Rensselaer Republican, Volume 25, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 June 1893 — MEN WE ALL KNO. [ARTICLE]

MEN WE ALL KNO.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.

New York Weekly, The Polite Man. —The easyest thing to slide thru this world with, and hav everyboddy wonder how you do it, iz politeness. Politeness is like hunny and ile combined—sweet and slippery. The polite man duz a larger bizzness on a smaller kapital than enny one else I kno ov. Politeness is a very good substitute for branes, and i hav seen it sukceed whare virtew and modesty failed. The polite man iz often az hollow at heart az a kokonut, and sum ov the worst ded beats I ever perused were az bland and polite az a duv. But, generally speaking, the polite man iz a good man, lor politeness don’t seem to be mutch else but good natur properly edukated. If i could’nt hav neither wisdum nor virtew, the next thing I would pick out to travel with would be politeness. I hav seen folks so polite that they waz fairly silly; but this is a safe blunder to make. Politeness iz suratimes so plenty in a man that it makes him a bore; but i kno ov several things that are classed amung the virtews which if i had them i would be willing to swop them oph and take all mi pay in politeness. Politeness iz allwuss safe, even if it ain’t so smart. The Neat Man.—l don’t kno whether neatness iz put down bi the professors az one ov the virtews or not, but if it ain’t it onght to be. I never knu a thoroly korrupt person yet who waz thoroly neat. The neat man shines from hed to foot like anu pin; he steps az brisk az a bridegroom',' and will go two blocks out of his way to avoid the dust from an ash barrel. The neat man iz alwus particklar and precise, not only in hiz person, but in everything else; and theze two traits are minor virtews, at least. Yu never saw a neat man yet who waz not refined in hiz tastes to a certain degree; and tho hiz assosiashuns in life mayJje far from creditable, he allwayZpKeserves not only the appearancej but the tone ov respektability. Neatness, like charity, covers a multitude of sins, Pocahontas did not save the life of John Smith. It has been ascertained that this worthy man was the most able-bodied prevaricator of his century.