Rensselaer Republican, Volume 26, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 September 1893 — AN ENGLISH ESTIMATE. [ARTICLE]

AN ENGLISH ESTIMATE.

An alleged Englishman, too cowardly to sign his own name and too stupid to invent a fictitious one, writing to the New York Sun from Chicago, metaphorically presents that city with the gentleman in black —whose dominions are not as yet blessed with waterworks —in a tirade of abuse, derogation, opprobious epithewand reproachful statements quite unaccountable to the average American who resides west of the Allegheny mountains. The Sun devotes two columns of solid nonpareil to the remarks of the disgruntled Briton, and the reader at the close is left in doubt as to whether the correspondent stopped for lack of breath or whether the editor shut off his wind. We can only give a brief outline of the almost endless array of grievances which this unhappy Johnny Bull has laid at the

door of the city in which a majority of western people feel a. certain pride —while not blind to its faults and disadvantages. The writer of the screed begins with the sneering statement that a lady once told him that the only word that would rhyme with Chicago is “virago:" This shows the caliber of the man who has undertaken to “knock out” the pride of the Chicago“ites,” inasmuch as the words do not rhyme at all. He avers that his six month’s residence there haunts him like a hideous nightmare; that there is something in the air that precludes the possibility of any good brain work, and states that it is like malarial fever and that an instantaneous cure is effected by flight; that a brilliant English journalist found it almost impossible to write up to his usual standard, and only had to go as far as Milwaukee when his brains came hack to him; a French engineer employed in the construction of the World’s Fair buildings, was astonished to find bis powers of ingenuity leaving him; that a well-known doctor admits that the air at Chicago is impregnated with germs that induce a mental inertia that can not be counteracted by any medication; that it is the dirtiest city in the'world; that it is a prolonged extension of the white-chapel district of London and the Bowery of New York; that it is full of “architectural monstrosities;” that the Chicago river is the vilest cesspool on earth, and an insult to every mariner entering the harbor from the pure blue lake; that the noise is enough to drive one insane; that the mannerless crowds on the sidewalks make the muscles of a foot ball player and the effrontery of a Chicago drummer necessary to pedestrians; that life is utterly insecure and the police systematically “stand in” with thieves and highwaymen, when they do not openly rob the wayfarer themselves; that policemen grow rich rapidly from blackmail levied on law-break-ers whom they systematically “protect” in their unlawful callings; that accidental deaths from stray bullets, cable cars, grade crossings, open shoots leading to subterranean rooms and other accidents that can be avoided by proper safeguards, are alarmingly frequent; that the World’s Fair boom has already burst and America will soon thrill with shame at corruption that will make the Panama scandal pale into insignificance; that the Fair has done the city no good; that the retail stores are not doing the average business; that it is a matter of regret that foreigners shonld see Chicago as a representative American city, when in fact it is not; that Chicago is a freak and an excrescence on the face of this great

country; that the city swarms with dens of infamy, and nowhere on earth are such loathsome public exhibitions of vice to be found; that distinguished foreign visitors have been conducted to these dens as a part of the “sights” of the city; that :^WdHd^Pai^marriai^s’ L ¥^~cdm : mon, and that the city is full of men and women living together in defiance of marriage laws; that “everything goes;” that the “best class Of Chicago people are barbarians, and the balance thugs;” that at a ball given to the Princess Eulalia the royal guest was placed in a gilded pen on a golden chair, to be inspected like a new kind of hog till she fled in dismay; that Chicagoites pride themselves on being “hustlers,” but in fact do no more work than people of other cities who work but eight hours and take a Saturday half-holiday'; that it is a prominent characteristic of the people to borrow from $5 up from strangers on any pretext and never return it. An appalling indictment, truly! Chicago may be a little “off color," but it “gets there just the same.” But perhaps the most notable feature of this terribly disgruntled Englishman’s tirade, is the entire absence of criticism or even mention of the Fair. On that point he is silent, and in this connection his silence, is doubly eloquentand in itself the greatest praise In the temper exhibited by the correspondent, he would have included the exposition in his denunciations had he dared, but knowing the absurdity of such proceeding, and lacking the fail n :ss and magnamiuity to give praise where praise is due, he cow-ard-like slinks away from the all important question now occupying the attention of the western world, says not a word of praise or blame concerning the World’s Columbian Exposition that is the crowning triumph of Chicago enterprise.

“Lase" Young’s lowa Capital is bidding the faint-hearted capitalists of Des Moines and vicinity to advertise free of charge in his paper any money they have to lend. He accompanies his invitation with welldeserved lectures on the prevailing selfishness of the times.