Rensselaer Republican, Volume 28, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 October 1895 — Driftwood Jones of Astoria. [ARTICLE]

Driftwood Jones of Astoria.

“Driftwood Jones, Astoria,” a chubby, bald-headed little man wrote on the register of a down town hotel yesterday.” ' ' “Never heard of me, 1 reckon?” he asked, as the clerk filled in the number of his room. “Oh, yes; often, sir,” declared the experienced liar behind the desk.. “You are as well known by reputation, sir, as Flotsom Brown of Eureka.” “Is that so? Well, may be you’ve heard how I got the name Driftwood?” “No, can't say that I ever did. Been floating around a good deal, I suppose.” “No, I’m not much of a floater. This is the first time I've been outside of Astoria in twenty-eight years. Well, sir, I picked up that sobriket by accident. I was running a barber shop in Astoria and,,some smart fellows thought they would play a practical ~oke on me, so they advoriisofLln. the naner that I wanted 400 men with boats. Well, it was just before the fishing season, when boats and men are plentiful and the river is running ’bout full with melted snow. About a thousand Finns, Danes,. Swedes, Greeks, Italians and Norwegians—all fishermen—fought to get iuto ray shop. I knew it wouldn’t do any good to tell them it was a joke, -for they wouldn’t see the point, anil mob me, so I got all down on the wharf back of my simp, climbed up a pile of lumber and addressed them. I reminded them of the fact they were lying idle and wanted work, and told them I would provide them with employment that would be mutually profitable. “‘Now, gentlemen,’ said I, ‘I want you to pick up driftwood on the river. You take your boats, catch all the wood you can ton' up to the beach. There yon can cut it up and I’ll sell it to the steamers and divide the profits even up with you.’ "I toid them to consider it, and blame me if about 300 of them didn’t go to work catching driftwood and giving me half. I made SSOO out of it and ever since they have called me'Driftwood Jones up there.”—San Francisco Post.