Rensselaer Republican, Volume 25, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 October 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

the bureau of Clerk—Yes’m. What con T do for you? Miss Pussy—lt my bonnet on straight? ’Tie better to be tried by fire than to be fired after being triea.—Pranfciia Sews.-;; 7 ~ When a boy is smart, there if a question whether be gets it from her folks or his people. “What would you do if you TfSrl roe?” “I don’t know, I’m sure. I don't believe I’d bear it as well as you do. ” Love Ik blind, according, to the proverb, and according to the pictures ha dresses as if he thought other people were.—Somerville Journal . A AIL Around. —She—Do you think Penelope will suit him ? He—Yes, she'll nave to—and feed him ana shoe him, too. Judging by Sound.—“Phwats thot noise,Mis' Mullaly ?” “Mary Ann’s practisin’the scales. ’’ “Begorrah, she must weigh a ton." ' He Could not Help It.-Dimling— Why did you leave the lecture platform, Larkin ? Larkin—Well, I was egged on to take that step. Lucie—Ned made a ringing speech lost night, mommer. Mommer—Urn -um? Lucie—Yes. He asked me to be his wife. ‘ l Ye call that a beauty ? ” said Pat, “ faith I can see twisty handsomer women on Washington shtreet ivery day, wid me eyes shut ” Those who would read Natures open book in meadow and woods have an extra facility at present She is herself turning the leaves. Whipper—Every man if the architect of his own fortune. Snapper— And most of them are trying to build a million dollar structure on a fifty cent design. • : ! New the Joke about the sealskin saeqae, The one about the ulster, too. » Maud—Mamma, what is the People’s party that I read so much about? Mamma—Soma vulgar entertainment, I think. Nobody in our set is giving it.

Emily—l think the way young men and women carry on at summer resorts is disgraceful. Gladys—Never mind, dear. You were never implicated. Waiter—Er—it’s customary here for the guests, to remember the waiter, sir. Irate patron who has been poorly served-Weil, I should think it would be. , Miss Sears—What prompted you to propose, you good for nothing. Chapley—Well, I thought no one else would if I didn’t.

A Plan that Failed—How did you get scratched so? Little Daughter— I was putting dolly’s shoes and stockings on the kitty. “What for?" “So she couldn’t scwatch." Pittsburg Man—What would you folks do if a mob of rioters should come charging down on Broadway? New Yorker (busily—Start a po ■ liceman to shooting a dog. Unfashionable Mother—What •' Sweet child I How old is Bhe? Fashionable mother—Well, really, if you are going to ask that sort of questions I’d better send lor the nurse. Wee Son-Mamma, me want* pants. Mamma—My pet is too little yet. Wee Son*—Well, me finks me might have 6*p¥nderrtd my dwess anyhow.

Finley—-Is Smith in? Binley— No. Finley—Has be changed bis cents to his name when I saw him last. The Proof of her Claims—So she’s handsome? Handsome? Why, I’ve seen two policemen tumbling over each ether in their eagerness to jggt to her side to escort her across tie crossing. * V * The Boston girl never hollers * *hel-, lo” at the mouth of the telephone. She simply says as she puts the receiver to her ear: “I take the liberty of addressing yoa via a wire surcharged with electricity."

She—Sometimes you appear real manly and sometimes you are absolutely effeminate. How do you account for It? He—l suppose it is hereditary. Half my ances tors were males and the other half females. Cbolly I proposed to Miss Peachlow yesterday and was accepted. Chappie—Congratulations,deah boy. Cholly—But the engagement was brokeri off to-day. Chappie—Congratulations, deah boy.’’ Grandeur of the Middle Home— Happy the young woman nowadays who has a middle name with a sonorous sound., Susan C. Nipper looks commonplace,but Susan Cbolmondely Nipper is too fine for anything. “I don't believe in long engagenee t,” said a young man to a stranger with whom he had struck an acquaintance on the train. Well, I do* The longer the better soy me. Hofr do they affect you? I’m nconfeetkm er.—Harper’s Bazar. Mrs. Chicago—l was just telling Frankie the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. Mrs. Boston—Little Emerson heard the story of Jaok and the leguminous plant known as the Faba Vulgaris before he was pul in. to spectacles.