Rensselaer Republican, Volume 27, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 October 1894 — TALK OF THE DAY. [ARTICLE]

TALK OF THE DAY.

Market Report: Stouts are going up . aow. ■ Soup ala Jay Gould —Take a little stock, six times as much water, and then put in the lamb. z . Stranded. —First Thread—“ What’s the matter?” Second Thread —“I m broke.” Busy—First Flea —“How is business?” Second"* Flea— “I’m on the jump all the time.” Too cheap—Customer —“How much Is that - 'ring?” New jewelry clerk •‘lt’s marked 18c. Eighteen cents, please.” The average car horse is a tenderhearted animal. He is always ready 1 to stop and listen to a tale Stranger—“ What, in connection with bicycle riding, strikes you most forcibly?” Bicycle rider— ‘ ‘The road.” His delicate way—Mr. Backstop—“l wish I were Boston and you were New York.” Miss Outfield —“Why?” Mr. Backstop—“ Because we’d be tied now.” First thief —“How is your baby getting along?” Second thief —“First rate! He has got so he reaches out for things already,” . ' Dime museum managers should inaugurate a search for a woman who can pi ty cardsan entire evening without asking ‘ ‘What’s trumps?” One would imagine that counterfeiters were very exact about their work, considering the danger of deflection, and yet they are satisfied if it is passable. Wick wire —“Have you noticed that we have had some beautiful sunrises during the last week?” Mudge—“No, I’ve been going to bed early here lately.” The destruction of the Temnlc of Heaven by fire at Pekin was an un-looked-for event. It was probably not insured, as fire in that direction was not dreaded. Cantwaite—“Say, do you remember that $5 bill I loaned you?' 1 Owen Long “Remember it, sir. I never forget a favor like that. You haven’t got another one about you, have you?” Blotter—.“ Did you read that article from my pen- on the 'Causes of Poverty?’ ’’ Sharpe—“ Yes; a line article. Who held it?” “Held what?” “Why, your pen, of course?” Satisfactory explanation—“ How does it happen that you have your hand in my pocket?” ’ “Oh, pray excuse me, sir, lam very absent-minded. I used to have a coat exactly like yours.” Mrs. Hinton (recently married) “Did you know my husband was very ill?” Miss Carrington —“I suppose he must be, my dear. Before he married you he told me I had broken his lieart.” ' A Young Barbarian: Fond mot,het “Tommy, darling, this is your birthday. What would you like best?” Tommy (after a moment’s reflection) “I think I should enjoy seeing the baby spanked.” A crash!—the foreman stood aghast, With type about. his shoes, Surveyed the fallen form and said—- “ Well, there! I’ve broke the nows.” “The empress of Austria sits alternately on either side of her horse,” says an article on “Horsemanship for Women.” Everybody will be glad to bear that she sits that way alternately and not simultaneously. Subordinate—“ Here’s an article on ‘Pharaoh and Joseph. ” Shall I put it in the local column or, among the Miscellaneous Notes?” Proprietor of Bugle —“Somethin’ about faro, ch! Put it among the sports, or course.” Reassuring. Guest (angrily) “Confound your awkwardness! You’v e rspilFfialf that soup clown my back. ” Waiter at restaurant (hqartily)— “Don’t mind it sir. I’ll bring some more. Bless you, there’s plenty of soup!” Where he put his faith.—Long-suf-fering wjfc —“How do you expect a woman to provide vittals and drink when you don’t bring home no cash Saturday night?” Husband—“ Why, M’rier, the grocer and the butcher ain’t moved, has they?” Mrs. Sadface to. Tommy, who had Stolen a jar of preserves —“My boy, I know you are sorry. I see it in your face.” Tommy (meditatively) “Yes, mamma, I am. There was a bigger jar on the shelf that I couldn’t reach.” He Was in a Minute: He (waiting for an answer) —“Marry me, darling, and you shall never want for anything, although I have a reputation for being rather close.” She (coyly)—“lndeed? I never should have suspected it.” Mrs. Wickwire—“lf woman were given the credit she deserves I don’t think man would be quite so prominent in the world’s history.” Mr. Wickwire— “I guess you are right. It she could got all the credit she wanted he’d be in the poorhouse.” “Forming an opinion: “This,” said Mabel to George, “Is our new bull dog,” and she patted the animal’s head carassingly, “Papa bought him this morning. How do you like himP” “[ dunno,” said George thoughtfully. “Let’s see his teeth.”