Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 August 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Counting the chickens before they are hatched is the highest way of showing confidence in the reliability of the hen. - f. . “She treated mesbamefully.” “Ah! but she treated me >orse?’ “Impossible! She jilted me.” “Yes; but she married me.” c It often happens that a fellow who ‘’won’t go home till morning” can't go home then till somebody pays a fine for him. , No, my son, you musn’t expect to get up in the world in a minute. Nobody can. walk half so fast going up hill as coming down. • Sub editor —Here is an article favoring a simplified spelling of the English languzge. Editor —Who wrote itTfr Sub-editor—A man by the name of Smythe. Edison has patented 600 inventions, butjhe has. to slap at the summer fly just as vainly as anybody else. Genius cannot do everything. “Will you love me when I’m old,” simpered gay Miss Oldgirl to her youthful intended. “Why, ffiy dardo,” responded he in mild surprise. - MJack Wilkins broke his bicycle yesterday.” . “Lucky fellow,’ replied Wiilie Wishington. . “Mine is as wild as it was the first day I tried to ride it.” Marian—Which would rather be, independently rich or happily married? Lillian rich, for then I should get happily married. Ethel—George, yba remimt'tee of •an hour glass. George —In what respect*' Ethel—The more time given vop the less sand you seem to have. Yeast-r-Did you notice Miss Fussanfeather color up .when she came into the room? Crimsonbeak—No; I thought she did it before =she came down stairs. Bland—A man of your age ought, to marrv and settle.- Why. don t you? Blank—it’s easy to talk. I’d marry | soon enough if I could only settle. Miss Thin—Don’t you think my new dress is just exquisite/ They all say so. Fannie—sOh, lovely! I think that dressmaker of yours could make a clothes-pole look graceful. . The Hon. Eclat Jones (orator of the day) —Fellow-citizens, it has been said dat I writes my orations. I denounce de ’cusations as false and slanderous. Fellow-citizens. I kain t write. —Harper's Bazar. Murilla—Don't you find ocean bathing very strengthening? Millicent— Yes, indeed: it strengthens one’s nerve. 1 used to be quite shy beiore I began it, “Mercy!” exclaimed Mrs. Homespun when she read in the paper... that Jay Gould made ten cents every time the clock ticked. “I should think he’d be worried to death for fear the clock would run down." Young Author—What do you think of my new novel? Cynical Uncle Oh; it’s all well efiough, I suppbsc, but for general use I am inclined to think some other opiate would be cheaper and easier to take.