistress of gross negligence and disobedience in discharge of her duties. When the Judge asked the plaintiff, a simply but respectably dressed lady, her name, she proudly drew herself up and replied: “I am, by birth, a Princess of Zanzibar.” Her declaration, at first discredited, proved to be perfectly true. She was a niece of the reigning Sultan of Zanzibar, whose displeasure she aroused by a secret alliance with a Mr. Ruele, a native of Hamburg, who had made her acquaintance during his stay on the coast of East Africa. The Princess, who became estranged from her family on account of lifer marriage with a Christian, followed her husband to Germany, where she had, however, the misfortune soon to be left a widow. She attempted a reconciliation with her uncle on his visit to London, but her endeavors signally failed, the Sultan even refusing to receive her. On Mrs.* Ruele’s return to Germany some influential friends of her late husband took up her case and laid it before Government, which, owing to her high birth and merits, granted her a small yearly allowance. She is now living in Berlin and gaining her livelihood by giving lessons in her mother tongue to those consular officials and travelers intent on proceeding to East Africa.

An Astonished Cat.

H. Brossel, 79 East Market street, has a pet cat, or rather had, for the animal has been experimenting with fly-paper poison, and is doubtless dead by this time. The paper was on the shelf overhead, where were stored lasts, pegs, tacks and other trifles common to Brossel’s calling. The cat, while recon noiterlng, touched one fore-foot to the paper and it stuck. The other followed suit, there was a suppressed m-e-o-w of dissatisfaction, and the animal reversed position to retreat, the legs twisted around one another in the eflort foP release. The reversed position placed thp hind feet in similar embarrassment. 'the suppressed m-e-o-w ran the scale of several octaves until it went beyond the upper, and then came a series of wild bounds and ineffectual kicks that swept the shelf and rained the pegs and tacks and other trifles upon the heads of the women below. Losing her balance, the cat also tumbled, and in her gyrations over the floor so enveloped herself with the Eoisonous wrappings that she looked ke a mummy. The good German was scared out of his wits, and for a few moments the shop was the scene of indiscribable confusion.—[lndianapolis Journal.

Recitations in Ancient History.

About the year 752 B. C. the Romans awoke to a realization of the fact that they were almost destitute of wives, and Romulus, who was at that time President of tne republic, called a convention, which “viewed with alarm the womanless condition of the republic.” The chairmen of state and centred committees sent in their reports on the subject, and it was soon ascertained that all the women in the country were in Ohio; that Ohio was just wealthy with women, so to speak. But as the women of Ohio appeared to be unwilling to enter into any entangling matrimonial alliances with their neighbors, Romulus had recourse to stratagem. He began to fill all the offices in the land with Ohio men, and as the Ohio men were very greeay for office, and were ready, willing and anxious to take anything that was | offered them, he had no trouble whatever in doing this. Whenever there

r was a consulate in Madagascar vacant, or a commercial agency in Kamschatka, or a postoffice in Texas, or a deputy collector-ship in Montana or Utah, to be given away, Romulus chucked into it the first Ohio man whose name he could remember. In a little while there was only one man left in the State of Ohio, and he was a deaf old man, with a glass eye and a peg leg, up some where near Ashtabula, and he wouldn’t go out of the State because he was a weighmaster, and didn’t believe there was a better office in the republic. So then, when all the men were scattered from Rockland to Sacramento, the Romans rushed in, collared the Ohio men’s daughters, their sisters and their cousins and their aunts, and married them. The Ohio men were dreadfully angry for a while and disposed, sute nos servis nostris addicerent, to kick about it, but the Romans marched out against then., hujus ergo interfector is esset, and whipped them until they were afrid ipse non Sabines, to say beans about it. And yet this terrible lesson did not seem to teach the Ohio men anything. Twentyseven hundred years afterward, they suffered their State to be depopulated of its male inhabitants by the same old stratagem, without ever pausing to con the lessons of the past, or to think what might not happen to their wives and daughters and sisters. —[Burlington Hawkeye.

Sad Condition of Miss Nellie Cummins.

