Rensselaer Republican, Volume 26, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 February 1894 — AN ANECDOTE. [ARTICLE]

AN ANECDOTE.

"Give instructions to a wise man tnd he will be vet wiser; teach a t«st man, and he will increase in ■earning. ” An antiquarian is endeavoring to prove that the Jews were never in Egypt. Consequently Joseph never was prime minister of that country tnd Mrs. Potiphar never talked nice to the young man and scared him Mit of his coat. ‘ - Persons who use or buy cigar and ligarette holders, apparently of am her or ivory, should Be warned “ot the danger that is probably lurking <n them. The government cigarette works at Paris, France, are now turning out large quantities of these poods made of celluloid, a most iangerous material when exposed to lire. ________ Railway cars are to be cleaned by compressed air, The air is applied from a small nozzle attached to a hose at a pressure of fifty pounds to-the square inch. It is •aid the device is ne plus ultra for the upholstery of cars and the floors •re cleaned with remarkable speed •nd facilitv.

A French savant has perfected a process for photographing at the bottom of the sea. Mermaids can now get their “pictures took” without the purchase of a Worth gown, and enterprising reporters are hopfag to soon secure a photo of a bona fide sea serpent for their papers. The possibilities in this direction are great, and it does seem that there is no depth to which man will not go in search of amusement or possible profit. The Lagrange Democrat is responsible for the statement that a maiden lady of that locality, somewhat advanced in years, while promBnading, found a horse-shoe, which she superstitiously carried home and at night placed under her pillow “for luck.” Upon retiring she, as was her custom, placed her false teeth in the same secure depository. Next morning on arising in the dark she grasped the horseshoe and placed it in her mouth in lieu of her teeth, and proceeded to get breakfast without the slightest inconvenience.

The improved Gatling gun is now capable of discharging more than 3,000 shots a minute when worked by an electric motor. This capacity for dealing out death and destruction is equal to that of two regiments with a full quota of men. It wiU be a great day for the human race when war will be a simple contest between machinery, as it is already fast becoming. A battle between an army of Gattling guns worked by electricity and manipulated by operatives in a place of safety seems to be the ultimate result of military evolution. It seems to be an established fact that the political caldron has begun to boil. Numerous exchanges have assured us that this is the case. There is nothing especially remarkable about this. Biennial boilings of the afore said kettle have taken place with great regularity for many years, and as conditions are likely to continue the same indehnitly, it would seem a possibility that the pot would in time be badly burned. We still hope, however, that this will not prove to be the case. As matters stand a new political caldron would probably prove an expensive necessity and all citizens should unite in a loyal effort and sincere desire to preserve the one that has served the people so lons and well.

A post-moutkm investigation of a 4 ‘pennny-in-the-slot” machine at Elwooc revealed a horrid condition of its internal anatomy and the mystery is how the poor thing survived so long—until at last it was compelled to give up the ghost and quit forever dealing out chocolates and chewing-gum to the waiting world. The contents of its works were of Infinite variety—keys, rings, bits of wood, gravel,buttons,lead “nickles," and— a few pennies. sjk> ended a bright career that promised years of usefulness and profit. Alas, but for too much confiding confidence in the inherent integrity of the human race this catastrophe might have been averted and the budding automaton might in time have grown to be a full fledged race or gambling device with a music box attachment. Tn* sensational abuse in which attorneys frequently indulge while pleading a cash was carried to an extreme in the Annie Wagner murder case, at Indianapolis. The attorney •r the defense called the prosecutor

a “pui)” in the course of his remarks, and when the State's attorney got the floor he returned in kind by branding the eloquent barrister as : “a product of the slums and a Possibly both of the eminent counsel were correct in their estimate of each other’s characteristics, yet it is safe to predict that should either die the survivor would make a touching address on the conspicuous ability of; his departed brother, and shed crocodile tears above bis bier. These in-, cidents doubtless give variety to court proceedings, and serve to entertain the assembled audience, but they certainly detract from the dignity of our tribunals, and have a tendency to rob the courts of the respect that is their due.

Science continues to progress in many ways and new avenues of employment are ever open in g for the thrifty scions of the human race. Old things are passing away, and a good many new things are appearing upon the surface of the “general swim.” Even old horses are likely to present a mouthful of brand new store teeth that will puzzle the oldest inhabitant and render the financial outcome of the o“hoss trade” of the future a matter of still greater uncertainty than it is in our own day. Cheating in a horse trade has ever been regarded as an offense against the moral law' at which angels smile, and St. Peter has never been known to refuse admission to an applicant against whom no greater offense could be allegedthan that he habitually got away with the other fellow in an exchange of equine flesh. To complicate matters still further in this direction, recent progress in dental surgery for veterinary purposes has made it possible to deceive the most expert trader as to an animal’s age, and a veterinary dental school has actually been established in New York. The field is a new one, and promises lucrative employment in a legitimate field, to say nothing of its possibilities a§ a means of fraud in the direction above spoken of.

The Martyred President Had no ‘•Great Policy”—His Story. United States Senator Palmer of Illinois, tells an interesting story of Mr. Lincoln. “I went to see him," said Mr. Palmer* “by appointment at D oclock in the morning. I sat in the anteroom along time, while Buckingham of Conneticut walk in and out of Lincoln’s room several times. At last Buekinginghain left and I went in. I found Lincoln with a towel round his neck getting ready to shave. “ ‘Got to get shaved sometime, Palmer,’ he said. ‘1 couldn’t shave while Buckingham was here, but you are home folks, and it doesn’t matter with home folks.’ “We chatted till the barber reached his mouth, when he could’t talk without running the the risk of getting cut. There was a pause. During it I thought of the great war that was going on and of the man near me conducting it. “ ‘Mr. Lincoln,’ I said, ‘if I had known there was going to be so great a rebellion, I should never have thought of going to a one-horse town for a one-horse lawyer for President. ’ Lincoln stretched forth his arms, pushed the barber aside and abruptly wheeled round to me. I thought he was angry because of what I had said, but he replied: “ ‘Nor I either. It’s lucky for this country no man was chosen who had a great policy and would have stuck to it. If such a man had been chosen this rebellion would never have reached a successful conclusion. I have had no great policy,but I have have tried to do my duty every day, hoping that the morrow would find that I had done right.’ “And that,” said the senator,“was the last time I saw Lincoln alive.”