Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 August 1892 — SHE DIDN’T WANT A MILLION. [ARTICLE]

SHE DIDN’T WANT A MILLION.

How Jones Recovered from! a Night at the Club, ' The latch-key joke is as old as, well, say drink, says the New York Tribue. But here is a true latch-key story. -Air. Jones, when he bas a very bad headache in the mprning, and when there is a buzzing in his ears, always attempts to be cheerful and witty at brjeakfast. He also makes a pretence oE-eating hearjtily, and praises everything on the table. It is a way he has to show that important and exciting at the club on the night before have no effect on his nerves. “My dear,” he said the other morning in a voice which w%s slightly hoarse, “we had a very important meeting at the club last evening. The minority had a hard fight, but we gained our point. “I’m so glad,” said “my dear,” smiling sweetly. 4 , “Yes,” said Mr. Jones, reaching eagerly for his glass of water, and then drawing back his hand hastily, “we won them over completely. How delicious this'chop is !” “Do you like it, my dear? Let me give you another,” said “my dear” in a tender, voice. i_ \1 b 'A “Er—thank you, my love,” said Mr. Jones ruefully., “I’m so gladFyou like them,” said “my love” softly, gazing at the two whole chops on his plate. “You have not seemed to be well lately. It’s a good sign to have your appetite return.” “Eh,” answered Mr. Jones, trying to be lively. “I am feeling better than I have been in a long time. I don’t know when I felt so well,” and he gazed longingly at his glass of water, but with Spartan heroism would not touch it. “That is so good,” replied “my love,” beaming radiantly, and then she sipped her water, while his lips shriveled up. “And you know how absent-mind-ed I am, pet,” said Mr. Jones, cough: ing slightly. “I have mislaid' my latchkey. I remember distinctly taking it from my pocket upstairs and placing it somewhere, but I can’t recall where I put it. Did you notice it anywhere in the room?” he added anxiously. “I haven’t looked in the room,” said “pet” very sweetly. “If you could—er—now let me have yours, darling, IcOuld call In on a locksmith on my way to the office and have a duplicate made. I’ll have him send yours back to you and the duplicate to my office. Of course, the other key will be found in the room, but it will be just as well to have an extra one in the house. ’ ’ ‘•‘Certainly,” answered “darling,” and her tones were like honey. “I’ll go and get it now, deari” When she had left the room Mr, Jones seized his glass and drained it in a famished way. He filled it rapidly and replaced it Where it had stood before, He was pretending to eat a chop when she returned. “Here it is,” she said very sweetly and graciously. * “Thank you very much, dear,” answered Mr. Jones, looking relieved. and he was brimming over with affection during the rest of the meal. When he was starting for his office he kissed her tenderly. “I’ll tell the locksmith to be sure to send the key back this forenoon,” he said. ' “Oh, you need not go to him,” shosaid softly. “This is your key. “Er—you found it in the room, did you?” asked Mr. Jones, get ting scarlet. » “No, dear,” she said, more softly and sweetly than ever. v You gave it to me in the lower hallway at tl o’clock this morning, and said I could have a million of ’em if I wanted ’em, Or two million. But I don't want them. Qtie is enough for me. Goodbye, dear.” And now Mr. Jones goes home early every night, and wheu he unlocks the front doors;, he knows where he puts his latchkey.

A Bangor somnambulist, while walking in his sleep, hooked a five pound black bass in Lake Cbemo, find awoke to (iud himself struggling in ithe water.