Rensselaer Republican, Volume 27, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 December 1894 — “Unheard of Bargains.” [ARTICLE]

“Unheard of Bargains.”

Being the mournful ballad of ye merchantman who tried it and found that advertising does not pay. “The times are hard,” the merchant said, -"I’ll mark my goods way down. And advertise them good and strong, And capture this whole town.” Straightway he seized his Ink and pen, And paper, too. seized he, “ And wrote, and wrote', and wrote again An ad a sight to see. “Unheard of bargains!!” was the head He put upon the ad, Then hied him to the printer-man’s, And hand-bills printed had. Twosturdy youths he next-sought out, And sent them up and down To scatter bills the streets about. And agitate the town. TJutsad to say nd great crowds came To throng that merchant’s store, And trade flowed on about the same _ As it had flowed before. “Oh, foolT was, and fool I am,” The merchantman did say, "Now where’s the man, who says he can Make advertising pay? Then up and spake an honest friend Who knew a thing or two; “Old man, you’ll find out In the end, The trouble’s all with you. “On yesterday, the wind blew high, Your bills, ah where are they? The most of them sailed toward the sky, Caressed by breezes gay. "Unheard of Bargains?” I should say That rather fills the bill. Despite your spread of yesterday, They are unheard of still. "Go, get you to the printer’s shop ’ As quick as you can flee. And In his paper place an ad Where honest folks will see.” The merchant did as he was bld, As he was bid, did he, And now he’s puzzled to get rid / Of all his Spare money. MORAL. A moral for the man whose eyes Upon these lines alight: ••It profits not to advertise. Unless you do It right.”

Printers Ink.