Rensselaer Republican, Volume 25, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 October 1892 — She Was a Suubeam. [ARTICLE]

She Was a Suubeam.

During ray last trip from New York to St. Louis, says a writer in the St. Louis Globe Democrat, I had for my traveling companion an invalid woman and her three children. Now a female invalid is my bete noir and children my abomination. When I found that the quartette would make the through trip in the Pullman I felt inclined to wait aud take the next train. Weil, sir. it was the pleasantest trip l ever made. That woman was the queen of the car from the time we left New York till we rolled into the Union Depot at St. Louis. The passengers, conductors and porter vied with each other in waiting upon her, and fairly quarreled for the privilege of amusing her .children. Although suffering acute pain, she was a veritable sunbeam, and her long, weary journey was a triumphal procession. She made every man that met her think better of womankind and better of himself. An hour in her society was worth a- term in college and a hundred sermons. In traveling one meets any number of prudes and flirts, but few true women who understand the art of being gracious without becoming familiar.

Long Branch, Saratoga and Lake George. John Billings, in Now York Weekly. These three places are wet spots. I visited them all in summer, and kant be mistaken about this. Upon my arrival at Long Branch f commenced at once tew drink the water, but it did not answer mi expec tashun, I like lemonade, and milk puntch, and sum sider, but mineral water lint mi fort. r » ~vI think the water at Long Branch is too psalt. I noticed that most ov the people went out into the water sum ways from the shore; the water may taste more fresh out thare. I laid down on mi flat stummuk, slose tew the edge of the water, and drank sum. But the folks that waz out in the water got on a frolik and pushed the water into the shore so mutch that it went all over me.

This waz looked upon az kussid smart, and everybody laffed. I did not see ennything phunny in it, and so I didn’t lass, -rr-rn— The water at Long Branchiz very plenty and will last for menny years .to cum, if they are saving ov it. They told me that the water at Lone Branch waz good for the fidgets ana the conipshun. I think if the water waz strained, and the mineral got out ov it, I might worry down some ov it. I took a jug ov the water home and tried it on mi aunt, who baz a fidget once in a while; but she didn't hanker foWt but once. I sent a vial ov it tew our minister, and the next Sunday hlz text waz, “If psalt haz lost its saver, wharo shall it be psalted?” While I waz at Long Branch I think thare waz more than a millyun ,)v people cum and went, and I didn't tear one ov them complain ov tho taste ov the water.

I went from Long Branch to Saratoga imiuejiately aod begun to drink. I don’t think the water at Saratoga z so mineral az at Long Branch. I staid at Saratoga four weeks and worked away at the water all the time. The more I drinkt the less I wanted to. - The water at Saratoga ain’t so numerous at Saratoga az it iz at Long Branch, and that is the reason whi they bottle it. From Saratoga I weat to Lake George. I went by the Adirondax ralerode and found it a most dsliteeum route, besides being mutch the cheepest One reason ov this waz bekauz the souperintondent ov the rode presented me with a pass to go and cum. I kan say to all who are goin to Lako George to drink the waters, yu bad better go by the Adirondax route; yu will get less dust and more shade; yu will find good stages, jolly drivers, kind agents, and just as like az not, a free pass for yourself.and wife. i ~ t. • I reached Lake George in time to drink before dinner, and couldn’t taste enny psalt in the.water. I waz surprized at this, ancLcon.. eluded i had injured my taste. I tried the water the next mornng, and found them still unsalty, and paid mi bill and left. ‘ - The landlord asked me, with tears n hiz eyes, what waz the matter, and whispered in his ear that the water ( ak t psalt. Vjf. »;* i ' -j. He begged ml pardon, and offered I ttw fix sum for edJ|y t

_ • 4 convikshun that the water iz tew " ffrfripf ’Hp.y Kp profitable* ”'' —- Sum thing was sed tew me abotft the scenery around Lake George being go finOL hut i didn’t go fer scenery, i went fer Water. After spending seven weeks ov pure, uDspekeied happiness, i find myself at hum agin, "feeling like a birde, but a leetle water soaked. I shall start in a phew days fer Utah, and shall spend some time thare, and praktitfs on the waters. I am told that the waters at psalt lake are more substantial tew drink than enny others. I shall visit the Mormon big guns while iam thare, aud study pollygSmy. If pollygamv iz a b’easing, the quicker we alj find it out the better. I forgot to state that i saw 7 one man at Saratoga drink 9 glasses ov mineral water konsekutiff. They sed he waz a sailor —a regular old psalt. 7 : I also saw one man at Long Branch drink more water than he could swaller. He cum very near drounding to death. But thare iz excepshuns tew the general rule.