Ever since the shooting of Porter and Barrymore in Texas, Miss Ellen Cummins, the actress, in defense of whose good name these gentlemen suffered, has been in a bad way from nervous prostration, and her condition two weeks ago was such that even her physicians had little hope of her recovery. It was published in the Dramatic News last week that she was Senniless, and by this means John IcCullough and John T. Raymond learned that she needed assistance. Although her financial affairs were not at such a terribly low ebb as-represent-ed by the publication in the News, Mr. Raymond telegraphed at once that he was willing and ready to assist her. To-day Mr. McCullough stepped into the Continental Hotel, where she has been stopping for nearly a month, and left word that she should not be called upon to settle any bills, but should have every attention. He also shouldered her doctor bill, which had assumed big proportions. Miss Cummins will not go to Texas to testify at the trial of Curry, which begins next week. Her physicians advise her that to do so would be at the cost of her own life. Although nearly six months have elapsed since the affray of which she was the unwilling witness, and Porter the victim, she has not since that time had one night of uninterrupted sleep. No sooner does she close her eyes then the- most terrible dreams assail her. In these nightmares despair at being unable to escape from some threatening pistol or the bodies of half dozen people bathed in blood fare the prominent and horrible features. Frequently at night she springs, screaming, from her bed, and still sleeping from very exhaustion, rushes through her room until ft wakened by her attendant. Unless she is much better her physicians will strictly prohibit her going to Marshall at all.—[Cincinnati Enquirer.

A Flirt at the Theater.

She sat in the front row of the parquet circle the other night, and when she wasn’t flirting with the gentlemen whose faces she cauld see, she was discussing the people on the stage. She was a beautiful blond, with dark brown eyes, and her face attracted much attention. A fair, white skin, rosy dimpled cheeks, lips like the cherries that grow nearest the sun, in the top of the tree, pearly teeth, the regular rows of which “showed themselves whenever she chose to let her musical laugh be heard (which was often); and a pretty shaped head, crowned with a wealth of golden hair and thecunniugestof hats. She talked aloud, and even made up faces at the gentlemen who stared at her. Ordinarily, such a character, even though a female beauty, would have been unpleasant at the theater, but somehow, everybody seemed pleased with the lady. If T. G.’s glass did not deceive him, she was about four years old. The only portion of the play she seemed to understand and appreciate was a love-making scene. When the laughter that followed the exit of the lovers in the play had subsided, the little one turned to a young lady and said in a perfectly audible voice. “Della, ’at’s des ’e way cousin George tissed oo ’e uver day.” The star was much disconcerted to hear a roar of laughter from a portion of the audience just as she made her tragic entrance on the next scene; but her tribulation was insignificant by comparison with that of a certain couple, who will henceforth leave the “little flirt” at home when they go to the play.—[Detroit Free Press.

Miss Neilson as a Popular Beauty.

I Miss Neilson, who has hitherto received in England only the ordinary attention which is due to a good actress, is rapidly becoming the. lioness of the season, vice Mrs. Langtry snuffed out. People will go to the Adelphi to see £15,000 worth of diamonds, who would not go there to see “Julia.” I don’t know how Miss Neilson managed eventually to bestow these diamonds about her dress, but Mme. White, the countouriere, flatly declined to trust her young ladies with stones of such value, fearing probably that even the ease and opulence of a milliner apprentice would not place them quite beyond the bounds of temptation. Tne black horse, black habit, and raven tresses of Miss Neilson which now appear so attractive to the jeunesse doree of the row, will perhaps also succeed in altering the hours of riding. Miss Neilson’s professional engagements force her to leave the park at 5 o’clock, and when the light goes out it can hardly be expected that many will remain to grope in darkness.—[Mayfair. • Conjugal felicity, says the Albany Argus, depends largely upon mutual confidence. “I make it a rule,” said a wiseacre to his friend, “to tell my wife everything that happens. In that way we manage to avoid any misunderstanding.” Not to be outdone in generosity, the friend replied: “Well, sir, you are not as open and frank as I am, for I tell my wife a great many things that never happen.”

Tlxe Sta.X3-d n.xd. RMNBB ML ARM , HTD RATES OF ADVERTISING: Onejoolnmn, one year....- WO 00 Half oolmnn, one year 40 00 Quarter column, one year 30 00 Eighth column, one year.— 10 00 Busnness Cakds. JS.OO a year. Reading notices. _ J 6 cents a line. •f-v JOB PRINTING Of all kinds neatly and cheaply executed Rates on application.

NO. 4.

The postage stamp knows its piace after it has been Once licked. An ancient way of rocking a man to sleep was stoning him to death J v If the planets ever have to give to each other a lift, how much will the sun rays. A new singer hails from Castile, j A soprano, we presume—a castile soaprano, as it were. John Hannah recently died in Alabama, aged 136. That was all there was the matter with John. To what base uses: A new’ variety of dog-leg tobacco bears the inscription: “This sveed buy and buy.” “When a man puts an innocent hen to w’ork over a porcelain egg, Ls he setting that hen a good egg-sample?” It was a Massachusetts tramp who, when caught, stealing watermelons, said he was in favor of greenbacks. A Dutch Judge, on conviction of a culprit for having tour wives, decided: “He hash bunishment blenty; I lifs mitone!” The rooster that will leave his crow half crowed to gobble a worm, may not be a musical success, but we will bet on him for all that.

