Rensselaer Republican, Volume 25, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 October 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Editor—This poem is good, but the world’s fair is out of date. Poet—Well, I thought I would write it a year ahead. Editor—Well, we buy poems twen-ty-two years ahead. Good day. YeOlsrs must be inhabited, else who could have painted it red? It doesn’t commonly mangle a thought to “run it over in tho miud. The cow sets us an admirable example—she never blows her own horn. “Where Is Ethel?” ft She is out breaking her engagement with Choiließronso."—Harper’s Bazar. He—l much prefer tennis. Horseback riding is too sedentary." She —Not the way you ride. ~ Before Marriage—Kiss me, Carrie. After marriage—Kiss me, Harry. The change register that checks up the drinks in a saloon is the bargain counter. Base ball managers are only human. They, too, hang on to a pitcher as loflg as there’s anything iu it. —Philadelphia Times.

Little Elsie—Who was Shakspeare, pa? Scribblems (the playwright)— One of my predecessors, child. Husband— My dear, there's a burglar in the room. I have np revolver. Wife—Then look daggers at him. Our wife wears our suspenders to church to-morrow, but we’ll be on hand hitched up with a buggy trace. —Editor of Billeville Banner. The man who never tells his wife anything of his business affairs is the first to make over his property to her when he fails. “Why do you charge me tenpents for a shine, while aU the other boys charge only five?" “I’se de president of de Bootblack's Union. Ethel—You remind me of mv piano lamp. Stalato—Honr so? Ethel —No matter how much it is turned down, it doesn't go out Always a Woman.—Mike O’Rafferty (pulling his wife out ol the well)— ‘ Begorra! a woman’s at the bottom av iverything. “Doctor, what is a good cholera mixture for this time of year?" “Well, icecream, watermelon and lager beer will do very well.—lndianapolis Journal. A Sudden Flight—She (anxiously) —How did papa appear when you asked for my, hand f He—l didn’t have time to see, darling. “How is Winter getting on?” "Well, when I last saw him ha hadn’t ‘ v_-■: -j- Mpg , i, " » A. n, 9* 4