Rensselaer Republican, Volume 25, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 April 1893 — “Cranks” and the World’s Fair. [ARTICLE]

“Cranks” and the World’s Fair.

As was to be expected, the fair hagi attracted the indigenous and numerous American “cranks;” as well as foreign persons with mental and moral crotchets. These, and also youthful geniuses, have besieged personally and by letter, the Ways and Means Committee, of which Edwin B. Butler is chairman, and Samuel A. Crawford is secretary. A few examples will indicate how much of human nature as it really is will not be on exhibition at the fair. An American was early in the field with a divine revelation of the site which had been foreordained for the fair when the foundations of the world were laid, and an Englishman has desired to be put on exhibition as the Messiah. Two boys “of respectable parentage” in western New York nave offered to walk to Chicago, and to camp on the Exposition grounds with the purpose of illustrating the life of tramps, and of lecturing on its vicissitudes. Another boy of sixteen recommended that a number of nickle-in-the-slot phonographs fixed to repeat amusing fish stories might be placed in the Fisheries Building and about the grounds; he urged that a royalty on the suggestion would enable him to help his widowed mother. An enterprising dealer in cosmetics asked for space to exhibit an old woman, one half of whose face was to be smoothed out with his preparation and the remainder left with its mortal wrinkles until the end of the fair, when he would smooth out the other half in the presence of the multitude. The parents of a “favorite orator” of six years offered his services as introducer of the chief orator at the dedicatory ceremonies, which would, they thought, lend emphasis to the portentious importance of theoccasion. A mathematician asked for standing room where he might show the world how to square the circle. Out of Indiana came a solver of perpetual motion; he was informed that space could not be allotted for the exhibition of an idea, so he would have to bring on his machine; later he informed the committee that his self-feeding engine, which had been running a sewing machine, had unfortunately broken down, but the grincipal remained the same.” A eorgian asked for a concession to conduct a cockpit, and another son of the South knew of a colored child which was an anatomical wonder and could be had by stealing it from its mother; for a reasonable sum he was willing to fill the office of kidnapper. Innumerable freaks of nature have been tendered, and the pretty English barmaid has in several instances inclosed her photograph with an offer of assistance to the fair. A serious offer came from a Spaniard, who had been disgusted with the weak attempts to give bull fights in Paris during the. recent exposition. He offered to fill the brutal void at the Columbian fair if he could be assured the privilege of producing the spectacle “with all its real and genuine circumstances.” . The Ist of May is not especially sad, yet a great many are very much moved by its coming.