Mistress: Bridget, didn’t you hear me call? Bridget: Yis, mum; but ye towld me the other day niver to answer you back—and I didn’t. The Utica Observer, observing rows of young men at church doors on Sunday evenings, calls them “dandy lines.” Are they just for greens? An old gentleman says his boy is the champion light weight of the country, for the gas is kept burning in the hall every night for him until 1 o’clock. - Now the Bwell In guard arrayed Goeth forth to promenade, v But wilts neatli the fervor of the sunbeam’s glance, . And so no ills collar and his jacket and Ills pants. - “Yes,” said a Texas lawyer who was defending a murderer, “tbe prisoner at the bar will prove aii alibi. Gentlemen, we shall prove that the murdered man wasn’t there.” Lady (to rheumatic old woman): I am sorry you should suffer so; you should try galvanism. Old Woman: Thank you kindly, mum; lie I to swaller it or rub it in ? Says a sententious writer: “They are never alone that are accompanied with noble thoughts.”. Wonder if he is the party that went off accompanied with our Shakspeare? , r “Johnnie, what is a noun?” “Name of a person, place or thing.” “Very good, Johnnie; give an example.” “Hand-organ grinder; because he’s a person plays a thing.” The New Haven Register pensively remarks that when a baby stuffs his toe into hLs mouth, he little realizes how bard it will be for him in later years to make both ends meet. A tender-hearted woman in Monroe county, Michi, has her daughter play on the melodeon while she wrings a hen’s neck. Probably it makes the hen resigned to its fate. Two deaf mutes were married Wednesday, in Hartford. There is no earthly reason why they shouldn’t slide through life as smoothly as a chunk of ice down a efellar door. A timid Bostonian has married a lady whose weight verges closely upon 200 pounds. “My dear,” said he to her, “shall I help you over the fence?” “No,” said she tohim, “help the fence.”

P/obably no man so fully realizes the hollowness of life and human ambition as the man who ladles a teaspoonful of new-laid horseradish into his mouth; under the impression that it is ice- \ cream. 1 The Burlington Hawkeye says that a man dreads the season far “canning and putting up,” and has long ago found a rhyme for jam that expresses his feelings so well that he never seeks a new one. A young man may do a great many foolish things, but he will never wear a pair of white pantaloons to a picnic but once. He will never the large amount of fun he didn’t have on the first occasion. An editor has one advantage over a king. When an editor goes out riding in his open barouche, drawn by four milk-white steeds, he is never shot at by a Socialist. You have probably remarked this yoursblf. The peculiar characteristic of the; Irish flea is thatyou put your finger on him and he isn’t there. The peculiar characteristie of the Russian Nihilist is that you put your finger on "him and you are not there. We are never weary of reading a good epitaph, one which indicates the work of a lifetime, in a few short, crisp words. Here is one, for instance, which was inscribed on the tomb of a cannibal: “He loved his fellow man.” Mr. Talmage was warmly received by Mr. Tupper. “And dp I behold those eloquent legs again ?” exclaimed Mr. Tupper, with tears in his eyes. Then, turning himself around and assuming a couchant and expectant attitude, he added : “Please kick me."

When a man is standing with one foot on a truck and the other on a case on the sidewalk, and the horse suddenly starts ana causes him to open like a pair of shears, the rapidity with which he can’t decide what to do is one of the most insoluble phenomena of human nature. ‘j ' When Benjamin Franklin was an editor he was in the habit of writing _ to the young ladies who sent in poetry, saying in honeyed language that ow ringto the crowded state of his columns etc., but he would endeavor to Circulate their productions in manuscript. And then ne tied the poems to the tail of his kite for “bobs.” A legal gentleman met a brother ' lawyer on Court street one day last week, and the following conversation took place: “Well, Judge, how is business?” “Dull, auU: I am living on faith and hope.” “ very good; but I have got past you, for I am living o“n charity.” . # Many years ago in the city of Cohoes, a German one day sat down to dinner, and found no bread on the table. Calling his son, he said: “Hans, go you queck by dot grozery und fetch me some pred,” “Vat kind of pred do you vant, fader!” asked the boy. ’The man, who was hungry, exclaimed: “Vv any pred: it makes me not any difference.” So the 1 boy got a long, peculiar looking twisted loaf, which has ever since been known as Vienna bread.

CONDIMENTS.