Rensselaer Republican, Volume 26, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 August 1893 — TOPICS OF THESE TIMES. [ARTICLE]

TOPICS OF THESE TIMES.

When you go to Chicago don't talk about the Midway Plai-ZANCE. If you desire to appear in good form and not attract attention by exhibiting too much provincialism, you must say Plai-zoNCE. However, if you prefer to stick to the Hoosier vernacular and insist on pronouncing the word as it is spelled, you are not likely to fail in “getting there.” It is stated for a fact that stupid people at Jackson Park continue, even to this day. and every day. to ask the Columbian guards in what building the “lagoon” is. The management should at once instruct the guards to inquire of all such persons their place of residence, for statistical purposes only. It would be interesting to know from what “neck o' woods” the majority of such ignoramuses hail.

Antwerp, in Belgium, is to have an.- international exhibition next year, beginning in May and extending to November. Plans are all perfected and the buildings are un - der process of construction. It is needless to say that the exhibition will in no way compare in point of magnitude with the World’s Columbian Exhibition. Many exhibitors now at Chicago have contracted to remove their goods to Antwerp at the close of the Fair, and nearly all the foreign attractions on the Midway will also go there. With seventeen cases of cholera in quarantine in New York and a dangerous outbreak of yellow fever in Georgia, it is the part of wisdom for people to clean up their back yards, deodorize all ill-smelling corners about their premises with lime or other disinfectants, be reasonably careful in the matter of diet and exposure to unhealthy conditions of all kinds, and in this way aid the authorities in preventing an outbreak of either epidemic in their respective localities. Our financial troubles are enough for 1893 without the addition of the threatened plagues.

Visitors to the Grand Army Encampment at Indianapolis, if they feel that they are at all “weak in the knees,” should tjake warning from the experience of Mr. McGuire, who visited the cyclorama of the battle of Gettysburg, and was so completely overcome by the terrible scene that he fell in a faint and had to be sent to a hospital. The Hoosier capital has a similar painting of the great battle, and it is said to be very vivid in depicting the horrors of war. Mr. McGuire is probably the only person who was ever completely “knocked out” by a picture, and his nerves are doubtless vxtra fine and supersensitive.

An antiquairian has recently dis covered some royal shin bones in a dust-covered paste board box at the Louvre, in Paris. From various hieroglyphics he was enabled to accurately label the relics with the names of the persons of whom they were formerly a part. Among them, as he avers, is the shin bone of Francis 1., the jawbone of Catharine de Medici, a rib of Charles VII, and a large collection of royal mementoes of like gruesome character. The royal graves were despoiled by French Revolutionists in October, 1793, but through the intervention of an inspector, the parts taken from the graves were properly labeled and secured from further ignominous treatment. Their history since that time has been traced from reliable sources, and public records find is probably genuine, and in fact was no discovery at all, as the relics might have been as readily found at.ary time in the last 100 years as any document in the public arehieves of like antiquity.

If cable dispatches are to be trusted, our financial clouds will ere long have a “silver” lining in a way unlooked for by the advocates of free silver coinage. G reat apprehension is said to exist in European financial circles over the prospect of the speedy repeal of the purchasing clause of the Sherman silver law, and the scramble for gold already approaches a panic that promises to eclipse anything of the kind that has ever afflicted the United States. It is alleged that the United States is now the only market for silver in in the world, and when the doors of our mints are closed against it gold must take its place and we are sure to get our share and more, to th? great detriment of the “blarsted Englishman.” Should this prove to be the case, the advocates of silver coinage are destined to see their dreams realized, because o-r action *n suspending silver coinage will

place us on an equal footing with foreign nations, and they will thenbe in a more reasonable frame of mind to listen to arguments in favor of a unh ersal bimetallic standard, which necessarily must be the final outcome of the continued agitation of the subject. Americans are prone to indulge in boastful praise of our system of government. We are all in the habit of' regarding our institutions as well nigh perfect and are apt to overlook some things that are startling when cSlmly reviewedr For instance: The so-called silver States cast all told 457,000 votes at the last presidential election. There are nine commonwealths under this head, and they have eighteen United States Senators. The great State of New York east 1,300,000 votes at the same election and has two Senators. This is according to the constitution and laws of the land, but it would take a very able lawyer to convince an unprejudiced foreigner that such an arrangement was just and equitable to all concerned.

One William Eliker. of Indianapolis, “entertainedangels unawares,” a few evenings since, but as subsequent events demonstrated they can hardly be ealled “angels of light.” Mr. Eliker had accumulated a surplus of some S7OO. Becoming inoculated with the prevailing epidemic — lack of confidence —he withdrew the money from the bank and secfeted it under the family clock. Quite a company being present on the evening in question, the host, suddenly recovering from the epidemic, developed a surprising amount of confidence in the mixed company present and in a spirit of bravado bantered them to find his household gains. His own sister speedily found the hiding place under the clock and exhibited the cash to the balance of the guests in triumph. The company found the discomfiture of their host very amusing. At a late hour the guests departed and the host retired, to sleep but a short time, however. He was awakened by unusual sounds and found a window sash removed, and thought he recognized one of his guests departing from the room in a hurried manner through the unusual exit. Looking at once for his money he found it gone, and at once gave the alarm. Police were soon on the track of the thieves and before the day was over four of Mr. Eliker’s gpests were behind the bars and he was once more in possession of his dollars, every cent having been recovered. The Sentinel frivolously remarked that Mr. Elicker placed his money under the clock so that he “couldget time on his bills." The matter is more serious, however, as Mr. Eliker’s illadvised desire to amuse his guests will doubtless put “time’on a number of them—in the penitentiary.

