Rensselaer Republican, Volume 27, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 March 1896 — FUNCENT PARAGRAPHS. [ARTICLE]

FUNCENT PARAGRAPHS.

—Wfttfs —“Do jou tiffink a x>an can be a Cbrirtian oxi a dollar a day?” Potts—“l diMi't see how he eon afford to beanythiug ahte.”—lndienapblia JourftM37~ —Walta**—“How did you feel the first tisi* y*a got into a barber’s chair far a shave?” Ferry—“To tell the truth about it, 1 felt like a bare-faced fraud.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. —With ft Comma or Without.— •Wasn’t h* put out when you told him he couldn't have a kiss?” “Oh, no! He just took it a* a matter of course.” “Ah! ho took it, as a matter of course, did he?” —Blobb*—“What nonsense it is for th* newspapers, in their accounts of weddings, to describe the bride being led to tb* alter.” Slobbe—“How so?” Blobbe—“Well, most girls could find their way In the dark.”—Philadelphia Recerfl. ■' —H* (confidently)—“By Jove! lAn tell you, the woman who could make a fool o’ me isn’t living.’’ She—“ Poor thing! What a satisfacton it must be to you that she so thoroughly accomplished her mission before she died!”— New Budget. , —“So you’ve taken to cycling at last, have you?” ,“How did you find that out?” “I saw you on your wheel yesterday.” “By Jove! I’m glad to hear that. All the rest of my friends happened to see me when I was off.”—Richmond Dispatch. —Great New York Editor “What does thi tr reken.'n ? Why was my editorial on the decadenee of journalism left over?" Trembling Assistant—“ Please, sir. so much room Was taken up by the ’How to Eat Corned Bed? Hash’ symposium.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. , —A scientific writer put out flaming handbills,; headed ’’Know Thyself.” A wag aeon called on the lecturer and told him he was inducing a great many people to form acquaintance* of a very toworder. Th* lecturer looked at the wag a moment and said: “My friend, you are right; but it never occurred to meuntil 1 saw you.” —Teacher —“Polly, dear, suppose I were to shoot at a tree with five birds on it and killed three, how many would be left?" Polly (aged six)—“Three, please.” Teacher—“No; two would be left.” Polly “No, there wouldn’t. The three shot would be left, and the other two would be filed away,”—-Phil-adelphia American. : —“There is some excvse," said the police judge, “for a man becoming exasperated by the strains of a hand organ, but to rush out and attack the musician with an ax is carrying things with a little too high a hand.” “I know it is, jedge,” pleaded the man who had never been in a police court before, “but when, a blame dago comes and stops in front: of the house jist after a man has had an argument with his wife about whether he gits an overcoat or her s cloak and begins playin’ ‘Home, Sweet Home,’ it is more than flesh ah’ blood kin stand!” —lndianapolis Journal.