It all depends on the point of ■ view. The merits of a practical | joke are nearly always susceptible of at least two constructions. The joker is absolutely certain. of the amusing features of his performance. The victim is equally certain that his tormentor is an emissary of the lower regions where drought is the normal condition. One Casper Minor, of Indianapolis, who for years had violated the law by permitting himself to stay about his own saloon, is a victim of a huge practical joke, and he has turned on the jokers in a way they despise. Mr. Minor arose early on the day in question to serve his thirsty customers with their regular potations before breakfast, and was astonished to find that his cash drawer had been robbed of SB, numerous boxes of cigars sadly outraged, and the best liquors in the house uncorked. The matter was reported to the po lice, and developments led to the arrest of a neighboring butcher and two other young men who had previously borne good reputations. The parties admitted their guilt, but declared the entire matter was a huge joke. They had found ordinary fun too tame, and were impelled to devise something unique. They didn’t care for expenses, and before their incarceration employed a “mutual friend” to settle with Minor at any cost. The “mutual friend” was also locked up as an accomplice. The unhappy quartette still think it was the monumental joke of the season, and are convinced that Minor is absolutely the dullest, stupidest, thickest-head-ed beer-slinger in the Hoosier metropolis. If they ever get out of the scrape they might prosecute ‘ Minor, for allowing himself to stay about his own saloon. The law is explicit. That would be a joke that even the obtuse dealer in drinks could “see.”

The closing week of the life of John E. Collins, of Bimini, Montana, was quite out of the common. Within seven days he was married, divorced and had committed suicide.

' CAUSE OF THE PANIC. What has caused the financial troubles that have occasioned such wide-spread alarm and so much actual loss to thousands of our citizens? After m uch re flee tion and a careful reading of our exchanges we are compelled to lay all the blame on the Sherman silver law, the McKinley bill, the high tariff, over-pro-duction, suspension of silver coinage in India, the failure of Congress to give to the United States free silver coinage the demonetization of silver in 1873, the election of Cleveland, the proposed tariff reform, the low price of wheat, the speculation in stocks and futures, too high freight charges from the West to the Eastern sea board., lack of confidence, lack of sufficient circulating currency, exaggerated value of gold, conspiracy of the “gold bugs,” excessive imports, deficient exports, result of a long continued high protective tariff policy, faillire to adopt the Populist plans, uncertainty as to the result of the monetary conference “British Gold,” used to bribe our statesmen. That is about what caused it, and all will agree that such a load is enough to swamp any nation. Here and there a man will be found who will take exceptions to the array of impelling causes to dire disaster, but in an impartial review, such as this article is intended to be, all have a proper place and a legitimate bearing. If. any one cause more than another can justly be held responsible for the distressing financial situation, we must ask our readers to pick out their favorite calamity and stick to it. We do not care at this juncture to be invidious, and feel disposed to allow the individual the largest liberty in making achoice and locating the blame to his own satisfaction.

NO EXTORTION. No one should hesitate about visiting the World’s Fair for fear of extortion in Chicago. The array of restaurants and lodging house, hotels, furnished rooms, camps and caravansaries is almost endless, and charges are made to suit any purse. Careful selection of a stopping place and a reasonable amount of caution in spending money, will insure the visitor comfortable accommodations, plenty to eat of that that is good, and all at a total cost that will be surprising, after the stories thac have prevailed about wholesale extortion at the city beyond the Roby race track. Ten dollars should cover the necessary expenses for one person —railroad fare, hotel and restaurant bill, admission tickets, with a small extra for amusements —from central and northern Indiana, for a three days revel in the aggre-

gated wonders and marvellous attractions of the magic city of the marsh. Side shows and monkeys will come and go, and the circus business is likely to branch out in new direc tions following this great exhibition, so that if you do not feel able to squander - money on the endless round of alleged amusements on the Midway, you may yet in the course i of time have an opportunity to see and hear similiar entertainments. But “now, is the accepted time” and probably —nay, certainly —your only opportunity to see the greatest spectacular enterprise ever inaugurated by man carried to its triumphant success —and one that will never be repeated on a scale of such magnitude —in your “day and generation,” at least. It does not pay, and only at rare and long-separated intervals do men rise to the height of patriotism and go to the depth of financial loss, as have the enterprising promoters of this wonderful exposition. Therefore, we urge and advise all to go now before it is everlastingly too late, “Do not let your chances like sunbeams pass you by, for you never miss the water till the well runs dry.” ~ •, ••.